08/02/2026
Angelina Luongo, Chronically Online Patient Zero, 978
Sorry about the long hiatus, I was trying to come up with nice things to say about Angie. Just playing. There are plenty of nice things to say about Angie, but her singing/dancing/stage presence leaves much to be desired, although you mole people seemed to be moved enough by her two-left-legged “dance” and her lobotomized rendition of “American Pie”, delivered flat as the rug that was pulled from under me, to vote for her performances instead of mine and win her team the ergathon. I will not soon forget. You know who you are. Incidentally, in addition to being a victim of treachery, I was also the social media manager, so I also know who you are.
Angie joined up her sophomore spring, climbing the ranks of a large women’s novice class quickly and taking a spot in our Women’s Novice Four, a tough act to follow from the gold-snatching group the year prior. They rose to the challenge and snagged silver instead, which was arguably more impressive given the champions that year were four Amazonian Warriors cosplaying as college students in Missouri. As varsity, she kept the momentum going, racing in the four and the pair. In her final season, the women’s and men’s team decided to make Knecht Cup special, taking double silvers in the big 8’s. Angie has been a big dog on the erg, taking boathouse leaderboard spots on both the 2k and 5k since she walked on.
At first glance, one would be right to assume on account of her faint scent of lobster and general coastal Masshole disposition that Angie’s all about sea life, earning a B.S. in Aquaculture and Fisheries Science and a Marine Technical Cert on the side, but she is not done digging a debt-shaped hole. She will be following that up with a masters in Environmental Science and Management, with a concentration on sustainable systems.
“I am thankful for all my amazing friends and all the memories made. We are all there to pull as hard as possible, even when it isn’t pretty when we do it, moments of wanting to not hop back on the erg, but doing so for the team and to get better. The team has taught me is that I am a vastly superior breakdancer than Ian.”