Kelli Elizabeth Coaching

01/28/2024

What do humans, camels and elephants have in common?
They are the only mammals that hold a grudge.

People who have suffered trauma, especially as a child, are likely to do and say things that hurt others, even their children. It is easy to think, "She was hurt as a child; she knows what it feels like, so she wouldn't hurt her children." Sadly, that is not how trauma works. A child raised by an abusive parent is six times more likely to abuse their children when they become parents.
Trauma then becomes multi-generational and shows up in all areas of life: Home and Work. Trauma responses have damaged relationships; some can be repaired, but others cannot.
Some trauma survivors will do the hard work of healing and recovering from their trauma; others will continue in maladaptive patterns of behavior. Those who chose to heal have embarked on a long and challenging journey. Two things happen when those closest to them continue to hold their past mistakes against them: 1. The journey becomes harder and the burden heavier 2. The people unable or unwilling to see growth and healing become toxic people in the life of the one trying to heal.
Before you join the camels and elephants, consider shifting your weight. Consider compassionate curiosity. If someone has acted out of their trauma and past hurt but is working to become a healthier and stronger person, encourage them. Allow them to show up today as an authentic, wounded, and healing person.
Much Love,
Kelli Elizabeth

04/18/2023

04/18/2023

When I was stuck in my trauma - I was told:
I could choose to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I could choose to be happy
I could choose…..

While the people saying these things meant well and genuinely believed what they were saying and ultimately YES - they were right. However - they lacked an understanding of what trauma had done to my brain, to my ability to think positively.

When I chose to feel sorry for myself & play the blame game. My mind and spirit would not heal. I stayed stuck in trauma. Stuck in the past.

Moving into healing is a choice. The road is long and difficult. It is not a straight line. Many times I found myself back at the bottom of the pit I just climbed out of. The good news is it’s easier to get out the second, third, fourth and so on….. times you find yourself there.

Today someone said to me, sure you can heal, life is easy for you. I used to make the same assumption. Life is not easy for me today. I choose to stay on the healing path. I engage tools that rewire the damage trauma did to my brain and give myself grace when I need to.
Here are the first two steps of my healing journey that changed my life:
A morning emotion check-in: without any judgment, what am I feeling. Anxious, scared, excited, upset. Simply Identifying what I was feeling. Allowed me to realize I am not my feelings. This also allowed me to put space between me and my feelings.
Each day I did a Loving Kindness meditation towards those who hurt me. I offered loving kindness towards my mother and narcissistic & emotionally abusive husband. While this was difficult to do, it expanded my capacity for healing and allowed me to become healthier.
Are you ready to choose wholeness?
Are you ready to do the hard work of becoming healthy?
Have you been on this path for a while & want support?
I am here to love & support you on your journey. The link below is an offer for a Complimentary Confidential Clarity Call. If you are ready to explore what wholeness will look like for you?
Much Love,
Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/17/2023

Health - There are different types of health.
Mental Health
Emotional Health
Physical Health
Spiritual Health
Financial Health

When one or more of these is lacking it will impact every part of our life. This makes balance very important. Balance is difficult for trauma survivors. We tend to get focused on one area or aspect of life.

It is easy to convince ourselves if I could lose weight all would be well. One of the issues with this is we use food to manage our nervous system, so this ends up working against us. This is only one example of why it is important to view recovery from a balanced and multi faceted approach.
If you feel one or more of these areas are out of balance, please use the link below and let’s talk about what healing and becoming whole looks like for you.
Much Love,

https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/14/2023

04/14/2023

HAPPY
It is okay to be happy!! Sometimes trauma survivors need or feel like they need permission to be happy. We really do not need permission to be happy. It really is okay to smile, laugh and play.

What are some things that make you happy?
Watching children play?
Swinging on a swing? (I love doing this)
Long drives
Sitting and holding hands
Building a model
Doing a puzzle
Coloring
Walking on the beach
Listening to music

Today make, time to go do something that feels good, and makes you smile.
Much Love
Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/13/2023

Anger:
I believe anger is a very misunderstood emotion or feeling. We hide a lot of things behind anger. What if anger is sometimes genuinely being angry for someone mistreating us?

What if other times we don’t feel safe saying I’m scared…. It feels safer to be angry. Then we hide scared inside of anger. Hurt is another feeling that often hides inside of anger.

One of the areas of emotion my clients often explore is what is behind or hiding in their anger? They have accepted the cultural idea that it is bad or wrong to be angry. Perhaps they have been shamed for being angry or the things they did when they were angry.

If you are, like me, healing from narcissistic abuse, perhaps you were gaslighted “Why are you ALWAYS so ANGRY” Then it went another layer deep “Why do you always use ALWAYS & NEVER”? Funny how a narcissist never notices when they use always or never??

Most of us are uncomfortable with our anger:

What about anger makes you uncomfortable?
Why is anger with you?
What is anger protecting you from?
What does anger look like?
When does anger show up?
When does anger leave?
How do you act when you feel angry?
Where do you feel anger in your body?

Answers to these questions can be clues to where anger came from & why it is with you. They can also support you in deciding how you want to respond to anger in the future. One of the best parts of healing is awareness - just because I did it that way before, does not mean I have to do it that way now. If anger is showing up for you and you are uncomfortable with it…. Let’s talk. I am available for a complimentary confidential coaching call…. The link below is for my calendar.
Much Love,

Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/12/2023

Emotional Health - WOW is this a loaded subject with all kinds of messages. Hidden & Right out in full view.

Each of us picked up emotional messages from our parents and have carried them usually without even knowing it.
Many of our parents carried messages from their parents that directly impacted their capacity to love and nurture us.

Some of these messages may have been something like:
Be quiet, you are always so loud
Just sit still
Did you even taste your food? Or just inhale it?

These types of messages get caught in the mind of a child and then interpreted based on other input the child receives from parents and others. Then these messages impact our feelings, how we interpret situations around us. They affect our behavior. What happens if some of our behavior is maladaptive? We:
RAGE - yell, throw things, scream, call names…..
Hide - present as shy, or quiet when we are really afraid of rejection or judgment
Overeat - Seek comfort from food when we are really - lonely, sad, hurting, scared, not hungry.

Some emotions are labeled as good and some are labeled as bad. Being angry is bad. Being happy is good. Being upset is bad. Being calm is good. These judgements of our emotion only add to the difficulty understanding and managing our feelings…..
What if we decided that on your healing journey all feelings were welcome! All FEELINGS are good! All FEELINGS are valid! All FEELINGS are here for a reason! We can lean into them - learn from them.
If you are interested in exploring how you can learn from your emotions, please use the link below for a complementary confidential conversation to explore steps to support you in accepting ALL of your feelings.
Much Love,
Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/11/2023

Health - There are different types of health.
Mental Health
Emotional Health
Physical Health
Spiritual Health
Financial Health

When one or more of these is lacking it will impact every part of our life. This makes balance very important. Balance is difficult for trauma survivors. We tend to get focused on one area or aspect of life.

It is easy to convince ourselves if I could lose weight all would be well. One of the issues with this is we use food to manage our nervous system, so this ends up working against us. This is only one example of why it is important to view recovery from a balanced and multi faceted approach.
If you feel one or more of these areas are out of balance, please use the link below and let’s talk about what healing and becoming whole looks like for you.
Much Love
Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly

04/10/2023

HOPE
Health
Optimism
Peace
Experience

Life as a trauma survivor can feel very hopeless.
There are a lot of very good reasons for this.
Our brains were physically changed by the trauma. The good news is we can take charge of this process and re-wire healthy thought processes back into our brains and impact the way we think.
People around us have likely reinforced the negative thought processes and gotten used to this version of us. We can take charge of that also.
When we choose the healing journey, it is a journey. We will discover a HOPE we did not know was possible.

I would love to explore how you can find hope and discover Healthy emotions - Healthy thoughts

Optimism - how to look forward to life instead of dreading each day or significant events like holidays and family gatherings.

Peace - just feeling content and at peace regardless of the circumstances.

Experience - Feel & experience life in all of its beauty and wonder. If you are like me, you have wondered why other people could seem to enjoy the experience of life and I was feeling dread or nothing.

If this sounds like you and you are tired of feeling hopeless.
You are ready to find your hope. Please use my calendar link below and let’s talk.
Much Love
Kelli
https://bit.ly/KellisCalendly