03/15/2022
I wrote this post last year as we were gearing up for State Qualifiers. Fast forward to this year - it is now Keystone States Week! Every word still relevant within this sport. Parents - I urge you to keep yourselves in check this weekend. These kids put so much pressure on themselves, don’t be the parent they can only celebrate to, be the parent they can bury their head in a hug from you if they lose too.
A great friend of ours always talked about these three words: Permission to Fail. And he is a great example of allowing his son to win and lose without “consequence”.
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Permission to fail.
It’s state qualifiers week which means lots of emotions for wrestlers and parents alike. There has been a lot of time, hard work, sweat, blood and tears leading up to this week of qualifiers and States in 2 weeks. You can see the focus and the shift in attitudes as these little guys prepare for the toughest youth tournament that has been on their minds since it was taken away last year due to Covid. You hear the chatter throughout the room and tournaments about brackets and weights and who is going where and you see the parents getting amped up - sometimes even more than the kids.
I hope when the time comes and the matches are over - we keep those 3 words in mind. Permission to fail. How are you sending your wrestler into qualifiers this week? What are they walking off of the mat to if it’s not their hand being raised at the end? What if all the hard work they’ve put in doesn’t get them to the next week? Have you given them permission to fail? No one likes to fail - but it’s inevitable in this sport at some point. 2 people walk onto the mat every time and only 1 comes off the winner. Have they let you down? Are you screaming at them or even worse walking away and leaving them with no one to walk off to?
We’ve all seen it. We all know it’s the worst part about this sport - the parents. The ones who take it personally when their kid loses. The ones you see physically putting their hands on their elementary school kids because they lost a match. The ones screaming and insulting their little ones over a wrestling match who they themselves probably never accomplished anything in the sport or even know what it takes to wrestle at all.
When we talk about elite college and Olympic wrestlers I hear so many parents say “how do you get your kid to be that good?” but yet they don’t listen to what the parents of these said wrestlers say. That it is THEIR sport and THEIR wins and THEIR loses. That it needs to be fun and you need to let their coaches coach them. That college recruiters don’t care about youth success as fun as it is. Parents over complicate things and by doing it ruin the sport for their kids year after year. The tantrums, the outbursts, the unsportsmanlike conduct so many of the times they’ve learned from your actions. Because they are not allowed to fail.
Trust the process. Are you tired of hearing it? If so - it may not be the sport for you. These wrestlers will have many ups and downs and unforeseen obstacles in this journey. It’s our job to let them walk, run, crawl, struggle, succeed through this journey of THEIRS. To support them when they are in those lows and celebrate when that hard work is paying off. It’s our job to let it be their sport. And there is no greater time than these weeks coming up to demonstrate that we are more proud of the work they have put in rather than the outcome of it. We need not only trust the process but respect the process and the fact that it is not ours.
These upcoming weeks will hold so many highs for so many hard working kids and I can’t wait to celebrate them. They deserve it - they’ve earned it. But with one persons success means the other side has failed to reach their goal - do they have your permission to do so? Will they come off to a hug or to a disapproving parent? These little warriors - they feel so much in this sport. I hope to see more pride regardless of the outcomes this weekend knowing how much work your wrestler put into this season and tournament. I hope we start listening to those who warn us of the real burn out - the parent burn out.
Good luck to all wrestlers this weekend. We’ve seen the time and work you’ve been putting in. We saw you in the room over summer. We saw your heart break as States were canceled last year and then we saw you overcome this crazy year determined to make your way again. We are proud of you and we applaud and are in awe of your resilience despite the obstacles thrown your way. Go out there and let it fly - IT’S ON YOU!!
📸: picture of two of our wrestlers last year after one had just lost his match in the blood round. The bond, the brotherhood, the support. They get it. Let’s learn from them!
