06/27/2022
Time for an honest post.
I think it's important for me to start being more transparent on my page and show more of who I am as a person.
And part of who I am, is someone dealing with a chronic neurological disorder. Even though I often mention my narcolepsy, or share a quick anecdote, I hide the parts that scare me and that I'm ashamed of.
My most frequent symptom is automatic behaviors. This is when I look awake, I'm performing a task as if I am awake, but I'm actually in a state between being awake and being asleep.
It might not sound very serious but its actually really dangerous. It can be something as simple as scrolling on social media but more often than not, it occurs when I'm cooking, driving, doing dishes, sometimes it even happen when I'm teaching. While performing tasks in this state I have burned myself, I've collapsed and hit my head, I've tripped down the stairs, etc.
I've come to terms with the fact that i can't keep up with everyone anymore. I need to take care of myself and my health because I can't help anyone when I'm sleeping or sick due to pushing myself too hard.
This means I've been very absent from a lot of people's lives lately. It means I've let down a lot of people and it means a lot of people are either hurt, confused, or annoyed at my change in behavior. For that, I am sorry but I will no longer allow others to make me feel guilty for doing what I KNOW is best for me and my body.
I've censored myself for years for fear of disappointing others or making them feel uncomfortable but all I've done is disappoint myself and make myself uncomfortable. I've lost many friendships already and I'm sure I'll lose more but it's time I surround myself with friends who genuinely care for me and not just "friends" who come around when I'm beneficial to them.
So here's to embracing who I am. The good, bad, and ugly. For every happy picture of me that I post on here, there's a thousand moments of fatigue and disappointment. Scroll for a couple pictures that make me cringe but also show who I am a lot of the time.
Happy Monday and thanks for reading this far ❤️