Hank DeGroat

08/24/2023

two weeks in August
i watched someone i loved take their last breath
spent a long weekend with family that i let slip away
was surrounded by the smiles of curious little eyes
held space for healing as we said good-bye
and celebrated the new beginnings of young love
two weeks in August

RIP - dad schuurmann
forever grateful @ overvoorde, postma, & schuurman clans

11/05/2021

It’s pretty cool to see something you’ve worked on be rated #1 on any list. Even for a brief moment in time.

The reviews telling me how my story and my “story” are touching people's lives have been amazing to read and filled my heart with joy!

But the support from friends and family has been incredible!

What more can I say than Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!

Hank

10/30/2021

When I was 14, I met a girl who lived 300 miles away at a weekend church retreat. We exchanged addresses, and I received a letter in the mail the following week. Embarrassed by my inability to spell or write, I sent her a cassette tape with an audio tour of my house and high school town, Gallup New Mexico.

I missed being “Hooked on Phonics” and did my best to avoid reading unrehearsed passages in public. If pressed, I would cover up rough patches with self-deprecating humor and deflection.

Joby – Hidden Strengths, is a gift to my younger self who avoided written expression and public reading. You did this! You wrote this book! It is a gift to my children, and all of you who have wiring or gifts that make you feel you are on the outside of life looking in. You are not alone. There are more of us, like you, who have been forced to swallow the red pill. Come find us.
Now take a deep breath.

Exhale.

You Got This!

Hank

P.S. The eBook is on day 5 of 5 for the .99 countdown sale.
tinyurl.com/Joby99Sale

10/29/2021

“Alright... Hey, one more thing,” Reid said, reaching for a small bookmark on his desk and handing it to Joby, a simple black font read - growth is not a separation from, but a transformation to.

Joby turned the card over in his hand, revealing a vibrant monarch caterpillar suspended in chrysalis form, its translucent shell holding the past, present, and metamorphosis to come.” - from - Joby: Hidden Strength

Joby’s story is a journey of self-discovery and growth. I wanted to write some snappy little insight on growth here to inspire and encourage those taking the time to read this, but I’m falling short.

Growth can be challenging and brutal
the learning of a needed skill
watching friends parish in war

Growth can be beautiful and tranquil
the birth of my children
meditation on a sandy shore

Growth can be… (share your thoughts in the comments below)

Cheers,
Hank

The eBook is on day 4 of 5 for the .99 countdown sale.
tinyurl.com/Joby99Sale

10/28/2021

“I can’t believe it. You totally dropped in and verted! Were you scared?” Eli asked.
“Yeah, a little, but that’s natural,” Joby said with a shrug.
“How do you do it?”
“You build up to it. It’s about learning to trust yourself.”
“When will I be able to do it?”
“Dude, you’re five, no rush. Keep working the small ramps and bowls. You’ll be killing it when you’re ten.”

The above dialogue is taken from a scene in Joby: Hidden Strengths, between Joby and his son Eli while at a skatepark.

Learning to trust yourself is particularly difficult for those of us who fall under the neurodiversity umbrella. By definition, we experience, interact, and interpret the world differently from many of those around us. So how do you learn to trust your thoughts, ideas, intuitions, and feelings when you struggle to find validation for them from those around you?

Practice.

Joby didn’t take Eli to the top of the giant competition ramp and try to get him to overcome his fear. Eli was right to be scared. He didn’t have the skill to do what needs to be done in that situation. Joby encouraged Eli to do what he needed to do, start small, practice, and when the timing was right, face his fear and drop in.

Speaking from my experience, I’m a hands-on, figure it out as I go, bite off more than I can chew kind of guy who sees patterns and connections most people don’t see or care about. I’m bored by much of life, at the same time overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, and ideas that I amass from the world around me.

I’ve learned to trust my myself, interpret my feelings, and organize my thoughts and ideas with a lot of practice.

I test my hypothesis in aways that don’t put much at risk. I accept that my results aren’t going to be 100% what I envisioned or intended and that is okay. I learn from it, refine it, and try again.

Coming up short and trying again is what will give all of us the skills, insights, and repetitions we need to learn to trust ourselves. This process is what allows us to learn any physical skill, hitting a ball, ride a skateboard, painting, or polka dancing. It’s also the process that allows us to learn to trust our feelings, thoughts, and ideas.

If you are struggle to trust yourself and getting push back from the world around you, that’s okay. Test your feelings and ideas in a way that gives you tangible results you can learn from and show others what you see or are experiencing.

If you parent, teach, or coach a child that sees or interacts with the world differently than you do, don’t try to make them see or do it your way. LET THEM TRY AND LET THEM FAIL. If they fail, help them learn from it. If they succeed, let them know they were right.

It’s not a one time thing, “You build up to it.”

Cheers,
Hank

The eBook is on day 3 of 5 for the .99 countdown sale.
tinyurl.com/Joby99Sale

10/27/2021

“I don’t see your brain as being broken. I see your brain as a high-end sports car with a funky transmission no one has taught you how to shift.
Dude! You’ve got a Bugatti brain, and no one has shown you how to drive it!” - Coach Reid / Joby: Hidden Strengths

I spent the first 27 years of my life grinding between 1st and 3rd gear, thinking that was the best my brain had to give. Then after college, (yes I was 27 when I graduated from college, a seven-year journey after going into the army when I was 17.) So after college, I had some testing done that identified the strengths and weaknesses of my brain and learned that I had three or four more gears that I had never tapped into.

One of my hopes of sharing Joby with the world is that young people labeled with ADHD or any other neurodiverse term used to describe how they take in information, process it, and interact with the world will know two things:
1) They are not alone.
2) That they will find their hidden strengths and how to use them much earlier in life than I did.

Cheers,
Hank

The eBook is on day 2 of 5 for the .99 countdown sale.
tinyurl.com/Joby99Sale

10/26/2021

“The world laughed around him; not at him, but without him. Wedged against the window of the city bus, wearing a frayed green hoodie, Joby peered behind mirrored sunglasses at his midterm grades: two Ds, a C, and a C-, GPA 1.39. Sh*t!” - Joby: Hidden Strengths

I wrote the opening sentence for the first time in a notebook in the fall of 1992. I shared it with some folks then, others when I used it to start different projects and brainstorms. Today, I send it into the world with the official release of Joby: Hidden Strengths.

The eBook is on a countdown sale for .99 for the next few days.
tinyurl.com/Joby99Sale

A paperback version is also available.

Cheers,
Hank

09/29/2021

One of the goals in writing Joby: Hidden Strengths was to present a reframing of ADHD. A second was to pass along a few of the tools I have used to better manage the experience of ADHD in my life.

The excerpt found here and at the link below, is a scene where Coach Reid explores the nature of ADHD. It is not meant to be an academic or scientific treatise on the subject, but rather a thought experiment that broadens the possibilities of solutions.

Joby’s Toolbox found at the end of the excerpt is an overview of the tools Joby learns to use in the course of his journey to focus and organize the stream of thoughts that rush through his head, as well as master negative self-talk, down regulate anxiety, and put insomnia to bed.

I hope you find the excerpt thought provoking and the additional resources helpful.

Cheers,
Hank
Download - https://hankdegroat.com/joby-what-if/

PS - I can’t believe we are 2 weeks from release!

09/21/2021

I’m happy to announce the release date for my next book, Joby: Hidden Strengths is three weeks away!

It started off as a creative writing assignment, turned into a book that split into two, that is now a series.

What’s it about Hank!

In short, it's the inspiring story of an everyday hero whose undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia send him on a profound journey of self-discovery as he searches for love, endures betrayal, and redefines what it means to believe and belong.
Navigating a world bound by tradition, controlled by negative self-talk and fear, Joby’s journey is one of healing and growing confidence as gains the tools he needs and finds his hidden strengths!
If you’re interested in learning more visit, https://hankdegroat.com/joby/
Cheers,
Hank DeGroat

05/10/2021

06/24/2020

How we frame a set of variables determines the potential answers.

(1 + 2) x 3 = 9
1 + (2 x 3) = 7

The label ADHD frames a set of behaviors with “Deficit” and “Disorder”, but is that the proper framing for the behaviors in question?

What if ADHD is the state of an intelligent person stuck doing a task with no emotional attachment or mental stimulation, in an unsuitable environment?

Is being bored a deficit? Instead of Attention Deficit, what if we framed it “Acutely Bored”, how would that change the expectations of a situation?

Border Collies are described as tenacious, intelligent, energetic, responsive, keen, & alert, all excellent attributes for a herding dog. A Greyhound is described as an affectionate, quiet, even-tempered, & gentle dog that not surprisingly are great apartment dogs.

Can you imagine putting a Border Collie in a New York City apartment? Hyperactivity Disorder label coming for sure right.

But if you were a farmer in Upstate New York needing help to bring the cows, would you rather have a Border Collie or a Greyhound? Seems to me the Greyhound might be labeled with Underativity or Bovinophobia Disorder if put on a farm.

Instead of trying to fix a “defect”, why not focus on finding the emotional connection and mental stimulation needed to engage a bored mind?

How would acknowledging that behaviors can be environmental specific change the way we try to “correct” a situation? Instead of Hyperactivity Disorder, what if we framed it Concurrent Displacement?
If an environment isn’t working why fight it? Why not focus on finding a suitable environment or a new task?

I’m not saying changing labels is a “fix”, just a thought.

I’m not saying that those of us who find ourselves Acutely Bored with Concurrent Displacement (ABCD) can’t and don’t need to broaden our skill-set to better adapt to the environments we find ourselves in.

I’m not saying that our super powers can’t be our own worst enemies at times, but if you’re struggling with an ADHD labeling, try an ABCD label for a while and see if it’s a better fit.

Be Strong
Be You
Always Keep Growing

Find your ADHD Magic
Hank

05/27/2020

How you frame a picture will determine where your focus is placed. Change the framing, change the focus. Change the focus, change the experience.

Try it for yourself.

Take a favorite picture, copy it, then crop it very differently than the original. How does the new frame change your experience of looking at the picture? What happens when you put them side by side? Which one frames the picture correctly?

The answer is, neither. The purpose of a frame is to create a focal point, not showcase a full reality. The picture itself is a frame.
We have similar control with our emotional states. How we frame a situation past, present, or future will determine how we experience it. Change the frame, change the focus. Change the focus, change the experience.

Sometimes we forget we have this editorial power over our experiences and get stuck viewing life through one particular framing of ourselves, others, and life.

A dynamic event gets captured in a frame, then dies in a limiting definition of ourselves, others, and life. If these limits are holding you back mentally, physically, or emotionally, remember:

The events in your life may frame it.
But they don’t have to define it.