Amanda Louder Coaching

Amanda Louder Coaching I coach conservative Christians how to overcome obstacles and create a more intimate marriage.

You say it fast, sometimes before you've thought about it. Someone offers to bring dinner, or take the kids for an after...
09/13/2026

You say it fast, sometimes before you've thought about it. Someone offers to bring dinner, or take the kids for an afternoon, and the "no" is already out.

That habit rarely stays where it started. The same reflex that turns down a meal can turn down your husband's hands.

A lot of us were taught from a young age to be selfless. To serve. To give. There's real beauty in that. Somewhere along the way a companion message may have come with it, that receiving is the opposite of selfless. That wanting something for yourself is indulgent.

So he slows down, he wants to focus entirely on you, and you redirect. You steer it back toward him. It can look like generosity from the outside. It may also be the only way you know to stay in charge of something that asks you to let go.

He often reads that as being about him.

If any of this sounds familiar, start somewhere small. Let one person do one thing for you this week without redirecting or giving something back. Notice what comes up in your body, because it tends to be the same thing that comes up in bed.

Comment "438" and I'll send you the episode. It's the S*x for Saints podcast, on any podcast app or on YouTube.

I hear the same question from women in both patterns. Isn't giving the good thing?Generosity is good. Giving may also be...
09/12/2026

I hear the same question from women in both patterns. Isn't giving the good thing?

Generosity is good. Giving may also be the safest place to stand, because you're the one directing what happens.

More effort doesn't get you out of it. What tends to help is noticing what the control has been protecting you from, and then staying a little longer than is comfortable.

Which one sounds more like you?

Comment "438" and I'll send you the episode. It's the S*x for Saints podcast, on any podcast app or on YouTube.

09/11/2026

A husband slows down and turns his attention to his wife. And she can't quite let him.

She redirects. She rushes past it. She keeps steering back toward what she can do for him.

When I talk to these women, they almost always look at me a little puzzled. Isn't that the good thing? Shouldn't I want to give?

Generosity is good. And when receiving feels impossible, there's usually something underneath it worth paying attention to.

It tends to show up in two very different ways. Some women check out. Some take over. From the outside those look nothing alike, and underneath they may be doing the same job.

He often feels it even when he can't name it. One husband described it to me as reaching for her hand and having her pull away before their fingers could touch. He wasn't being rejected. Neither of them could see that at the time.

This week's episode is about why receiving can be so much harder than giving, and what tends to change it.

Comment "438" and I'll send you the link. It's the S*x for Saints podcast, and you can find it on any podcast app or on YouTube.

marriagepodcast ldsmarriage

The most common reason people give me for not starting is that their spouse won’t come.I understand it. It’s hard to wor...
09/10/2026

The most common reason people give me for not starting is that their spouse won’t come.

I understand it. It’s hard to work on something you built together while one of you is standing outside of it.

A marriage is a system, though, and systems respond when one part of them changes. When you stop doing the thing you’ve always done, the pattern has to reorganize around it. I’ve watched that shift things more times than I can count.

Waiting for them to be ready is still a decision you’re making about your own life.

And while it’s usually better to work as a couple, individual work can help you change the system just by changing your part.

Comment Individual and I’ll send you the details on individual coaching.

And if you’re not there yet, the S*x for Saints podcast is free and it’s on any podcast app or YouTube. Start there.

This is the pattern that tells me the most.Not because wanting to be right makes someone a bad spouse. It usually means ...
09/09/2026

This is the pattern that tells me the most.

Not because wanting to be right makes someone a bad spouse. It usually means they’ve spent years feeling unheard, and being right is what’s left.

The trouble is that understanding your spouse and being proven right about them are two different conversations.

Before the next hard one, what do you actually want to walk away with?

Comment "437" and I’ll send you the episode. It’s the S*x for Saints podcast, on any podcast app or on YouTube.

09/08/2026

Every marriage has hard stretches. What tells me where one is headed is how fast the two people come back together afterward.

Repair speed is one of the few things in a marriage you can get better at on purpose. It also doesn’t take both people starting at the same time. One person changing how they come back changes what the other one is coming back to.

That’s what I’m paying attention to at my house right now.

If you want somewhere to start, my free Podcast Guide points you toward the S*x for Saints episodes that fit what you’re carrying right now.

Comment "Guide" and I’ll send it to you.

"Not tonight" lands like a door closing."Not tonight, but I’d love to cuddle" lands like a door left open.Same no. Compl...
09/07/2026

"Not tonight" lands like a door closing.

"Not tonight, but I’d love to cuddle" lands like a door left open.

Same no. Completely different message.

If you’re the one saying no often, your spouse probably isn’t only hearing no to what you were asked. It sounds like they may be hearing no to them. Attaching a yes to something else tells them the difference, and it costs you nothing.

And if you’re the one hearing no often, you’re allowed to ask for that instead of guessing. Say what you actually want. "I can hear that tonight isn’t it. Can we cuddle anyway."

I made a free download with 16 ways to say no that leave the door open, so you have the words when you need them.

Comment "16 ways" and I’ll send it to you.

09/06/2026

Some people can do this easily, even when they’re angry. "I appreciate that he keeps trying even though he’s frustrated."

Some can’t. One woman sat with that question for almost a full minute. Then she said, "I don’t know. I used to. I can’t find it right now."

That isn’t evidence she stopped loving him. It sounds more like years of disappointment had worn down her ability to see him clearly. When you’ve been let down in the same place enough times, your attention starts protecting you by watching for the next one.

So if the question was hard just now, you’re not broken and your marriage isn’t over. It may be worth asking what your attention has been trained to look for, and whether you want to keep training it that way.

Comment 437 and I’ll send you the episode. It’s the S*x for Saints podcast, on any podcast app or on YouTube.

These six aren’t a test you pass or fail.They’re a way to see what might be running underneath the thing you and your sp...
09/05/2026

These six aren’t a test you pass or fail.

They’re a way to see what might be running underneath the thing you and your spouse keep getting stuck on.

Most couples I work with have at least one. They don’t have to continue. With willingness from both partners and understanding why they developed in the first place, they can be changed.

Which one felt familiar in your marriage? I’d like to know.

Comment 437 and I’ll send you the episode. It’s the S*x for Saints podcast, on any podcast app or on YouTube.

09/04/2026

I’ve spent thousands of hours on Zoom with couples.

By the second or third conversation, I can usually tell which patterns are getting in the way. Not whether a marriage is doomed. Which patterns are in the way.

A couple can come in carrying something enormous and have everything they need to rebuild. Another comes in with what looks small from the outside, and there’s something underneath it that needs attention first.

This week’s episode walks through six of those patterns. Not as a test you pass or fail. As a way to see what might be running underneath the thing you keep getting stuck on.

Comment 437 and I’ll send you the link. It’s the S*x for Saints podcast, and you can find it on any podcast app or on YouTube.

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