05/18/2024
Chris's smile at our son, Colton is as I imagine him in heaven looking at Colton and McKenna today.
He wasn't American Sniper then. He was called "The Legend" by his teammates.
I used to wish I could know the future—what life would bring—so I could either be prepared for it or excited about it. In my wildest imagination, I could not have imagined the good or the bad that would come in the years following this picture. I do know; I was happy then. We all were. It was a gift and is still a gift. Life doesn't have the power to take away the beautiful, full moments we get to live.
As with many other things, the more I learn, the more I see the wisdom in God's divine plan. It is better not to know what is coming or ruminate about what might have been. We can't adequately prepare for what might be our future. We aren't the people today that we will be then.
God will allow more minor battles, triumphs, and exposures to prepare us as much as our flesh can tolerate for the things that lie ahead. Ruminating on the past is a fool's errand unless you have a productive reason. For me, the productive reasons would be therapy, joy, or grief. Nothing else is worth our time.
I don't want to know the good or the bad that's coming down the pike anymore. I have enough to enjoy and work on today—during these 24 hours.
Chris's smile reminds me that every act of love, every hug, and every experience where we build memories is worth it. They last even if the people don't physically remain. This day with Chris, where he took our kids to Sea World, living it up with face painting, hugs, laughs, and the mental energy every parent spends with toddlers at adventure parks, resulted in a smile like this.
We must smile like this in heaven when we know our loved ones will have battles, will learn and grow, and that all will be well even if they don't realize it yet. I imagine we smile because we know it's the blink of an eye before we hug them like this again.
If you are wondering if you should work or make memories tonight, make memories. Are you constantly exhausted, too tired to play the game, help someone else, carve out time to cuddle, or make more memories? What changes can you make so you can do the things that leave a smile like this on your face and theirs?
If you have a loved one in heaven, I hope you imagine their smile looking like Chris's. Not because they don't care about your battles or see your suffering, but because they know you will survive it all, one day at a time, one sunset to sunrise. They smile like this because they know things have a way of working out. They know what Jesus did, what it means, and that you have no imagination big enough to consider the beauty in front of those who accept His gift of life.
With love,
Taya
Chris and Taya Kyle
