08/04/2026
So true for so many sports👌
Responsible Parenting
My father spent thousands of hours watching me from the beach. Whether I was surfing a heat in my hometown of Durban, South Africa, or having a free-surf session in Hawaii, he was always there, a quiet, steady figure standing on the sand. But in all those years, he was never a director.
My father understood that you cannot control from the beach.
When you’re in the lineup it is just you, your board, and the moving mountain of water in front of you. You are operating on instinct. :) You are making split-second decisions with no room for a second guess.
My dad didn't use flags or a whistle from the water's edge. He never tried to shout instructions over the roar of the breaking surf to tell me which wave to take or how to carve my line.
He just watched with powerful and warm encouragement emanating from his being. If I lost, he never chastised or criticized me or told me you should’ve, would’ve, could’ve.
He knew that if he tried to control my performance from the shore, he would be subverting my independence and eroding my confidence. He would be preventing me from developing the very thing I needed most to survive, not just big surf, but the intense pressure of competition that can break you as surely as a massive wave: my own judgment.
I see so many organizations today where control is mistaken for support. Leaders become directors, attempting to choreograph every movement of their team from a safe distance. They provide the script, they define the exact path, and they wait on the shoreline with a metaphorical megaphone. But micromanaging people is a sign that you don’t trust the foundations you have built.
My father didn't give me a map of the ocean, but he gave me a map for my mind - he gave me the responsibility to win and to lose under my own terms. He gave me the internal anchors of integrity and responsibility. He made it clear that once I paddled out, the "director" was me. I was the one accountable for the ride. I was the one who had to make the decisions – which wave to choose and how to ride it.
The greatest gift a leader or parent can give their team or their child is the freedom to make their own decisions that lead to their own successes - or failures...