In October 2006 the life that I knew was cut short by a heart attack that caused almost half my heart to die. In January 2009, I had another one--a day after spending ten days in the hospital. Two stress heart attacks at the age of 41 and 44, a stent, a pace maker, a defibrillator and then being told over and over again, “This is your new life, deal with it”
My first year I was in the hospital ov
er 38 times, the following year about 20. It got to the point I stopped telling my family and friends when I was in the hospital. All of the doctors, nurses and workers knew both myself and my son on a first name basis. Well, my new life was filled with fear. Because I was now on blood thinners, I was finding bruises and wondering why or how they got there. I was afraid to walk down the stairs because I would fall and hurt myself; afraid to use a knife – because I did not want to cut myself. I began to shut down, began feeling sorry for myself and the depression (which I hid) was overwhelming me. I became a shut-in, only going out when I had to, mainly for Doctor’s appointments and shopping for groceries. Fear caused me to be afraid of everything in my life; fear caused me to stop living my life. Before I knew it, I weighed 238 pounds and waddled around everywhere. I lived in sweat shirts and big shirts, thinking if no one saw how bad I looked I was safe. My bad heart was not killing me, my attitude and those telling me I could not do anything with the rest of my life were killing me. Inside I was dying. I was spiraling out of control and it is a good thing that I didn’t drink (anymore), because I could have easily started to self-destruct with booze. Thank God for my sensitive gag reflex and thank God for my son. Because of my son, I knew I had to do something. This was not right; a child should not have to see his mother like this. It didn’t help when a neighbor called me fat, once I stopped helping her sorry arse either – but that was ENOUGH. One early morning, when I was up at 4:30am watching television I saw a Shaun T infomercial for Rockin’ Body and I ordered it. Now keep in mind, I had a whole shelf of B***y Ballet that I had never even opened, which I purchased in 2002 and 2003. But this was different, because I was given a Coach named Waleed Bashir, a compassionate person to help me achieve my goals, someone to stand by my side as I began this journey to take back my life. I did not have to be afraid anymore. I did not have to think of excuses of why I couldn’t. I just had to try and to conquer my fear. That was where it all started, when I began to realize that I could do this, I could get healthy, I could exercise, I could become the person who I was before my heart attacks--only better. I decided that I wanted it, and I wanted it more than I was afraid of it. I could achieve it, no doubts, no more worries about having a third heart attack while working out, no self-sabotage, no one telling me I couldn’t. I would just do it and not allow anything else to get in my way. So here I am, at a weight that I have not been near in OVER 17 years. I am healthier, calmer and happier than I was before 2006. So will I ever run a mile in nine minutes again? The Doctor tells me that will not happen, but there are so many other things I can still do that I enjoy, like helping others...
Sometimes you only look at the door closed, then the Lord has to nudge you in order for you to see that the window has been opened. I am blessed and honored to be given this new journey, to have my health be my testimony to others who are trying to become healthier. When you are affected by something that has helped you, you must take action and help others and that is my plan, to inspire and help others achieve a better lifestyle. Be well,
Annie
http://www.Teambeachbody.com/DancesWithRain/
