Expand Performance Coaching

05/13/2022

A few years ago, I started consciously playing around with a concept I call Emotional Pendulum Calibration (I’ll just refer to it as EPC in this post). I wasn’t sure if there was an actual name for it, so I made one up. It’s something I’ve experienced and practiced throughout my life. But I had never tried to articulate how it works, until now. It was just something I did, naturally, from a young age.

EPC is the practice of purposely going to extremes—think of a pendulum swinging back and forth—to elicit an emotional sensation that will help calibrate your physical and/or mental performance.

Let me give you an example.

Three years ago, I was coaching my son’s 11-year-old volleyball team. One of the boys was struggling to pass the ball. Every time he contacted the ball it would shoot off in the wrong direction.

I walked over and asked, “What do you think you’re doing wrong?” He shook his head and said, “I don’t know. I thought I was doing everything right.”

I decided to do an experiment. I said, “Instead of trying to make a good pass to the setter, I want you to shank the ball as far as you can to the left. And then I want you to shank the next ball as far as you can to the right. And then I want you to hit the ball to the ceiling.”

I should point out that “shanking” means to screw up. It doesn’t mean stabbing the ball with a homemade knife!

After he got over the disbelief that his coach wanted him to purposely screw up, he started shanking balls all over the gym.

After each shank, I asked him, “How did that feel?” He would say something like, “It felt bad” or “It didn’t feel right.” After each series of three or four balls, I asked him to try and pass the ball a little better. His post-pass responses went from, “It felt bad” and “It didn’t feel right” to “That felt good” and “That felt right.”

After a few minutes, he was passing dramatically better. It’s not that his form was bad (although it needed some work), he just wasn’t emotionally calibrated. He knew what a good pass LOOKED like. But he didn’t know what a good pass FELT like. He had never paid attention to the emotional feedback his body was giving him. Going to the extremes (i.e. shanking the ball in different directions), while mixing in some good passes, allowed him to feel the emotional contrast between a good pass and a bad pass. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on what we can see and not enough emphasis on what we can feel.

Let me give you another example.

When I was in middle school (over 30 years ago), I used to play basketball with my friends during recess. One time a friend said, “I bet you can’t kick a basketball across two courts and make a basket.” My initial thought was, “You’re right, I can’t do that.” But being super competitive, I couldn’t back down from a challenge.

I remember looking across the two courts and imagining myself trying to kick the ball into the basket. I visualized it several times, but it didn’t FEEL right. Even though this was all happening in my head, the ball wasn’t going in. I decided to kick the ball (again, in my head) way to the left, way to the right, way too high, way too low, etc. I visualized a bunch of different scenarios. Each kick created an emotional sensation. The farther away from the basket I kicked the ball, the stronger and more uncomfortable the sensations were. I calibrated my kicks until everything FELT right. And by “felt right,” I mean there was a calm, peaceful sensation that washed over me—a stillness.

I was finally able to both feel and visualize the ball going into the basket. And that’s when I kicked the ball.

I can still see it flying through the air, almost in slow motion—and then “SWOOSH,” the ball went into the basket. As soon as the ball left my foot, I knew it was going to go in. I wasn’t surprised.

My friend and a few curious bystanders started screaming, “No way! How’d you do that?!” I just shrugged and calmly said, “I don’t know.”

I’m not going to pretend that I’m capable of doing this every time someone challenges me to do something. It doesn’t work like that. This just happens to be one of my earliest memories of unintentionally using EPC.

I’ve played volleyball my whole life, so it’s easy to come up with volleyball-specific examples of EPC. But the concept can be used in every sport. A quarterback can use it to throw more accurate passes. A baseball player can use it to hit more home runs. A golfer can use it to make more accurate shots.

And it’s not limited to sports. I use EPC when I’m writing, brainstorming, meditating, etc.

Here’s a non-sports example…

If you’ve ever written anything, you’ve probably experienced writer's block—you sit down to write something and your mind goes blank.

When I started writing this post, I had writer's block. I knew I wanted to write about EPC, but I didn’t know what to say. I had never tried to put the concept into words. After a few minutes of feeling like an idiot, I decided to use EPC to write about EPC.

The first thing I wrote was:

“[EPC] is a pointless, stupid concept that no one should ever use. If you do, you’re a gas-guzzling cricket that worships frozen frog legs.”

I just put down whatever randomly popped into my mind, as long as it was negative (EPC works best the farther you initially swing the pendulum). I read the word salad out loud and immediately felt a sharp, uncomfortable sensation in my chest. My emotional calibration “engine” was basically telling me, “That doesn’t feel right” and “That’s not true.”

Next, I swung the pendulum to the other, more positive (and equally random) extreme and wrote:

“[EPC] is a beautiful, flowery, effervescent, photogenic, delightful, charming, jolly, lovable concept that everyone can effortlessly apply in their perfect, joyful lives.”

I felt the same sharp, uncomfortable sensation in my chest. It was an indication that I needed to swing back in the other direction.

After swinging the pendulum a few times, I finally wrote:

“[EPC] is the practice of purposely going to extremes—think of a pendulum swinging back and forth—to elicit an emotional sensation that will help calibrate your physical and/or mental performance.”

My definition of EPC materialized in a single, concise sentence. It took a few pendulum swings to get there, but it FELT right when I read it out loud. It was the same “calm, peaceful sensation” that I experienced in middle school (and many other times in my life).

The more you practice EPC (like anything else), the better and quicker you get at creating pendulum scenarios and recognizing and interpreting the emotional feedback.

I would imagine most people have used EPC at some point in their lives, even if they didn’t know they were using it. It’s basically emotional triangulation. For example, every time you play catch with a baseball, you’re performing a quick triangulation to calculate the trajectory and speed necessary to accurately throw the ball to the other person.

EPC is different in the sense that you’re not just mentally calculating and triangulating the trajectory and speed of the ball, but you’re also paying attention to the emotional signals and sensations that happen before, during, and after you throw the ball.

If you throw the ball too far to the left, you’ll feel something. If you throw it too far to the right, you’ll also feel something. And it won’t feel comfortable because the ball’s not going where you want it to go. A good throw will feel different. It will feel “right.” Will it be a “calm, peaceful sensation” like I typically experience? Not necessarily. What you feel is not as important as noticing the emotional contrast between good and bad outcomes.

Because the mind, body, and emotions are tightly interconnected, calibrating your emotions will also improve your mental and physical performance.

Give it a shot and let me know what you think in the comments. If you already consciously practice EPC, I'd love to hear about how you use it.

05/12/2022

Check out my latest Passion to Poison podcast episode with Will Schmidt.

Will is a Lifestyle Ocean Athlete. In 2014, he made a 1,386-mile unassisted stand-up paddle from Canada to Mexico. The legendary paddle has made him a pioneer in the world of endurance ocean sports. Despite his success and extreme desire to challenge himself, Will has struggled with debilitating depression. We’re excited to hear his story and learn how paddleboarding literally saved his life.

Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/ycar5sue
Google Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/y8874ybn
Spotify Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/yaxyw298

03/17/2022

Most people live a fear-based life. As a result, they hold themselves back from amazing experiences. The greatest joys in life usually come from taking periodic leaps of faith into the unknown.

As a coach, one of the things I like to help people with is overcoming their fears. If you live in fear and feel like you have too many mental and emotional barriers holding you back from a more fulfilling life, let's connect.

03/14/2022

10/06/2021

When I was around 12 years old, I went to a youth activity at my church. My mom dropped me off in the parking lot. I looked around and noticed that most of the kids were in a long line, on a nearby field, waiting to get a box lunch. I took my place at the back of the line and slowly made my way to the front. Someone handed me a brown box. Inside the box was a ham sandwich, a Capri Sun drink, a piece of fruit, and a Hostess Cupcake. Actually, it was probably a Hostess Ding D**g. Either way, I remember it being delicious.

I awkwardly looked around and didn’t see any of my friends. I was shy and didn’t have the courage to talk to anyone. I decided that the best thing to do is stand in one place and...well...that was the end of my plan.

A few seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Hours turned to days. Ok...that’s an exaggeration. But standing there DID feel like an eternity!

About 20 yards away (​​18.288 meters, for my metric friends), a group of 30 kids (rough estimate) were sitting in a big circle. I recognized all of them from other activities. They were the “cool” kids. Most of them were 3-5 years older than me.

They were talking, laughing, enjoying their Ding D**gs, and frolicing in the grass. The memory reminds me of the slow motion gas station scene in the movie Zoolander (minus the car, gas, and stupidity).

At one point, the de facto leader of the group turned around. I don’t know if he was stretching or just checking things out. Regardless, he noticed that I was standing alone.

He put his box lunch down, jumped to his feet, and walked over.

He put out his hand and said, “Hey, I’m Rob. Do you wanna sit with my group?”

At first, I wasn’t sure what to say. I probably gave him a blank stare. But then I managed to squeak out a simple, “Yes.”

We walked over to the group and he said, “Hey everyone. This is my new friend. He’s gonna eat lunch with us.”

Everyone smiled and waved.

I sat down and ate my lunch. I didn’t say anything. But it felt really good to be included.

Rob didn’t have to notice me. He was one of the cool kids. He didn’t have to get up and walk over. He didn’t have to invite me to sit with his group. He didn’t have to be nice, period. But he was.

I’ve never forgotten his kindness.

It’s human nature, at least in my experience, to assume that someone else will take action.

A few days ago, at my son’s indoor volleyball practice, three kids were in the back row of the court waiting to receive a serve. When the serve finally came over the net, the ball landed between two players. There was no communication. They just awkwardly looked at each other, assuming the other player would go after the ball.

This happened several times in a row.

I decided to stop the drill (I’m the assistant coach). I gathered everyone up and said, “We need to make a change. From now on, ALWAYS assume the ball is coming to YOU. Don’t assume someone else will get it. It’s ALWAYS your responsibility. I would rather have you guys run into each other, going after the ball, than watch balls hit the ground. If ALL of you have this mindset, we’re going to win a lot of games.”

It’s not realistic to expect squirrly, 12-year-old boys to immediately change their thought patterns. But there was a noticeable uptick in aggressiveness, fewer balls hit the ground, and a seed was planted.

Take a few minutes to reflect on your own life.

How often have you walked past a piece of garbage on the ground and thought, “Someone else will pick it up and throw it away.”

How often have you been at a social gathering, noticed someone standing in the corner of the room and thought, “Someone else will say hi.”

How often have you been in the grocery store parking lot, noticed someone struggling to put groceries into the car trunk, and thought, “Someone else will help.”

There are lots of reasons we fail to take action and assume others will pick up the slack (fear, laziness, and complacency come to mind). Again, it’s human nature. But just because it’s human nature doesn’t mean we don’t have a choice. Human nature is just our default setting. It’s the path of least resistance.

You can choose to pick up the piece of garbage. You can choose to say hi to the person standing in the corner (or standing in the grass, like I was 32 years ago). You can choose to help the person struggling to load groceries into the car.

The key is to ALWAYS assume no one else will do it.

What most people don't realize is that happiness, growth, and fulfillment require you to LIVE at the edge of your comfort zone. You can’t periodically vacation there and expect dramatic changes in your life.

As a life coach, I help people that feel emotionally and mentally stuck gain clarity, achieve balance, and be more present in their lives. A lot of the fear, laziness, and complacency people experience is the result of mental and emotional clutter.

Please join my Live Unstuck Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/283129656440910

And if you, or someone you know, is tired of feeling emotionally and mentally stuck and know you’re capable of living a more fulfilling life, reach out to me.

08/11/2021

Do you feel like you're stuck somewhere you don't belong?

08/05/2021

Several years ago, I bought a new Samsung phone. It came with a pair of virtual reality (VR) goggles. Being a lifelong technophile, I tore open the box the second it arrived on my doorstep and gazed at the glorious, freakishly huge, plastic goggles staring back at me.

It took a few hours to charge.

As soon as it was done, I snapped my new phone into the goggles and strapped the contraption to my face.

The first VR app I launched was a roller coaster simulator. I was anticipating the video quality to mimic reality. Unfortunately, the graphics were a joke and I remember being both angry and disappointed.

Despite the terrible, cartoonish graphics, the experience was real enough that when the roller coaster did a corkscrew, I fell over and hit my head against the wall.

That experience got me thinking about “reality” and how easily it can be distorted.

If you’ve read my other posts, you’re probably aware that I’ve struggled with depression for years. Depression, like VR goggles, can distort reality.

Let me give you an example.

From the time I was a freshman in high school until only a few years ago, I used to think I was “the ugliest person in the world.” I used the phrase so often (in my head), I should have trademarked it!

In high school, I rarely talked to girls. I figured they’d rather eat balut (look it up) than talk to “the ugliest person in the world.”
College wasn’t much better. I dated a few people. I even got married! But I was still 99% convinced that I was “the ugliest person in the world.”

On one occasion, when I was in a particularly deep reality distortion, I remember telling my wife, “I’m the ugliest person in the world.” Her response was, “Do you think I would marry the ugliest person in the world?”

For a split second, “reality” flickered and I asked myself, “Is it possible that I’m not seeing things clearly?” I could feel the cognitive dissonance bubbling up inside me (it wasn’t the first time).

But in true, proud-to-be-depressed fashion, I punched the cognitive dissonance in the face, crawled back into my shell, and clutched my distorted reality blankie.

Fortunately, a few years later, I started working with life coaches. They gave me the tools, perspective, and support I needed to look past the endless distortions.

I no longer think I’m “the ugliest person in the world.” That was a reality distortion that contributed to my depression. I’m also not Brad Pitt or David Lee Roth (that’s for the 80s fanatics that might be reading this post!). And that’s ok. I’m comfortable with who I am.

I know there are thousands, if not millions, of people out there that think they hold the “ugliest person in the world” title, just like I did. Maybe a few of you are reading this post. And if you don’t suffer from the “I’m the ugliest person in the world” distortion, you might suffer from other distortions, like:

“I don’t make enough money.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I’m not strong enough.”

“I’m not skinny enough.”

The list goes on and on. I've struggled with most of them myself.
We’re all looking for clarity, balance, and presence in our lives. I promise you it’s out there. But sometimes you need help finding it. And believe me, it’s worth the effort.

If you think you’re “the ugliest person in the world,” or feel like your life is controlled by other reality distortions, let’s talk. Life's too short to live in a distorted reality. Shoot me a DM or email me at [email protected]. 👍

And please consider joining my “Live Unstuck” Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/283129656440910

07/15/2021

"A ballplayer is a winner when he isn’t scared and when he isn’t afraid of either losing or of getting hurt. A lot of athletes are so afraid of failing that they don’t put themselves into the kind of position in which failure is possible. They’ll hold themselves back." - Phil Jackson (Bulls & Lakers Head Coach)

Although Phil Jackson's quote is directed at "ballplayers" (athletes), it applies to everyone.

How often do we NOT do things because we're scared? How many amazing experiences, blessings, and growth opportunities do we miss because we're too worried about failing?

There's nothing wrong with being scared. It's a normal emotion that everyone experiences. Under the right circumstances (e.g. you're being chased by a bear), it can save your life. The key is to not let fear become your dominant, controlling force.

When you're paralyzed with fear (at least in a non-life-threatening situation), take a moment to let yourself fully experience the sensations. Don't push them away. Let the fear wash over you. Once you've given the fear its moment in the spotlight (a few seconds or minutes), take a step forward. Take action. If the fear resurfaces (and it probably will), give it some more attention. And then take another step. Keep doing this until the fear has burned itself out and no longer needs attention.

As a life coach (I help people that feel stuck and want more clarity, balance, and presence in their lives), it's extremely satisfying to watch people go from living a life dominated by fear and worry to a life brimming with self-awareness, confidence, and clarity.

Once things start to click, you'll never go back.

If you liked this post, please consider joining my “Live Unstuck” Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/283129656440910

If you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed, and need more clarity, balance, and presence in your life, please reach out to me and we can talk about whether my coaching program would be a good fit. 🙂

06/22/2021

A lot of the work I do with coaching clients involves mental and emotional training. But you can't ignore physical training. The body, mind, and emotions are intertwined. It's important to step out of your comfort zone in order to not only grow mentally, emotionally, and physically, but it also create variety in your life (something most people lack). I watched a video this morning about the benefits of "quadrupedal movement" (a fancy way of saying "moving around on all fours"). Not only does it provide a great workout but it also stimulates your brain (I've spent several minutes today doing it). Watch the video, give it a shot, and let me know what you think and how you feel.

The eBook and Training Program: https://www.thebioneer.com/product/superfunctional/My book Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2UkVSNH​My book Amazon UK: https://amzn...