27/10/2026
RED STAR ROGUES V MASTERTON MIS-HITS – ROUND 6
The biggest journey yet for the Red Star Rogues came in round 6. Such was the travel involved, we requested an early start and two courts. Starting to sound a lot like those needy ladies in the other team, aren’t we?
Club door to club door, Google reckoned it would take nine minutes by bike. We didn’t have that sort of time to waste, so opted for the four-minute drive from Red Star to Masterton Squash. A gruelling away trip, all 2.5kms of it but someone had to do it.
Our curtain raiser, unbeknown to him, was the former District Manager of Squash Wellington, who clearly still has the goods on court. Yep, team, just play like that and we’ve got this in the bag! There was also some so-called-chippy on the power tools drowning out the cheers from the supporters. Although neither was there to watch us, we’re including them in the all-important home crowd support stats anyway. That brought the crowd to a whopping four. The atmosphere was almost unbearable.
First up were Chalk and Cheese, otherwise known as Glenn and Ed. Judging by his 30-minute warm-up in fifth gear, Glenn appeared to be trying to get some special special special medicine out of his system before the match. The ball wouldn’t have known what was going on. One minute it was being treated to Ed’s tender little lobs, the next Glenn was smashing the cr@p out of it. Turns out the latter was the more effective approach, with the Rogues going down in three.
Over yonder, a new-look Rosco was clearly on a mission to get in and get out. He claimed Court 2 by evicting its current tenants, who had apparently already been given the boot from another court. Taking on his bro Benos, the pair moved around the court like a beautifully timed flamenco dance. Sadly for Rosco, Benos brought the fancy footwork and the trick dummy shots, dancing his way to a 3–0 win for the Stars.
The Red Star reporter didn’t manage to catch the top seeds battling it out on court, but the two-minute breaks between games told her everything she needed to know. The pacing, the muttering, the glares, the gapping it to the bathroom… actions spoke louder than words here folks. Apparently, it was Jordan’s first win of the season, finally taking down his favourite not-so-favourite rival, Tim the Tin Man.
Red Star’s favourite CC 😉, storyteller, and many other favourite things, had a good match against Oz. Her plan was to make him tired and twisted. His plan was to make her lose. Both were successful. The CC did, however, claim her first game playing with the blokes’ team before going down in four. We’re counting that as progress, even if Oz was still able to walk afterwards.
The current silver medallists, Masterton, took the overall win 3–1 against the current wooden spoon medallists. Nice to see both teams performing to their rankings.
Now, the food. 😍 Pāua, chicken, venison, pizzas, bread, banana bread, eclairs and custard. These blokes could run their own restaurant! Hit these guys up for your next tournament. They know how to host… well, they certainly know how to host the bellies anyway. Nom nom.
A great way to finish with an away game at home. Good luck taking on the Bay next week. (Honestly… good luck 🤣🤣)
Hope to see ya in the next season. Until then,
⭐
Goodluck to Red Star’s in Their Eyes, our ladies team currently placed first, playing a home game against Marti Ladies in the finals tomorrow. Get down there and support.
