04/04/2017
My dear sweet community. I've been thinking a lot lately about the power of love. Not romantic love, not familial love, but true deep platonic love. The kind you feel so completely for a dear friend, and what a phenomenal gift that is! I'd like to share a personal story of the ways our bias' and preconceived notions can inhibit us from experiencing outstanding and fulfilling connections. Below you'll find a picture from this past weekend with one the most dear people in the world to me. She is far and away one of the great love's of my life, my true soulmate. I could not tell you how much she means to me. And yet, we almost lost out on our connection because of my internalized bias.
When I met Nic several years ago in our Psych 101 class, she was one of the most classically gorgeous women I had ever seen in real life. We often joke about our early interactions, about how genuinely she wanted to get to know me, how she tried to make conversations with me and I just refused to engage. In hindsight I can see how genuine and thoughtful this was, but at the time I could not get passed her blonde hair, and designer handbag. I thought I had her pinned, and of course there was no possible way we could have a damn thing in common.
The truth is that I let my own insecurities get in the way. Because I was not thin, because I was counter-culture, because I refused to let my guard down... and more specifically because I was so beat down by my own baggage, it seemed impossible that someone so seemingly different could have matching emotional luggage.
This past weekend Nic asked me to be her maid of honor, and my dear friends, let me tell you.... teenage me is having her mind boggled. As someone who spent much of their life feeling alienated (which it turns out is quite common), the idea that someone I view as so perfect would want me by her side, that she trusts and values me the way I do her, I'm not sure I have ever felt so validated. The truth is that validation doesn't come from s*x or body size or the price of your clothes, it isn't shallow, it isn't easy. When you work on yourself, when you learn to open your heart and let someone in, when you stick with something through all the highs and lows, it becomes meaningful.
Make of this what you will, dear community, but if I can offer one bit of reflection... you never know who is the matching puzzle piece to your rough edges. When you stop judging based on the superficial, your community will grow in ways you never dreamed possible... and it is MAGIC!
