Wawa United FC

06/07/2018

Wawa United (Hopcroft 55) 1 – 2 Jersey Devils FC (Devil 65, Domingo-Alsina (OG) 85)

Wawa United’s inaugural season ended in fitting fashion last Sunday, with a last-minute own goal from centre-back Jan “Busquets” Domingo Alsina to lose us our final game. Despite the drama of the loss, it was closely contested game.

After a string of tough results leading up to the match, Hopcroft (manager-captain-leader-legend) decided to dip into the loan market and sign former Wellington College 2nd XI captain Simon Soros. The English/Hungarian/American left-mid came with a better pedigree than Nala Dijkgraaf, and much was expected from him from our one fan in attendance, Taran Krishnan.

The match began with confrontation. A group of 10-year olds were playing on our pitch. Lacking the masculinity to break up the game on our pre-booked field, and watched by over 30 parents, we moved to the neighbouring pitch (Mill Pond Soccer Complex Field #5), which pot-holes aside, was be an appropriately devilish arena for our match against the Jersey Devils.

Wawa lined up with a hard Brexit 4-4-2.

Ramzie Fathy, on his return from his 6-month stint in Milan, took up the position between the sticks (goalkeeper). The back four was made up of Isaac Wolfe, Matthijs Dijkgraaf, Busquets, and the ever-reliable players’ player of the season Charlie Flynn, whilst Coby Goldberg, Jonny Hopcroft, Ben Clarke, and Simon Soros played in midfield. Tom Salama and Justin Hinson led the line.

The first-half was characterised by gale-force winds, s**t free-kick taking, Simon’s relentless inability to stay onside, and Justin’s missed one-on-ones.

Not much else happened, and we went into the half at 0-0.

The second-half was filled with the type of drama that our team is only normally used to when Gab plays. 10 minutes into the half, a beautiful play emerged. Ben Clarke played a beautiful ball out to Simon on the wing, who jinked his way past a defender, or two, or three? I can’t even remember, but boy did he jink. After playing the ball into Tom Salama on the edge of the box, there was only one outcome – a short pass that was almost, but not quite, cut-out by a sliding Devil, and then curled into the near post corner by Hopcroft. The finish had an eerie similarity to one of Theo Walcott’s goals in the Arsenal 7 – 3 Newcastle game in 2012 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzlUQcwaimw).

But there we were, 1 goal up in a game for the first time in 2018.

The entirely Portugese-speaking Jersey Devils were so fired up by the goal, it was as if Tom Salama had taken a bite out of each and every one of their textbooks. Their frustration soon took its toll, as one of their players actually got a yellow card for kicking the ball into bush out of frustration. For the record, this is absurd, the man got a yellow for kicking the ball away when 1-0 down in a Sunday League game. That is absurd.

Absurdity aside, the men of Wawa’s legs were tiring as we reached the 60-minute mark. Dan Sitbon-Taylor and Gabe Birman both didn’t wake up for the game, so we were left with fewer subs than Wawa at 6am post-Reunions (ironically the reason why they both probably didn’t make it).

Our small squad began to show after two key injuries in the second-half. Tom Salama was hacked down from behind as he ran through on goal, and was forced to limp up-front for the rest of the game, whilst Jonny had to leave the field for 10 minutes due to illness. It was in this period that the team conceded – a good goal from the Devils to be fair. Fortunately following the equaliser our team was back to 11 men, as Jonny returned to the field post-yak, full of the spirit of 2 men.

The final 20 minutes of the game were fairly end-to-end, with most of the play being in our end. A few chances did come our way, and the Devils keeper had to make a good stop from Hopcroft to prevent another feat of over-celebration from the captain. It’s also probably worth mentioning that Ramzie, our keeper, made about 8 class saves and was definitely our man of the match. In fact, he was so good, that it looked like no Jersey Devils player would be able to get the ball past him. Fortunately for them, they didn’t have to.

With the game drawing to a close, and for the first time this season, Jan displayed the technical brilliance to warrant his Busquets comparisons, by hitting a screaming hot volley from 15 yards out into our own net. Without a doubt, our best goal this season. He hit it so well.

With the game almost over, we hit a few more hopeful long balls into the box, but to no avail. The final whistle blew.

2-1 to the Devils.

As sad as it was to lose our final game in such a fashion, this was the most competitive game in months. The loss also solidified our 4th place position in the Garden State Soccer League B Division South, making us the second-worst team in (Southern) New Jersey. A lot to build upon, but a great inaugural season in which we exceeded most of our expectations!

Finally, although none of these were ever voted upon:

Player of the Season – Gabriel Montefalcone
Young Player of the Season – Daniel Sitbon-Taylor
Manager of the Season – Jonny Hopcroft
Goal of the Season – Gabriel Montefalcone (that screamer from 25 yards last season)
Moment of the Season – Gab scoring in the 94th Minute against the Holmdel Forza to win 5-4 (legitimately the best moment of my life)

Team of the season:

GK: Ramzie Fathy

RB: Daniel Sitbon-Taylor
CB: Jan Domingo Alsina
CB: Ben Clarke
LB: Charlie Flynn

RM: Jonny Hopcroft ©
CM: Tom Salama
CM: Matthijs Dijkgraaf
LM: Gabe Birman

ST: Gabriel Montefalcone
ST: Harry Lord

Goalscorers:

Gabriel Montefalcone (9)
Jonny Hopcroft (7)
Harry Lord (2)
Gabe Birman (1)
Isaac Wolfe (1)
Justin Hinson (1)
Matan Grinberg (1)

04/11/2018

I shed a little tear... ~ Andrea

11/18/2017

🔥❗️PRE-MATCHDAY❗️🔥
WAWA UNITED v JERSEY DEVILS FC
• New Player Debuts: Max Jerdee, Xerxes Libsch, Steven Sobel, Matthew Timo
• Reverse Fixture Result: W (4-3)
Who are you bringing to watch this firecracker of a match? Will the Italioné Falconé return to the ring? Will Tebeau get beat on the wing? Can Wawa find a decent keeper? Will the Jersey Devils summon Satan himself, and more importantly, is he registered? These questions and more to be answered tomorrow morning at 11.
Comment who you’re most excited to see hit the pitch tomorrow‼️ The 13th commenter will win two coveted VIP tickets to the next WAWA game.

11/17/2017

Now presenting your official Wawa United ‘17-‘18 officers:
- Matthijs “top of the social ladder” Dijkgraaf, Vice Captain
-Xerxes “JP Morgan” Libsch, Wawa Outreach Chair
-Matthew “🖕🏼” Timo, Initiations Chair
-Gabi “$$$” Swagel, Treasurer
-Jonny “I’m captain, I do whatever the f**k I want” Hopcroft, Captain/Dictator
-Coby “did Bridgeyear” Goldberg, Spring Break Chair
-Josh “jerks off to himself” Tebeau, Gear Chair
-Matan “f**kboi” Grinberg, Social Chair
-Tom “pee in my mouth” Salama, Freshman Outreach
Congratulations and

11/14/2017

Bulldogs Sporting Club Reserves 7 - 4 Wawa United FC

Homecoming:

1. A reunion of former students of a university, college, or high school
2. An instance of returning home

In some ways, Wawa United’s last weekend epitomized the definition of homecoming.

Saturday brought with it all the festivities that one could imagine a day dedicated to American football could provide: tailgates, vuvuzelas, and Gaby Joseph.

In a more real sense though, it only epitomized the first definition. After over two months, we finally had to have an away game.

Cue Frankie Fryer.

After driving for almost an hour, we reached Phillips Park – home to the mighty Bulldogs Sporting Club Reserves.

Woof.

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The game began in atypical Wawa fashion.

After setting up with two flat banks of 4 in homage to Remembrance Day, the Bulldogs fired in a half-volley after only a few minutes.

“F**k,” I said.

Things soon went from bad to worse.

“Oh no,” I said.

Despite the best managerial efforts of Papa Wolfe, there was to be no hand of G-d in this match, as Tommy Salami conceded a second goal after a weak wristed save from their striker.

Things soon got spicier than Yan Domingo Alsina's compliments to Camila. Enraged by everyone else’s sporting deficiencies, Gab took the ball on his own off the kick-off and f**king FIFA 16 glitched it all the way to the box to win a corner. Inspired by yet another example of how much of a one-man team we are, the boys began to put in the performance of their lives.

We were gegenpressing all over the shop, sticking out legs where legs shouldn’t normally be stuck out, and actually passing the ball on the ground for once. They do say 2-0 is the most dangerous scoreline in football... Quite frankly, I very much disagree, but we were playing well nonetheless.

After about 20 minutes we finally struck a breakthrough. Harry Lord spotted Andy Johnson incarnate (Jonny Hopcroft) making a darting run into the channel, and duly picked him out. Two touches later, a mediocre shot was making its way slowly towards the very well-guarded corner of the goal. Fortunately for me, most people assumed that this mediocre shot was actually a pass, and Gabriel “punched in the face by a Jersey Shore club bouncer” Birman was there to follow it up.

Two beautiful solo goals from Montefalcone later, and Wawa entered the half 3-2 up.

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"Zastanawiałem się, co sk*****yn przeklinał i widziałem, że to ty. Ja, k***a, uwielbiam to. Uwielbiam tę polską intensywność, tak jak uczy nas wódka ".

(“I was wondering what motherf**ker was swearing and I saw it was you. I f**king love that. Love that polish intensity, just like vodka teaches us.”)

- Genuine quote from the Polish referee to Josh Tebeau at half-time in reference to Josh celebrating the 3rd goal. Viva Sunday League.

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The second half in many ways mirrored the first. Except that this time both me and Ben were off the pitch, in the bathroom across the field, blissfully unaware of the damage our mid-match s**t was doing to our goal difference.

What happened next was so amazingly great that I don’t think my words, nor even Yan Domingo Alsina's poetry could truly do it justice.

After some beautiful interplay between Harry and Gabriele, the Italian slotted home to complete his hat-trick, and give us a seemingly unassailable 4-3 lead. Gab was delighted, and rightfully so. He was absolutely tearing them to shreds.

However, we weren’t the only ones to notice this.

After explicitly calling out that he “had number 8 next time,” some Bulldog took a large swipe at the back of his legs. (More like the Pitbulls Sporting Club Reserves – am I right!) lol

Now Gabriele Montefalcone is a dignified Italian man.

He didn’t writhe, nor did he call foul play. He didn't play-act, and he didn't brandish any imaginary cards. He got straight back on his feet.

You don't see that happen in modern football these days!

To be a tad more accurate, he then ran straight over to the culprit and swung two punches at his face, that Papa Wolfe would later concede to be “great punches - indicative of a man who's been in few fights before.”

Fortunately for Gab’s assailant, I managed to get between the two fighters fairly early and hold Gab back.

Unfortunately for the assailant, I misjudged how angry Gab was and soon let him go, only for him to run straight back for a second attempt at domestic battery.

Both players were sent off, but the vibe was worth it.

The match ended in fairly comical fashion. Jan slide tackled Josh Tebeau, Coby conceded 3 goals that I’m pretty sure were actually the same goal, and after chest controlling a ball to put me through with what I thought was a one-on-one, I panicked at the sight of the opposition goalkeeper slipping to the floor to leave an open net, and for some reason followed his lead.

The game finished 7-4, but given that no one reported Gab to the police, I think that we were the real winners.

Viva the Wa.

Man of the Match – Gab. Honourable mention to Matthew Merrigan.

10/24/2017

One day....

Three GSSL related individuals have been selected to be inducted in the New Jersey Soccer Association Hall of Fame for 2017. Antonio Michael “Tony” Meola is an American former soccer goalkeeper who represented the United States national team at the 1990, 1994, and 2002 World Cups, and from 1996 to 2...

10/19/2017

Unbeaten but still 2nd place... huge game against the Jersey Shore Cosmos this Sunday. Tag who you’ll be bringing!

10/16/2017

Wawa United FC 5 - 4 Holmdel Forza FC

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“I once cried because I had no shoes to play soccer, but one day, I met a man with no feet” –

Josh Tebeau

What a quote. The most amazing thing about this misappropriated Zidane phrase is that judging by today’s performance, the man with no feet would have been a better left-back than Josh!

Despite Josh displaying the footballing equivalent of Ben Clarke's shy bladder syndrome by bottling it in front of his on-looking parents in the crowd, Wawa United FC won today in the most dramatic of circumstances.

I currently have a harsh barometer set for dramatic footballing circumstances. After witnessing Denis Odoi score a 96th minute equaliser for Fulham against Preston North End, as well as the demise of the Sporting Pal Squad in the Intramural Semi-Finals this week, I didn’t think that I would ever see such footballing drama for quite some time.

How misguided I was.

The game began in classic Wawa fashion. Hustle, determination, heavy first touches. Fortunately, one such heavy touch found its way to me (Jonny Hopcroft) on the edge of the box. For that moment, I was Clint Dempsey. Not the Clint Dempsey who had a poor return loan spell at Fulham in 2015, no, no, no. It was the Clint Dempsey of 2010. Back in the Clint Dempsey days where the US actually qualified from the easiest World Cup Qualifying Group there is. The keeper in front of me – his name was Robert. Robert Green.

You can guess what happened next. No, I didn’t detect a heart deficiency which would keep me out of playing soccer for several months. I actually side footed it straight into the keeper’s open arms. Fortunately for me, Robert Green incarnate let the ball trickle between his wide-spread slutty legs. It took me a few seconds to start celebrating, mainly because the ball took a few seconds to actually get into the goal (still unsure why the keeper didn’t just turn and pick it up), but wahay! 1-0 up boys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxspfInbLV8

Unfortunately, as Clint Dempsey found out on that fateful June 2010 day, slim 1-0 needs are not easy to hang on to. There was no Steven Gerrard on the pitch, but there might as well have been, as within 10 minutes, they had pegged us back to 1-1.

A quick-fire double from the Wa though put us in a commanding position at half-time. The first of these goals was a beautiful finish into the top left corner from their own centre-back. Apparently the second was a beautiful curling outside-the-box finish from Isaac Wolfe, our very own Peter Crouch (you should see how tall the other Wolfe boys are!). Unfortunately, I wasn’t watching at the time, so I cannot verify this. Well done Isaac though!

The second-half began, and Ramzie Fathy's decision to not show up began to pay dividends for Holmdel Forza FC, as they exploited Tommy's deficiencies as a goalkeeper from set pieces. I’m pretty sure at least one of the two Forza goals which followed immediately after half-time was an own goal, but in essence, both of them were Ramzie’s own goals – f**k you for not showing up. Tommy Salama on the other hand, can hold his head high – be proud of those own goals Tom, they weren’t yours.

At this point, the game was more finely poised than Grace Ackerman in a ballet performance.

3-3. Time for heroes.

And boy do we have some heroes.

Gabriele Montefalcone took the ball and he ran like the athletic stallion that he is right to the byline. I was poised. I was so f**king poised. The ball was crossed hard into the 18-yard box, and like a true fox-in-the-box, I side footed the ball under the diving keeper with my left foot. I had finally justified my s**t first touch with what I boast to be my greatest footballing asset: “good movement.”

I thought that I’d scored the match winner, and wild scenes were the result. Limbs, specifically only mine, were everywhere. Glory Glory Wawa United.

Now, I’d rather not dwell too much on their third equaliser of the game. Not because it wasn’t a great goal. In fact, it was probably the best goal of the game – a beautiful drive from the edge of the box into Tommy’s far left corner. I’m gonna totally ignore this part of the game, because it wasn’t important. It was totally f**king irrelevant because of the last few minutes of the match.

Picture the scene. Gab and I are on yellow cards following a scuffle which followed a bad tackle on Gab. Matan Grinberg has a red face because he’s sweaty. Josh is still refusing to be substituted for Coby Goldberg. Ben Clarke, Matthijs and Gabriel are still putting in the performances of their lives. Tom Salama is content.

Now picture Yan “thinks he’s Sergio Busquets just because he’s part Catalan” Domingo Alsina receiving an aerial ball, and miscontrolling it so beautifully that he beats his marker in a way that looks almost intentional. Now imagine that same beautiful Catalan bastard playing an audacious 30 yards pass out to a completely open Hopcroft on the left wing.

Now pause. Take some time to think about what happens next. If you’re thinking hard enough, you should faintly hear the voice of Martin Tyler.

I am no longer Clint Dempsey. I am Mario Balotelli.

Martin Tyler is screaming. I’ve just played the ball in to Gab on the edge of the box like the peak s**thouse maverick Italian himself. Gab’s first touch is or****ic. He shouldn’t need to shoot, the ref should just blow up and give us the goal now as the result is so inevitable after a touch past the defender which left Gab with only the 250lb 35-year-old keeper to beat.

MONTEFALCOOOONEEEEEEEEEE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYMDkx1qHkk

Absolute scenes. It’s now 5-4, Gab’s shirt is off, and there’s a doggy pile by the corner flag.

In true Wawa United fashion, Gab is sent off a second yellow for over-celebration. We’ll miss him for the next game, but who the f**k cares – this is quite possibly the greatest moment in my and Charlie Flynn's lives.

As the final whistle blew, I sank to my knees in the knowledge that no Sunday morning will ever eclipse what happened on Mill Pond Soccer Complex Field 6 this weekend.

With the three points in the bag, and our unbeaten record intact, all I have to left to say is: f**k Mitch.

MOTM: Jonny Hopcroft © (shameless).

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N.B. In all seriousness though, a really big thanks to the Tebeau family for driving half our team to the game .
Also, in case you were wondering how our first two games went:

“Wawa United FC began their inaugural season in the Garden State Soccer League in fantastic form. After 6 months of hard work which sharply exposed how much free time Jonny Hopcroft (the captain/manager/chairman) actually had during the summer, the Wa opened its campaign a few weeks ago with a 3-3 draw against Bulldogs Sporting Club (Reserves).
Hopcroft tasted the fruits of his labour in the first 5 minutes as he scored a delicious, unintentional, chip, but sadly two gorgeous Montefalcone goals were not enough to prevent the inevitable Bulldogs fightback. But a point to start the season is not too shabby.
MOTM: Gab Montefalcone.

Our second game saw us play the Jersey Devils FC. In what was Harry Lord’s Wa debut, he showed the quality which saw him once play alongside Gary Speed’s son for the ISFA team. His two fine finishes complimented a Montefalcone and a Grinberg goal (sort-of, it just kinda hit him and deflected in) for us to win the match 4-3.
MOTM: Harry Lord”

This audio visual content is a property of Univision, I just posted it to share it with other people.Robert Green FAIl, robert green goal, robert green silly...