12/07/2021
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How am I showing up and what energy do I want to play in? It’s one thing to do the inner healing work alone but it really comes into practice in related-ness (relationship). I’m looking at my hard-wiring, my defaults, my programming in each moment and asking myself how I want to be showing up. Do I want to play into some old narrative? Or can I choose to show up differently this time— change course, even if it’s just a degree or two, choose a different way to RESPOND rather than react. Of course this is fully tested when you’re thrown into old environments, family or old relationships, where emotions can be high and fully take over.
I’m going back to NY for the first time for a winter / holiday season this year since 2014. I’ve gone back for summers; I used to go back and stay for quite a while… a month, three weeks… til the trips got shorter and shorter and it looked like seeing folks briefly, an hour or two, here or there, not being able to fully drop in. I’m looking forward to embracing intimacy (no not in the way you are thinking). Intimacy in the form of staying, dropping in, not running away the moment emotions and stresses get high. Not saying that I’ll be able to do this 100% successfully with ease, but saying that I am willing to try. I am willing to face old relationships and experiences and choose my responses differently.
It’s been a beautiful thing to practice showing up in relationship differently than I once did. I am making choices from a place of deep love and care, expansive open-heartedness, and kindness. All while honoring my Self, my own needs, in the fullest embodiment of my truth. Of course there are some relationships I’m unable to meet gracefully with this approach, but maybe someday that will change. Or maybe it won’t and that’s okay. What’s catching my attention these days is exploring conscious relationship, embracing not holding, seeking the truth, and moving through it all with a playful curiosity. Grateful to be here ✌️🌀💙🙏✨
