Helena Clare Coaching

Helena Clare Coaching The Pattern Breaker. Unleashing Inner Tiggers. Break the Pattern. Remember who you are.

Multi-Award Winning Transformational Coach

Book a chemistry call here: https://tidycal.com/helenaclarecoaching/chemistrycall

You bring value simply by being present…The last few weeks have been tough with coaching clients, completing assessments...
21/08/2026

You bring value simply by being present…

The last few weeks have been tough with coaching clients, completing assessments for my Master Practitioner course, prepping and delivering CPD sessions for Paseda360 Training Academy, juggling teenagers, dogs needing vet appointments, medication and grooms and trips to Wales.

It’s been hard to be fully present with all that going on.

And when I don’t feel fully present, it brings a tendency for my Pretender Mask* to appear.

Invariably my perfectionist!

It showed up in a client session last week and then this morning before I delivered a CPD session.

But I took myself back to something my client said to me last week when my perfectionist mask was trying to take control and I expressed to her how I was feeling.

That I felt under pressure to bring value, by “doing” something.

She gently reminded me that my presence with her in that moment was what brought the value.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

So yesterday, when I received 2 nominations for National Transformational Coach of the Year Award at the The National Coaching Conference & National Coaching Awards, I allowed myself to actually recognise the value that I bring.

And celebrate it!

So as I take some time away from work for a week, and recharge my batteries, I will continue to remind myself that my presence, as my real “tiggery” self is what brings value to everything I do.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

*Paseda360 Pretender Model

When did we start waiting for permission? And what are we waiting for permission for? To rest.To say yes.To say no.To do...
19/08/2026

When did we start waiting for permission?

And what are we waiting for permission for?

To rest.
To say yes.
To say no.
To do what we want.
To want what we want.
To receive.
To change our minds.
To take up space.
To be successful.
To charge what we are worth.
To leave.
To stay.
To be visible.
To be ourselves.
To begin again.

It feels like we are waiting for someone to tell us that we are allowed to trust ourselves.

Its like there is this underlying pattern or rule system that says we need to ask for or wait for permission.

But nobody is there telling you that you can’t do anything of these things.

Only you.

I’ve noticed this with myself this week.

I am exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally and I need a break.

So this morning I “gave myself permission” to down tools on Friday afternoon until after the bank holiday.

But why did I feel the need to give myself permission.

I am in control of my life. No one else.

So when did I allow the unwritten rules to take over.

Poppy, my Schnoodle and Chairdog of the Board doesn’t ask for permission.

If she wants anything, she will tell me or just do it anyway:

A cuddle - literally jumps up and sits on your lap.

Wee-wee’s - she scratches at the door.

Attention (usually chest rubs!) - paws or barks at me!

Walks - barks or sits staring at me until I figure out what she actually wants!

Food - it’s there when she want it, so she eats when she’s hungry.

Sleep & rest - she just lies down somewhere comfortable and rests - invariably someone’s lap (see below)!

Treats - probably the only time she needs to get permission and she’ll fist bump for those.

So I am on a mission to allow myself to do all the things I want to do, without waiting for permission. From myself.

To be more Poppy!

Yes I will ASK for permission from others, where it’s needed. But that’s not waiting.

Although, to be fair, it’s probably not really permission I’m asking for, it’s asking more for support, help, care and love.

And being open to receive it.

Unapologetically.

No permission required.

Where are you waiting for permission where you don’t need to?

And where can you be more Poppy?

Helena x
Pattern Breaker.
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

Asda Delivery Van 1 : My Car 0Gutted.Which may seem a bit sad as it’s only a car and no one got hurt (fortunately), but ...
12/08/2026

Asda Delivery Van 1 : My Car 0

Gutted.

Which may seem a bit sad as it’s only a car and no one got hurt (fortunately), but am sad as it’s my car…

That said, I am trying to be positive:

The delivery driver left his details so I can make a full claim.

My insurance company has been fab and car is being picked up today to be fixed and hire care being delivered.

My family have been amazing and my kids picked me up off the floor after it happened.

The dog literally licked away my tears (yuck!).

My partner guided me through the whole insurance process as I hadn’t got a clue and was very stressed about it all.

Looking forward to getting my little car back shiny and fixed x

Helena
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

I woke up this morning feeling anxious and wanting to cry.It happens quite a lot on a Monday.I’ve been trying to work ou...
10/08/2026

I woke up this morning feeling anxious and wanting to cry.

It happens quite a lot on a Monday.

I’ve been trying to work out what is going on and I think I finally understand why.

It’s not necessarily that I hate Mondays.

It’s the thought of:

Oh God. I have to perform again this week.

I have to get up.
Do something.
Be productive.
Get on with things.
Be useful.
Show up.
Keep going.

It’s an old pattern that has been running my life for years.

And honestly?

I’m exhausted.
Part of me just wants to stay in bed and sleep.

Not because I’m lazy.
Not because there’s anything particularly wrong.

I’m just tired of feeling like I have to DO something to justify getting up.

And this morning there was another layer.

My other half had gone to work early as usual. The kids are here as it’s summer holidays and will do doubt be in bed till lunchtime! So technically I’m not alone.

But I felt alone.

And I realised how often I try to talk myself out of feelings like that.

You’re fine.
The kids are here.
You’ve got things to do.
Come on. Get yourself together and don’t be so stupid.

And perhaps that’s the bit I’m starting to challenge.

Because maybe I don’t need to “perform” my way out of feeling tired.

Or lonely.
Or overwhelmed.

Maybe I can just say:

I’m tired.
I miss my partner.
I don’t want to perform today.

And let that be true.

Without immediately trying to fix it.

Without turning it into another thing I need to be “good” at.

Because perhaps self-abandonment doesn’t always look like some huge, dramatic thing.

Sometimes it looks like waking up crying…

…and immediately telling yourself you shouldn’t be.

Perhaps self-abandonment is listening to your inner critic berate you for being lazy or sensitive or stupid just because you struggle with Mondays sometimes.

So instead…

It’s ok to cry because it’s Monday and you’re not yet feeling it.

It’s OK to sit with the discomfort of your emotions and allow them to move through you, knowing that you are experiencing something quite human.

It’s OK to feel those feelings. They won’t be there forever. And there is nothing wrong with you because you are feeling them.

So today, I’m going to get up.

Not because I feel like it.
Not because I suddenly have my s**t together.

But because I can take care of myself while I’m feeling like this.

I can make a cup of tea.
I can do a meditation and maybe some havening.
I can have a shower.
I can get dressed.
I can do what actually needs doing.

And I can stop demanding that I feel differently before I’m allowed to get on with my day.

Because maybe Monday doesn’t need a more productive version of me.

Maybe it just needs me.

Anyone else struggle with Mondays?

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

There’s a moment in my coaching where I get an eye roll from my clients…They know I am deliberately challenging them and...
07/08/2026

There’s a moment in my coaching where I get an eye roll from my clients…

They know I am deliberately challenging them and poking the bruise and they hate it, but I think secretly love it at the same time.

Because they know I am not going to let them get away with what they have said or expressed..

And I love when it happens..

Not because I’m trying to catch them out.

Because that eye roll usually means we’ve found an invisible rule that’s been quietly running the show and they know I’m not going to let them continue to run with it.

The old belief they didn’t even realise they were obeying.

The moment they realise they can’t unknow it or hide behind it anymore.

That’s where coaching begins.

And I know this because I have been there.

One of my good friends literally did this to me yesterday (thank you Suzi Graham (MAC)!) when she challenged me over something she knows I am capable of doing but wasn’t doing it (writing a book!)

And I literally eye rolled down the phone! Because she was absolutely right!

(And yes, I promise the book is emerging!)

I’m not interested in giving you better strategies for living inside the same old patterns.

I’m interested in helping them see the pattern in the first place.

Once you can see it, you get to choose whether it still deserves authority in your life. And together we break it.

That’s why I’m known for asking awkward questions and poking the bruise.

Not because I like making you uncomfortable.

Because I care far more about your freedom than I do about your comfort.

But I will support you while you sit in that discomfort.

So I’m curious…

What’s the last thing you said about yourself that you’ve never actually questioned?

Maybe that’s where your next breakthrough begins.

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

PS. If you really want to find your next breakthrough, let’s chat! I have 2 spaces available in September to poke those bruises! 😉

It’s often the little things that trip us up and keep us stuck.Not the big things.Now I am not in anyway whatsoever sayi...
06/08/2026

It’s often the little things that trip us up and keep us stuck.

Not the big things.

Now I am not in anyway whatsoever saying that the big stuff isn’t important. Because it is.

Big traumatic events like abuse, violence, death amongst other things have such an impact on our lives and how we live them.

They don’t always belong in the coaching room. They belong in a therapists room, where people can get the right help to work through them safely and therapeutically.

But what I see in the coaching room time and time again, is it’s the little things that get in the way.

And more often than not, we aren’t even consciously aware of them.

Yet they show up and trip us up time and time again.

Moments in time that we have experienced in our lives, that subconsciously we have taken meaning from and made a decision as a result.

Decisions that impact how we show up in the world and can keep us stuck or small or hidden behind the mask of our pretender.

The way your teacher spoke to you at age 6 when you made a mistake in your homework.

The way your mum looked at you when you spoke up about something you didn’t like or agree with.

The things your friends said about you behind your back at school.

All of these things, on the face of it may sound small and innocuous, right?

But the way they made you feel in that moment and the decisions you made about yourself at the time will have affected how you show up all through your life.

Your beliefs about yourself.

I can’t make mistakes.
I am a bad person.
I don’t belong.
I’m not loveable.
I’m not good enough.

And so you spend your life wearing a mask to compensate.
Pretending to make yourself feel better. And it may work for a while, you get to where you want to be.

But eventually it just feels yuck.. something feels off. And you just can’t seem to shake off that feeling that something isn’t right.

You know deep down something is wrong but you don’t know what is it or why.

But you keep going because it’s just a little thing and I should be able to deal with it, right?

Wrong!

You don’t have to stay stuck in that loop or pattern!

There is a way out.

I have 2 spaces starting in September for 2 people who are fed up with all the little things getting in the way and want to remember who they are underneath them.

People who want to feel like they belong without performing, have success without self abandonment and finally unleash their own inner tigger, so they can feel like themselves again.

Lighter, happier, full of purpose and fully alive.

If this sounds like something for you, then I’d love to chat with you.

I’ll pop the link below!

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers.

https://tidycal.com/helenaclarecoaching/chemistrycall

I got accused of not using enough silence in the coaching room.It came during an assessment for a coaching role where I ...
05/08/2026

I got accused of not using enough silence in the coaching room.

It came during an assessment for a coaching role where I was given just 20 minutes to "coach" someone I'd met moments before.

As someone who works at a much deeper level, I already felt on the back foot. 20 minutes barely gives you time to understand someone's world, never mind help them navigate it safely.

So my own perfectionist took over.

I defaulted to transactional coaching instead of coaching in the way I know works best.

And the feedback I received wasn't really about who I am as a coach.

But one comment stayed with me:

"You don't use enough silence."

It made me question myself.

Because I do use silence.

BUT (and a very BIG BUT!), I ONLY use it when it feels psychologically safe to do so.

Because, if the client doesn't feel that safety, they will fill the gaps when silence is introduced.

My own experience of silence came from childhood. When my mum went quiet, my nervous system learnt to believe I'd done something wrong. I became the people pleaser, the overthinker, the perfectionist, desperately trying to make everything OK.

I still notice that reaction today, particularly with my partner. My brain immediately interprets his silence as "I've done something bad".

And I see versions of it in my clients.

If you introduce silence before safety, many people don't find insight. They feel triggered. Their nervous system takes over and they “mask up”.*

Perfectionists start performing.
People pleasers tell you what they think you want to hear.
Persecutor of self will overanalyse.
Or the persecutor of others will emotionally check out.

Which is why I spend time helping clients regulate their nervous system before I ever use silence intentionally.

For me, silence isn't a technique.

It's something that earns its place through trust and emotional regulation. And when used in the right space, can be incredibly powerful.

Silence isn't another test for you to pass. It shouldn't invite you to perform, second-guess yourself or tell me what you think I want to hear.

My job isn't to create discomfort for the sake of it.

My job is to create a space where someone feels safe enough to stop performing altogether.

Only then can silence become what it's meant to be: a place where insight emerges naturally, not a place where old survival patterns take over.

That philosophy won't be for everyone.

And that's OK.

Because I'm not here to coach in the way everyone else thinks coaching should look.

I'm here to help you experience belonging without performance, so you can create success without self-abandonment.

If you're looking for coaching that honours your nervous system as much as your ambition, where psychological safety isn't an afterthought but the foundation, I'd love to chat.

Because the deepest breakthroughs don't happen when you feel pushed.

They happen when you finally feel safe enough to stop performing.

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

*Paseda360 Pretender Model

It’s 7am and the gentle tinkling of my alarm raises me from my slumber… I reach for my phone to swipe the alarm off.Yawn...
29/07/2026

It’s 7am and the gentle tinkling of my alarm raises me from my slumber…

I reach for my phone to swipe the alarm off.

Yawning, I pick it up to check my emails and notifications (and yes I know I shouldn’t, but that’s life isn’t it!)

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, one email stands out….

“YOU are the PASEDA360 Coach of the Month”

I rub my eyes again..

WTF!

I was not expecting that! But what a way to start the day!

Basking in the glory and lovely recognition, I sat in bed for a few moments and reflected on what I had achieved this month which led to this!

Coaching my clients and seeing the phenomenal shifts they have been making in their lives.

Studying and practising for my Master Practitioner training with Paseda360 Training Academy - which has tough but so good!

Facilitating at the face to face training for Cohort 9 of the Advanced Practitioner training with Paseda360 and my fabulous colleagues which was a joy!

Spending time on and in my business - I am feeling the difference!

Sitting in the client seat for a change and feeling my own shifts and growth.

Allowing Tigger to be present in the room unapologetically and loving it!

So yes, I am super proud of this.

There is no such thing as a humble brag!

So yes, it’s OK to celebrate your progress and your wins!

In fact, if you aren’t doing this, then you need to start!

It’s essential for bringing joy and happiness into your life!

(Can’t you tell I’ve just completed my Well Being Award with Art of Brilliance)!

But they are 100% right!

And that’s just what I did with a client that afternoon. We celebrated, Pom Pom style, all the “colour” in her life that she hasnt noticed!

We shook our Pom Poms together to celebrate life and all its wonderfulness!

So go shake your Pom Poms as I am shaking mine for me, for getting recognition this week!

What are you shaking your Pom Poms at this week?

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

According to my kids I interrupt too much.I talk over people. I raise my voice to make sure I am heard. I repeat myself ...
28/07/2026

According to my kids I interrupt too much.

I talk over people. I raise my voice to make sure I am heard. I repeat myself because I’m not totally sure I was heard the first time.

And apparently, I do this far too often (except when I’m coaching - weird but good!)

So now they’re making me put my hand up before I speak – like I am 6 years old again.

My kids are my biggest supporters but also my biggest critics. And they can be brutal. So this one really hurt.

But every time they dish out this brutal honesty, it does make me reflect on my behaviour.

And this one was a tough one to figure out.

So I went back to what I know. I am deep in my master practitioner training with Paseda360 Training Academy and so the concept of our “worst self” behaviours is now ingrained in my psyche. Those automatic behaviours and patterns that show up when we are triggered or threatened. And this one was a big one for me. Made tougher that it came via my kids!

Now part of it may be that my memory is appalling and I blame menopause for that.

However, interrupting for me isn’t just bad manners. It had actually become a survival pattern that my nervous system learned a long time ago.

Growing up as the eldest in a busy, chaotic household, there was a clear and unspoken rule:

Be good. Perform. Don’t rock the boat.

No one had ever said that my voice didn’t matter but somewhere along the way, I had decided that I needed to earn attention.

I learned to jump in and interrupt.

To raise my voice. To repeat. To literally make sure I was seen and heard, because being quiet in our house felt like disappearing.

I have been running that pattern for years, on autopilot. And I didn’t even realise.

Now I am exploring a different approach:

What if I don’t need to earn my worth or my place?

What if I don’t need to fight to be heard?

What if I can just trust that my voice lands, without me forcing it or repeating it over and over?

And it’s not easy. I still do it now but am learning to recognise it.

You see, your brain doesn’t just stop doing things because you’ve consciously recognised the pattern. But you can notice the small wins – pressing pause before you speak, trusting that it’s ok to be silent, saying something once and letting it be heard the first time.

And my kids?

They’re the best accountability coaches I could ask for. They are teaching me every single day that being heard isn’t about volume or repetition.

It’s about presence.

I’m curious though!

What's one “worst self” pattern you're still running that drives you nuts - and what would it look like to step out of it?

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

There is something quite beautiful watching your children and realising they have turned into decent, kind and loving hu...
26/07/2026

There is something quite beautiful watching your children and realising they have turned into decent, kind and loving human beings.

Last night, I dropped my son (20) and daughter (17) off at New Street to catch a train up north, to see family.

As they crossed the busy road, I watched as they made sure they were together and my son took my daughters bag from her to carry.

And I melted…

It was such a wonderful thing to watch as it’s clear how much they care for each other and actually enjoy spending time together!

Well I hope they do, as they have a 2 hour train journey together!

But it’s always so lovely to see their closeness and to know that I had a part in that…

So as I enjoy a weekend to myself, as my other half is also away working, I am feeling grateful!

Grateful for my family and the love we share for each other x

What are you feeling grateful for this weekend?

Helena x
Pattern Breaker
Unleashing Inner Tiggers

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