Hawk Dork, 94 Tootal Road, Dingley Village, Melbourne (2026)

06/03/2026

[RIGHT V WRONG QUESTION]

When Coach asked the players after the very disappointing loss “where do you think you and we are at?” - that was the wrong question to ask after a preseason game obviously. After all, it’ll take us at least 3 regular season games to know where we’re at - unless we’re Carlton.

But coach didn’t ask that question after last Friday night’s drubbing. Instead, he asked the lads that question last July immediately after losing by almost 9 goals to the Pies in round 12. And as much as that’s the wrong question to ask last Friday, it was the right question back in the middle of the season after getting flogged - our hunt and work rate were off a bazillion miles, with 12 blokes not laying one single tackle.

But when comparing the other stats from round 12 last year to last Friday’s preseason hit out - not including tackles and the actual scoreboard - the stats were, first, surprisingly favourable to us, and second, eerily similar, because in both games we either won or broke even in all of clearances, contested possies, hit outs, and inside 50s.

So sure, the stats looked decent enough, but still, whether you watched either game on TV or at the ground, both looked horrendous to the Mighty Fighting faithful … both sh!tshows for big chunks. Because when the pill spilled from the contest, we got thrashed on the outside - chasing tale, never seeing the pill again, and conceding snags.

Which leads this column to the question that Coach will have pondered not just last Friday night, but ever since our prelim loss last September:

“Are we setting the ground up right?”

Because the truth is, Coach is tweaking how he sets up the ground compared to previous seasons - because too often last season especially we couldn’t get the pill out of D50 against the top 6 sides, with Coach now doubling down on a front half game.

In other words, numbers behind the pill, with our elite half backs (Sis, Scrim, Karl and Dimma) pushing really high up the ground - with a willingness to pull the trigger and launch the pill by foot to Lewis and co at half forward, rather having to always switch to the fat side and run, run, run all the time, which sure, worked pretty well against weaker oppo, but was a trick that Shelbyville took away from us in the prelim all too easily, making it very hard to move the pill.

And yes, setting up the ground different didn’t work too well against the Bullies obviously. But that wasn’t the ground being set-up wrong by Coach most likely. Rather, we got out worked and made too many blunders and poor decisions. Ex*****on and work rate were the problem, not game plan and strategy. Which is a preseason game problem, not an opening round one fingers crossed.

26/02/2026

[BE CLEAN OR BE GONE]

Riddle me this Hawks Fam, why did Ginni come back from playing with Box Hill on Easter Monday weekend last season to finish 5th in the B&F, but his great mate, CJ, disappeared to the Dees on a 3 year deal in October.

And the answer is why we’ll either push for top 4 or wrestle the also rans this season.

The answer being?

Cleanliness.

And in September especially, cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Which pretty much makes Ginni a God.

Consider that Ginni was third leading possie getter in last year’s prelim - where he again proved himself to be probably our best (Skywalker excluded) at using the ball cleanly by hand when we outnumber at the contest between the arcs, rather than hack kicking to half forward, where the prune would otherwise rebound on us at warp speed.

Games are won and lost this way. That split second decision to use his hands in the phone box, where Ginni puts runners like CMac and Moorey into space beyond the contest is how Coach loves to kick snags (and not concede them by hack kicking to half forward) - and why Ginni pulled so many B&F votes after Easter Monday.

It’s a simple equation - the better players play their role and the bigger influence they have on the outcome, the more votes they get.

So yes, it’s hard to overstate the importance of both being clean AND choosing the correct option. It’s often the sliding doors moments in game that either put Ws on the board and catapults us up the ladder, or not.

And for CJ?

It’s not sadly.

Three times in the prelim he wasn’t clean - and it cost us our comeback. First, fumbling Battle’s handball on half back when both were dashing out of defence in the third quarter. Second, missing later the same quarter Lewis who was open inside 50. And third and finally in the last, fumbling a hot handball in D50 that resulted in another Dangerfield goal.

Sure, his card wasn’t stamped because of these moments. Rather, they confirmed what Coach already knew - under pressure, with the game on the line, CJ isn’t clean often enough.

And succeeding in September is no riddle.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

So be clean or be gone.

22/02/2026

[NOODLE IS NO MEEK DISH]

The New Jungle Rule from AFL House has put big gorillas like Meeky at risk of cold water shrinkage and made Dingley’s Dish of Noodles very tasty, albeit still a secret weapon somewhat on our mission to evolve the midfield from finals contender to top 4 mover and shaker.

Secret because nobody’s talking about this, especially not media clowns and other nay sayers who’ll scoff at the idea of Noodle making a material difference to our midfield fortunes this season. These Noise Makers, instead, point to the absence of Skywalker and Merrett as supposed reasons why we’ll apparently continue to chase top 4 backside in season’26. But they’re wrong as usual - wilfully ignoring the evidence, which is starring everyone in the face from match sim last Monday against the Shelbyville lads in blue and white hoops.

Because for the first 10 minutes of match sim, it was like the prelim was the Never Ending Story as Shelbyville won centre clearance and pumped the pill into our D50. The only differences from that tussle 6 months ago? It was hotter than a thousand suns last Monday, the game was played 40kms from the ‘G, and Shelbyville had their B team in, save for Dempsey, Atkins and a new recruit who looked strangely like Worpedo’s doppelgänger. And if you actually watch the tape on Kayo like this column did, you’ll see that Shelbyville getting a free ride like a presidential motorcade into our D50 from centre bounce wasn’t because their Bubble Boys were better than ours. Rather, you’ll see De Koning and Edwards leaping over Meeky time and again to get first hand on the pill.

Being unable to cross the equator - ie, the big rule change this season - meant our gorilla couldn’t wrestle his higher leaping opponent to the ground before they could got airborne and couldn’t nullify their tap work as a result. Meeky wasn’t Robinson Cruso with this shrinkage problem during match sim though, with North’s Xerri also at sea against the Dees sans Gawn - and it’ll be likewise for Briggs, Darcy, Nank, Grundy and others come the real stuff.

But when Noodle entered the contest at the 12-minute mark, the tide turned. We didn’t lose clearance. Rather, we either won the pill or broke even, forcing a second stoppage - which we then won or broke even again (especially in D50 where stoppage lead to goals conceded all too often in season ‘25). What worked against the gorillas, worked for Noodle, resulting in our Bubble Boys getting proactive, because they knew where Noddle was hitting, flicking and dropping the prune. My highlight? Our first goal when Noddle put the prune in Moorey’s mitts for his quick snap at a ball up in our F50.

Yes, it’s only match sim, and yes, it’s only February, and yes, Meeky has runs on the board - but still, this column predicts the body of evidence for Noodle will grow this Friday night against the Dogs. He’s an elite tap ruckman who connects wonderfully well with Nuke (his housemate and bestie) and Frenchie (from their shared blood, sweat and tears toiling away in the VFL last year) in particular, not to mention that Noodle is now also much more competitive in both The Bubble and around the ground compared to previous seasons.

In other words, Noodle is no longer the lamppost that Haters have labelled him. Rather, he’s grown into his 211cm rig and is over his back injury that plagued previous campaigns.

But this column isn’t saying Meeky will play for Box Hill again either. With an extra on the bench, we can play 2 rucks, especially with Meeky’s weapons - his spread from contest, bull dozing of ground balls, clunking outlet kicks, and his uncanny knack of hitting the scoreboard when we’re desperate for a snag (with the first goal against the Dogs in the ‘25 elimination final springing to mind, or him kicking our first goal against the Giants in round 3 last year after we conceded the first 5 snags of the match).

In fact, Meeky was still very influential in match sim - beating De Koning and Edwards around the ground, with his crucial clunks, link play, and trademark physicality. So despite the jungle rules bending against gorillas like Meeky, our gorilla is still a critical puzzle piece for Coach as we evolve into top 4 mover and shaker.

15/02/2026

[OODLES OF NOODLE]

If Skywalker’s busted wing was the worst news of this preseason, what has been the best so far?

Well, it’s not the fact that Coach just spent the weekend whispering sweet nothings in the ear of Zak Butters, or that Mitchy Lewis is training with zero tape or strapping for the first time since he became our great hope up forward - I mean, just think of the hours Mitchy’s got back now he’s not locked up in the physio room 24/7?

So instead, I say that the best news so far this year is hearing that Noodle clunked a big one up fwd in match sim. He put his long tentacles towards the sun and wrapped his mits around the prune while those in oppo jumpers could do nothing but admire the view. And not only that, but Oodles of Noodle has also snapped a few snags Tomahawk style from boundary throw ins and ball ups close to goal.

Why is all this best?

Well, the non believers who say our man Noodle will never amount to anything more than a lamppost will nay say this obviously. But if Noodle can assert anything close to the same influence he had on the VFL last season on AFL oppo in ‘26 - where he won clearances, clunked the prune, and challenged around the ground, getting from D50 to F50 and back again - then we have what the marketing folks love to crap on about when explaining how to make money - that is, a Point of Difference.

Specifically, a POD that our AFL oppo can’t copy (not having a 210cm ruck of their own, save for the Dees and a few others), or a difference that they can easily negate, especially with the new ruck rules meaning that Noodle’s opposite number can’t wrestle, scrag or pin him to the ground, or try other tactics that’d otherwise minimise his silver service tap work, having instead to now stay on their own side of the line at ctr throw up (ie, the new ctr bounce), like squabbling children who have to be separated by farked-off parents who just wanted some peace and quiet.

In fact, the match sim play that I love most (I’ve only watched it 11 or 12 times so far myself …) is when Noodle, at ctr throw up, gets the prune from Connor Ireland, who’s fighting in The Bubble for a ground ball, with Noodle then giving it quickly by hand to The Pencil, who has time and space as result of Noodles’ quick mits to look up field and take ground by foot, giving it to the man-child Greeves at half forward, all of which results in an aesthetically pleasing snag when he puts Frenchie into space inside 50. None of that, of course, happens unless Noodle gets involved in The Bubble, going to work with clean hands below his knees when Connor Ireland fights successfully for first possie.

Noodle as a POD isn’t lost on Coach either - having rewarded his excellent VFL season last year with a fresh 3 year deal in November. Not only is that reward for his great form, it’s also a bet that Noodle can influence AFL games in ‘26, beyond giving our Bubble Boys first possie at ctr ball throw-up.

10/02/2026

[BUBBLE BOYS]

With Skywalker’s busted wing and Mum and Dad saying that Merrett can’t come over and play after school this year, our pedestrian midfield is now MS dos circa 1990 or worse apparently. Well, so say all the non believers anyway.

But when I hover my magnifying glass over the Bubble Boys for season 26 - those lads being Newk, Wardy, Connor Ireland, Frenchie, Croc, and Butler (ie, The Bubble Boys) - the ones entrusted to occupy that 20 metre radius of turf around the pill (ie, The Bubble) where clearances are won & lost, territory is claimed & conceded, and goals are kicked for or against us, all as a result of who wins the Bubble Battle, I not only see potential, but also a single finger salute to the expectations of those nay sayers who are as abundant as they are boring.

And yes, it’s not only the unrealised promise of Merrett & Skywalker that helps non believers to throw shade on our midfield. It’s also the loss of Worpedo, who sadly grabbed his way one VLine ticket to Shelbeville this offseason (although we do wish him the best of luck, except on Easter Monday and September, obviously).

But adversity creates opportunity, which will be more minutes in The Bubble for Croc, Butler and Frenchie especially, with a splash of Joe Wembley, joining mainstays Nuke, Conor Ireland and Wardy. Sure, the mossies - Moore, Wizard, and Ginni - will play high, get speed on the pill, and add buzziness to a handful of centre bounces each week. But they’re not exclusive Bubble Boys for the purpose of this discussion - nor are our trusty quarterbacks in Karl and Sis (with handy cameos to come from JB and Scrim) who’ll keep winning the pill across half back and topping the possie charts no doubt (it’ll still be a fast transition game in ‘26 after all!).

The reason to be bullish on our Bubble Boys this season is primarily about the problem they can solve collectively. And that isn’t getting their mits on the prune first (ie, winning first possie). Rather, it’s NOT coughing up the prune immediately when they do, where we get caught off side and out of position as a result, which is when the oppo swoops on our clumsiness and makes hay (leaving the faithful with no choice but to throw fruit at the TV). We’ve coughed up first possie time and again dating back to round 1 2023 against the Scum, where we made it an art form that sunny arvo at the G.

But no longer!

Wardy’s sure handling and creativity in The Bubble against the Crowbots in last year’s semi final is Exhibit A for what’s possible (with the Cats quickly recognising his influence and shutting him out of the prelim, the 2nd half especially where he didn’t register a possie). He’ll be joined by Frenchie, who’ll bounce back from a horror, yet crucial season for his growth and development in ‘25 (just like Wardy in ‘24), as well as Croc who’s fast feet, quick hands, and spread will be a new weapon in The Bubble for Coach. Yes we haven’t seen Croc in there before (totalling just 5 centre bounces in ‘25), but he’s got assets and toughness.

Also watch to see Noodle hit the prune here, there and everywhere, as Coach goes back-to-the-future, choosing to play 2 rucks, to give us ascendancy (via an elite tap ruck) at neutral dead ball situations like centre bounce.

Butler and Connor Ireland will then provide the muscle, while Joe Wembley will help expand our ability to burst forward out of The Bubble, with too much left to Nuke up until now. Together with Croc, Frenchie and Wardy especially, Nuke will do what Skywalker does best - handle the pill cleanly and run at the closest oppo in The Bubble, forcing them to decide - move up to tackle (creating space behind) or hold width (enabling us to go from inside to out).

So don’t listen to the nay sayers and instead keep the rage that Skywalker will be the cherry on top when he returns, not irreplaceable.

01/02/2026

[SPILL THE TEA] 🫖🍃

With under 3 weeks before the Cats at Dingley, what’ll we see? Tea leaves say:

❌ No Skywalker (aka, our man Will Day) - who is sadly out till mid May, which you know already unless you’ve been living in a rocky enclave on Taliban tribal lands.

✅ Thankfully future AA CHB, Noah Mraz, will be there - his aggression, improved positioning from his early days in VFL last year, courage in the air and bigger tank will not only cause headaches for Coach on how to fit him into a backline already stacked with JB, TB, Scrim and Sis, but also why the Dogs, North, Swans and other teams crying out for a key defender let the best one in the 2024 super draft slide to us at pick 35 (after being destined for top 10 before a foot injury wiped out his draft year - an injury he gave himself, no less, doing extras in order to improve the spring in his 198cm frame!)

Tea leaves also say look at 🫖🍃:

✅ Croc into The Bubble, where his quick feet, creativity, toughness and power running will help to not only cover Skywalker’s loss until mid season but also the Worpedo’s one-way off season trip to Shelbyville (spies say Croc played as inside mid exclusively in match sim)

✅ Butler also into The Bubble, where he’ll do what he did in VFL last year hopefully - winning more of the pill, both inside and out, as well as using his running power contest-to-contest, clean handling and ex*****on, and his pressure, tackling and toughness

✅ Connor Ireland (aka, Connor Nash 🇮🇪) getting more outside pill, following on from his 23 and 24 possie finals against Cats & Giants and which’ll continue his rise as an offensive threat & link man (not just defensive beast who defends the blind side of The Bubble and shuts down the oppo’s best midfield gorilla)

✅ Bubble Boys of Connor Ireland, Butler, Croc, Nuke, Ward and Frenchie winning first possession AND not coughing up the pill like we have done all-too-often previously (with Frenchie, in particular, primed to add more cleanliness and class to stoppage work following his excellent preseason by all reports)

✅ Joe Wembley starting on the wing, so he can (a) still play behind the ball as defensive winger (despite no room for him in stacked backline now) and also (b) go centre fwd (ie, the Dusty/Bailey Humphrey/Cam Rayner role) to threaten oppo in the air and with his legs - as he did with some success in Giants and Crows finals

✅ Joe Wembley also starting in centre square at times, so someone other than Nuke can burst out the front of stoppage - providing a new offensive threat for Kingy to froth over

✅ 2 rucks in the same side, because Noodle wasn’t given his new 3 year deal last November to be the best ruckman in the VFL again. Fingers crossed his 210cm frame will not only hit to the outside (where Bubble Boys who excel at fast feet (not wrestling) like Ward, Frenchie and Croc can use their inside to outside jets and good decision making to give us ascendancy & Ws in the inside 50 column), but also start chains from D50, complete hard between the arcs, and threaten in front of the pill too (ie, that Noodle will do exactly what he did in season 2025, just against AFL opponents, not VFL)

✅ Bailey Mac as #1 speed man behind the ball, releasing Impey forward (which was Coach’s break glass in emergency move last season when team needed a shot of adrenaline - where CJ as sub more often than not was activated onto half back, with Impey going forward to add spark and kick cheeky snags)

✅ 4 forwards in the same side, with the little reported reasons why coach wants to play Chol, Lewis, Dear and Unc in same side together (which go way beyond offensive flex & scoreboard pressure) becoming clearer

Hawk Dork

06/03/2026

26/02/2026

22/02/2026

15/02/2026

10/02/2026

01/02/2026

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