05/04/2026
Slowly improving, slowly building toward new combos. Soon we’ll get cleaner, higher, and softer. I’ve been avoiding posting as much on this new journey as an Icarian flyer - on a personal level, with me as the limiting factor and no shade whatsoever to my incredibly talented base, I can’t help but feel that it’s not as impressive as watching the product of the years and years of practice and experience and familiarity that I have when posting as a base. And maybe seeing a female base is a lot more exciting than seeing a flyer almost the size of their base. Zach and I don’t do many big flashy skills together. Our partnership is endlessly looking for precision in the foundations. Improving is frustrating, and the little achievements seem small from the outside and sometimes take so much work, and if we let it, it can feel limiting rather than expansive. But I haven’t been giving enough space lately to be proud of myself, and proud of Zach, and further, enough space for gratitude. I think I decided somewhere long the line that being proud is corny, and we should already be at a certain level, or already have some of these skills cleaner and more consistent, and I like to use Instagram as a ruler to measure myself with, fall short of and self-flagellate. As it turns out, that leads to sustained mild depression and anxiety. So I’m going to try to post a little more consistently about the journey and the process and try to appreciate these little things more. I am grateful to have the privilege to be challenged physically and mentally, and to have the honor to work through it with someone I love and trust deeply. I am also so grateful that Zach constantly reminds me of how challenging some of these skills really are, and how far we’ve come so far, and how far we’ll go. It is scary to love something so much, and it is courageous and radical to do so anyway.
Also, if the white tag on my new Alo hoodie is bothering you watching this, know that it also bothers me. 😆
