Booze-A-Palooza Golf Tournament

02/09/2025

Turn Back Clock
OnHell Takes Friendly In Stunner

Sixty-seven year old former 4-time champion OnHell – who won his first Booze-A-Palooza decades ago -- turned back the clock Saturday with a win in an International Friendly at Forest Lake CC.

The aging and overweight OnHell recorded an eagle on the short 450-yard Par 5 10th hole and then limped home for a 16-hole, 14-over score of 77 to defeat former champion Bedrock (78) and Commissioner Wolverine (85) in a match shortened to 16 holes due to darkness. Former 3-time Professional Winner Con-Yea was in typical form with a five-over 68 – that included three birdies.

“Some say it shouldn’t count because we didn’t finish or that he wins on a technicality. I was closing on him by making up five shots over the final four holes we got to play, but the fact remains we all played the same number of holes so I will concede he won,” Bedrock said.

“For several reasons, the eagle will go down in lore as one of the greatest shots in BAP’s long and storied history,” Wolverine noted. “And yes – for the record -- we kept a close eye on him to make sure he wasn’t doing the hidden ball in the hand trick as he reached into the hole. Although it was a short par 5, what made it remarkable is he smothered his drive left behind a tree and had to punch out to the middle of the fairway and as still about 175 yards out. No one was paying attention but he claimed to have striped his third shot….when we got to the green, the damn ball was in the hole.”

“He excitedly came back to the cart and asked if I had saw the shot,” Con-Yea said. “I didn’t want to tell him that I purposely never try to watch his ugly swing because I don’t want to pick up bad habits. It was an elevated green anyways so he couldn’t really where it finished. When we get to the green there was a ball on the back fringe behind the hole and I thought it was the old man’s but it turned out to be Wolverine’s. Two things – that shot was probably more impressive than any of his six Hole-In-Ones that came from an average of 125 yards and more importantly, I impressively reach the green in two, have a two putt tap-in for a spectacular birdie but end up outright losing the hole to that hack. Just didn’t seem fair.”

Although the eagle gave OnHell a six-shot cushion over Bedrock with nine to play, the match was probably decided on the front side, where OnHell shot seven-over 42 to build a four-shot lead. Wolverine took himself out of contention early, taking a seven on the Par 4, 5th and following it up later with a four-over 9 in the Par 5 8th.

“It might have been a different story but the fat f**k wasn't so magical around and on the green on the front side,” Wolverine noted. “His typical hole was hit an ugly drive, come up 100 yards short on his second, fail to hit the green on three, and then come up 12 feet short of the hole on a chip and but then somehow drill the putt in for bogey or else just he would just hit the ball all over the place on his first three shots and then somehow hit a chip to three feet and again save a bogey.”

Despite the big lead, Bedrock began chipping away after OnHell’s eagle.

In his first competitive BAP round in eight years and his first round of any kind in 16 months, the BAP Champion at Myrtle Beach picked up two shots when OnHell triple bogeyed the Par 5, 15th and picked up two more with and impressive par on the Par 3 12th. He closed to within one shot with another par on the 16th, but when competitors could not locate their second shots on the 17th, the match was called because of darkness.

“Definitely a combination of PEF (post eagle f**kup) and the the alcohol getting to me,” OnHell noted. “If we had finished, I pretty sure Bedrock would have won. It was gracious for him to concede the win, but again, I played final six holes in 9 over after the miracle shot, so I have no illusions what if we had played the final two holes he would have caught and passed me.”

“Not finishing was a disappointment. We teed off at 1:45 and there should have been plenty of daylight to finish,” Wolverine noted. “Five hours in and we’re only on 16 and while many would think our bad play was responsible for the long round, the fact is we were waiting to hit off every tee because of the slow play of the groups in front of us. Still it was a great s**t show.”

02/07/2025

The Return of Bedrock In Historic BAP Friendly.
Orlando, Fla. -- History will take place tomorrow at Forest Lake County Club when four long-standing members participate in a BAP International Friendly at the historic Forest Lake Country Club on Saturday afternoon.

The event will feature the legendary but rapidly-aging 4-time champion OnHell, three-time professional division champion Con-Yea and the Commissioner and Founding Father Wolverine.

Although that line-up alone was enough to get the golf-world buzzing, Commissioner Wolverine made a shocking announcement this week when he said former BAP Champion and the group's Director of Transportation Bedrock would round out the four-ball match.

"To say I am stunned is the understatement of all time,"OnHell said. "I thought I had potential BAP Rookie "Baduck" Baumann lined up but he got called out of town. I told the Commish to look for a fourth and he stuns us all with the Bedrock announcement

"My first reaction was disbelief but then I realized it was not April 1 and the Commish was serious. My second thought was pure concern. Bedrock, the poor bastard, has not been allowed to play golf in five years, so I was worried his wife Wilma threw him out of the house or his lucrative tool shed business when bankrupt and finally freed up a weekend for him"

"When Badluck backed out, OnHell called me and suggested I call Bedrock," Wolverine said. "My first reaction was like, yeah that guy is going to pick up. Of course he didn't so I left a message and thought I was being pranked when the call was actually returned. To have a former champion and our director of transportation back is going to make this a special occasion."

Saturday's foursome represents BAP Royalty, as OnHell won the first four BAP tournaments, taking back-to-back titles in Orlando before making it four in a row by winning the first two at the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Bedrock won the sixth edition Tournament at Myrtle Beach and Con-Yea began his career by stealing and drinking cocktails off the table at the Champions Dinner as a 14-year-old, but was sent to the professional division when he turned BAP Pro at age 20 after a stellar high school career where he was all-conference twice and was his team's MVP three years running.

Wolverine retains the title as the best player to never win the event.

The quality of golf Saturday is not expected to be great, as OnHell is damn near 70 and has had two knee replacements, a heart bypass and is currently battling two arthritic hips and bad back. The Commissioner has had his own well-documented health issues and even the young Con-Yea has given up golf on a regular basis because of his somewhat weird pickleball obsession. Add in Bedrock's lack of competitive golf (rumor has it he is still looking for his golf bag in the deep recesses of his garage), and it is painfully obvious that none of the three previous Puffy contenders are expected to break 110 on Saturday -- especially because the Friendly will be contested under BAP rules of four cocktails minimum per nine holes.

"It could be an ugly day, especially for groups who will be following and playing behind our s**t show," Commissioner Wolverine noted. "At least if we do have three scores in the 100s (I know that young prick Con-Year will still find away to shoot 79 and then bitch about it) it will remind us all of Day 3 BAP scores."

"I continue to hurt, so I am planning on taking a bottle of Advil to the course, as well as two, 10-packs of Fireball shots," OnHell concluded.

On a special note, the Commissioner is urging all participants to dig out some BAP Retro Clothing for the event.

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10/18/2023

The entire BAP community wishes our brother in arms Moose the best of luck as the Rock looks to remain undefeated this week in a huge game against Cal (Pa.)... #7 Rock (7-0) hosts number 22 Vulcans (5-1) winner inside track to conference championship game....

08/04/2023

Congratulations to BAP legend, Angel Cabrera, for his official release from prison today! How about next time we keep our hands off of women, ok as***le?

02/26/2023

Huge thanks to Joel Glass, enjoying a little bit of Magic tonight with my boy Ryan.

12/31/2022

Heart warming story 4x champion onhell was contacted by make-a-wish apparently young Nick's wish was to play golf with the BAP legend. Although he had a lot of things on his plate the gruff old champion agreed to meet the young man...play a few holes with him and play poorly enough to tie the young man 104-104 to give him a taste of what BAP conditions are like on the tour. After the match the group drank heavily and the champ allowed young Nicky to shot gun a beer

12/18/2022

The Argentinaian government announced today that OnHell would be granted a four hour furlough from prison so he could watch Messi today in world cup final....lawyers still applying for paperwork him to gain work release status for BAP '23

09/23/2022

Snob starter giving BAP boys s**t in Myrtle Beach a few years back. Actual audio went something...starter: And you as***les brought your own beer on the course. ME: No Sir we bought them from the cart girl. Starter: Funny she doesn't recall selling 754 cans of Natty Light today.

https://fb.watch/fJy0YCzyFT/

07/02/2022

It is with a heavy heart the Commissioner of Booze-A-Palooza along with the members of the planning committee officially announce the postponement of the 2022 edition, set to become the 15th consecutive in just 3 weeks from Kissimmee, FL. This was a consensus among the current commits of the event for reasons unforeseen previously. The event will return, likely bigger and better than ever sometime in 2016.

- Commissioner Wolverine

06/13/2022

BREAKING NEWS

CHARGES DROPPED, COMMISH
CLEARED FOR BAP PARTICIPATION

After the victim agreed to drop breaking and entering charges, Commissioner Wolverine has been cleared by the Committee on Player Standards and Behavior to participate in Booze-A-Palooza XV scheduled for next month in Florida.

It was first time the committee had considered suspending a sitting BAP Board of Directors member.

The trouble started on Saturday when Wolverine was attempting to attend the 65th Birthday and 39th Wedding Anniversary Party of legendary four-time champion OnHell at the stately Pearson Mansion in St. Cloud, Fla. Instead of knocking on the OnHell Residence at 1562 Alligator Street, Wolverine simply barged into the residence at 1568 Alligator Street.

“OnHell is a cool dude with a lot of diversity among his inner circle, but I did find it strange that I first thing I saw was six young black children, aged 4 to 6 years, playing with Barbie dolls on the floor. The next thing I saw was a man who I just thought was leaving the party but then I realized he had an angry-scared look on his face and he stopped in front of me and asked if I needed any help,” Wolverine said. “I told him not really but asked him where the damn beer cooler was. By his reaction, I knew something was amiss.”

After sheriff’s deputies arrived at the scene, the mess was eventually sorted out and the Commissioner was escorted two doors down to the correct party.

“We emailed and texted Wolverine the right address, so I am not sure how this could have happened,” a befuddled OnHell noted.

“Still not my fault, they had a happy birthday sign in their yard,” Wolverine responded. “But in retrospect I guess I should have realized it was the wrong house based on the Barney cutout on the sign and really should have figured the bounce house in the front yard was not OnHell’s form of entertainment.”

Although all charges were dropped, Wolverine will remain on BAP probation without sanctions for the remainder of the month.

06/09/2022

Would be totally remiss if we let another glorious 6/9 go by without wishing our winningest champion of all time, OnHell, a very happy birthday. Currently, OnHell is not in the field for BAP XV, despite the event taking place just minutes from his home. Let’s all encourage DP to give it one last ride come July, where he could directly impact being tied for Puffys in a head-to-head matchup with heated rival, the Wirey European!!

05/18/2022

🚨🚨🚨BAP XV: Is this thing on? Will commence July 21-25, 2022 in Kissimmee, Florida, one of the earliest host sites in tournament history. Information on how to join is at the end of the video!