01/12/2026
Broomball Night in America Week 1 Recap!
The classy ladies of Hub 69’s and the Rhombus Rebels christened the 2026 season with a ceremonial ball drop by The Loft Bar and Grill, featuring veteran all-purpose Hubberite Jared Bertsch and Rebel player-captain Evan Dosch, which would ultimately be the final instance of the Rebels’ proximity to the game ball.
Dilly Dally Aaker strummed the first chord of his swan season with a 38 goal performance despite the absence of Jelly Legs Gilbraith. Prairie Jae Wildfire led the Rebel Rhombii with two smackaways, and Adrian Grimaldo did eventually make it to the arena.
In other scores, Mac’s Pool Pros starts THEIR season 1-0 with a 2-goal performance by Connor McCartey and a Brady Friend hat trick, despite nearly HALF the Half Bros H***y Toads remembering their jersey’s for the Week 1 games.
League expansion team The Cork Soakers wowed onlookers with new triple-digit uniforms and single-digit scoring by Brad Mayer and Darrin Hager, which tastefully complimented a double-digit loss to Another Friendless Weekend and her multi-goal performances from Endless Mike Peterson, Grant Thorfinnson, Jeremy Manstrom, and Silas Pera, who currently sits in first with a goal-of-the-year candidacy.
Gandelson netminder Mark Akehurst recorded a 99.9% save percentage in a 6-0 loss to PREAT, who enjoyed a noteworthy goal from Sarah Boese in her first game back since the 2024 campaign.
2025 All-League First Team forward Philly Oswald registered the season’s first child as the Loft Lizards went all tit and no tat with double-heading PREAT, falling 4-1 according to some while perpetual hall-of-fame candidate Mark Brunell recorded a +3 in slips, trips, and falls.
And picking up right where she left off in 2025, Half Brothers H***y Toad Courtney Gloe tallied 550 minutes of playing time in servicing every single team in each of the Week 1 games. This performance shatters her own single-night record of 549 minutes in 2024 when Gloe reportedly had to take a phonecall.
This week’s episode was sponsored by:
Dagwoods
Buff City Soaps
Airtonomy
Firehouse Subs
Ferguson Books & More
The Spud Jr’s EGF location
and the Wild Hog!
