Rachel Roos Pokorney, LCSW R

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Rachel Roos Pokorney, LCSW R

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Rachel is an expertly trained mental health therapist providing individual and couples therapy

11/06/2026

Just a small carry-on containing my need for everyone to be happy with me, every conversation I’ve replayed since 2008, and the belief that resting is something I have to earn. Packed light. 🧳

Oh, and a separate compartment for the things I’m “totally over” but can still describe with suspiciously specific detail.

Sometimes the stuff we bring to therapy doesn’t feel like baggage. It feels like being responsible. Being easygoing. Being the person who never needs anything and always figures it out.

You might be so used to carrying it that you barely notice the weight. You notice that you’re exhausted, resentful, overthinking a two-word text, or saying “it’s fine” while mentally preparing an entire courtroom defense.

And then you sit down and say, “I don’t know. I’ve just been stressed lately.”

You don’t need to arrive with an organized timeline, a dramatic backstory, or a clear explanation of why something still bothers you. You can start with the argument you keep having. The favor you wanted to decline. The guilt that shows up whenever you take a break.

You also don’t have to unpack everything in one session. There’s no prize for emptying the entire bag before the hour is up.

“Can we look at why I keep carrying this?” is plenty to start with.

11/04/2026

I’d like to thank my therapist, the boundaries I almost didn’t set, and every text I typed into Notes instead of sending. 🥇

There will be an acceptance speech. Please respect my moment.

But seriously, sometimes you’re so focused on what you’re still struggling with that you miss what’s actually changing.

You had the uncomfortable conversation instead of avoiding it for three weeks.
You said no and let the sentence end.
You noticed you were spiraling before assembling a 47-slide presentation on why everyone secretly hates you.
You got upset, reacted in a way you didn’t love, and came back to repair it.

And then you sit down in therapy and say, “I don’t know. I feel like I’m still doing the same stuff.”

Still having feelings doesn’t erase your progress. Neither does needing support, getting triggered, or having a rough week.

Sometimes the change is in how quickly you notice the pattern. Sometimes it’s in what you do next. Sometimes it’s being a little less cruel to yourself while you figure it out.

You’re allowed to count those things before they feel effortless.

So when your therapist points out how far you’ve come? Take a second before explaining why it doesn’t count.

Accept the imaginary medal. You worked for that. 🏅

11/02/2026

Apparently “getting the spark back” involves vulnerability and accountability. I had a more literal interpretation. ⚡️😂

You want butterflies. Your therapist wants to know what happens in the twelve seconds between “Can you help me with this?” and “You think I never do anything.”

And suddenly we’re discussing the tone, the timing, the unspoken expectations, and an argument from three Thursdays ago that one of you thought was resolved because you ordered takeout afterward.

Very romantic. Love this journey for us.

It’s easy to miss feeling connected when most of your conversations sound like a staff meeting:
Who’s picking up the kids?
Did you pay that bill?
What’s for dinner?
Why am I the only one who knows we’re out of toilet paper?

Then you finally get a night together and feel pressure to become the carefree people you were before you shared a calendar and seventeen ongoing responsibilities.

Sometimes “I miss the spark” means “I miss feeling wanted.” Sometimes it means “I miss having fun with you.” And sometimes it means “I miss feeling like we’re on the same team.”

Those are much more revealing conversations than “We should go on more dates.” They’re also harder to start, especially when you’re worried your attempt to connect will turn into another argument.

You can want more closeness and still feel deeply inconvenienced by the emotional honesty required to get there. Both can be true. 😂

Mood lighting is lovely. So is being able to say “That hurt my feelings” without spending the rest of the evening arguing about whether it should have.

11/01/2026

Had a hard day? Little treat.
Finished something? Little treat.
Avoided something? Little treat, but with expedited shipping.

And now my wallet needs a medical intervention. 🫠

Listen, I’m not here to take away your iced coffee. You’re allowed to enjoy things. Every purchase does not need to become a personal growth opportunity.

But sometimes “I deserve this” becomes our automatic response to feeling overwhelmed, bored, frustrated, or underappreciated. And the purchase can be lovely while still leaving us with whatever we were feeling before checkout. Plus a tracking number.

Before the next “add to cart,” try asking: “What am I hoping this will do for me right now?”

Something to look forward to? A break? A moment that feels like it’s actually yours?

You might still want the thing. That’s fine. The point is to give yourself a choice—and notice whether there’s another need that also deserves your attention.

Because you deserve the little treat. You also deserve a day you don’t have to keep buying yourself consolation prizes for. 😅

10/31/2026

“I probably don’t even need this appointment,” I think, while retracing my steps to remember why I’m at the appointment. 🫠

Then comes the question: “What made you want to get evaluated?”

Excellent question. I have examples. Many examples. Have I ever accessed a single one on demand? Absolutely not.

Somewhere there’s a note in my phone explaining all of this. It’s between a grocery list from March and an idea that apparently required me to write “purple Tuesday” at 11:43 p.m.

The joke is forgetting why you walked into the room. The less funny part is spending years wondering why keeping up with everyday things feels like so much work—and then convincing yourself it doesn’t count because you’re technically keeping up.

You can bring that uncertainty into the appointment, too. You don’t have to arrive with a perfectly organized argument for why you deserve to be there.

And yes, forgetting why you entered a room doesn’t automatically mean ADHD. This is a joke, not a diagnostic assessment. But “I’ll ask about it once I can explain it perfectly” does not need to become another unfinished task.

Save this for the appointment you keep meaning to schedule. Or screenshot it and let it disappear into the collection. We know how this goes. 😂

10/29/2026

Yes, the laughing counts. 😂

Sometimes therapy is talking through something you’ve never said out loud. Sometimes it’s catching a pattern you’ve been repeating for years. And sometimes we need a minute to appreciate how accurately a meme describes your entire week.

I take what you’re going through seriously. That doesn’t mean I need to be solemn for every minute of our session.

I want there to be room for your actual personality. Your humor. Your tangents. The version of the story you’d tell if you weren’t trying to sound like a “good patient.”

And I want you to be able to tell me when I’ve missed the point, when something feels awkward, or when a suggestion absolutely will not work in your real life. We can talk about that, too.

We can laugh and still do meaningful work. We can get along and still have conversations that challenge you.

So yes, sometimes we’re vibing. The clinical term is building rapport. 💁🏻‍♀️

10/28/2026

He noticed a pattern, brought it up, and researched couples therapists without making you the project manager? Suddenly I’m very available.

There’s something attractive about a partner who takes an active role in the relationship. Someone who thinks about how things are going, starts the uncomfortable conversation, and shares the work of figuring out what comes next.

Because the work starts well before the appointment. There’s noticing that you keep having the same argument. Finding the words to bring it up. Looking for someone. Comparing schedules. Following through. When one person handles all of that, “I’ll go if you want me to” can still leave them carrying a lot.

Taking initiative might sound like:
“I don’t like how we’ve been talking to each other lately. I want us to work on it. I found someone who might be a good fit. Can we look together?”

There’s room for your input. There’s ownership of the problem. And there’s an actual next step.

You don’t have to wait until someone is considering leaving to give your relationship that kind of attention. You’re allowed to want help with a recurring disagreement, a difficult transition, or feeling disconnected before it becomes your normal.

Finding the therapist doesn’t mean the work is done. Both people still have to show up, listen, and practice doing things differently.

But hearing “our relationship matters to me” and seeing initiative behind it?

Yes. That’ll do it.

10/27/2026

Apparently “happy to help” was legally binding and now I’m in a parking lot before sunrise.

When I said “absolutely!” I was thinking about how nice it would feel for you to be pleased with me. I was thinking considerably less about the folding chairs.

That’s the problem with saying yes just to avoid the discomfort of saying no. The relief happens immediately. The actual commitment arrives later, with a start time and instructions about which entrance to use.

And somehow we assume our future selves will have more energy, fewer responsibilities, and a deep passion for event setup.

Helping can be something you genuinely value. You can love your community and still wish you hadn’t volunteered for the 7 AM shift. Two things can be true.

But if you keep agreeing before you’ve considered what you’re agreeing to, practice putting a pause between the request and your answer:

“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”

Then actually check. Your time, your energy, and what you’ll have to give up to make it happen. Would you still want to say yes if you knew the other person would be perfectly fine with a no?

Sometimes you’ll decide the commitment is worth it. Sometimes you’ll offer a smaller contribution. Sometimes you’ll let someone be briefly disappointed.

Choose which discomfort you’re willing to take on. Saying no can feel awkward. So can spending your Saturday resenting a commitment nobody knew you didn’t want.

Your future self would like a vote before you volunteer them again.

10/26/2026

I would like fewer responsibilities and a hotel where someone brings me breakfast. Apparently both require a financial plan.

Two things can be true: you can want more breathing room in your life and really enjoy the things your income pays for. You can appreciate your career and still wish it took up less of your week. You can love a vacation and wish you didn’t need one quite so desperately by the time it arrives.

The tricky part is figuring out what you actually want less of. Fewer hours? Less pressure? Less being available to everyone all the time? Fewer evenings spent answering “just one more” email?

Those are different problems, and they don’t all require the same solution.

Before deciding your only options are to keep running yourself into the ground or quit your job and move to the beach, look for one specific change that would make an ordinary week feel better. A lunch break you actually take. A commitment you stop automatically accepting. A realistic stopping time, even when there’s more you could do.

You’re allowed to want a life you enjoy on a random Tuesday, too.

Still happy to accept ancestral funding for the ocean-view room.

10/24/2026

The stakes could not be lower. My commitment could not be higher. 😂

I know this doesn’t matter. I know I said I was going to pick my battles. But you are confidently incorrect, and apparently I have cleared my afternoon.

Choosing your battles sounds very reasonable until you have an excellent point and someone refuses to appreciate it.

Then suddenly you’re explaining the backstory, providing examples, and saying “that’s not what I’m saying” for the fourth time. Somewhere along the way, a topic you barely cared about became a debate you absolutely must finish.

You can be right about something and still decide it isn’t worth another twenty minutes of your life. But that means being willing to end the conversation without the satisfaction of hearing, “You’re right. I see it now.”

That’s the part that can be hard.

Before launching into your next piece of evidence, ask yourself: “What am I hoping will happen if I keep going?” Are you clearing up something that matters? Having a debate you’re both enjoying? Or repeating yourself because you haven’t gotten the concession you want?

If you’re both having fun arguing about something ridiculous, enjoy it. But when the fun is gone and you’re still building your case, you’re allowed to stop.

Even mid-explanation. Even with an excellent point left to make. Even if the other person remains completely unconvinced.

And if you only notice after delivering a passionate closing argument about something deeply unimportant? That’s another chance to practice. You don’t have to finish every argument you accidentally auditioned for.

Unfortunately, knowing all of this does not make my next point any less compelling.

Address

New York, NY

Telephone

+16466534397

Website

http://www.rachelpokorneytherapy.com/

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