03/16/2023
Depending on your personality and temperament, you can be someone who avoids conflict at any cost, or tends to get irritated easily and quickly.
Healthy conflict is necessary, but we don’t always know how to handle it. Whatever place we are in the relationship, there are golden rules to follow even in the angriest states.
• NO to name-calling, belittling, attacking. It’s our right to be angry and upset, but we must remember that the other person is an equal human being and should be treated with basic respect.
• NO to manipulation and mind games. Not all of us come from families where feelings were taught to be expressed constructively and were met with openness. For that reason, we continue recreating old patterns and expect the other to read our mind, prove their love by finding ways around hidden strategies.
Take time to learn and practice sharing your thoughts and feelings directly.
• NO to competition. It’s so common to track the scores of who did what, and punish the other for not keeping up. While it is important what the partners have equal investment in the growth of the relationship, this competitive strategy only damages trust and kills the possibility for empathetic connection. Notice what the other does, learn to say words of appreciation, learn to ask for favors without demands.
And remember, with small daily steps, we can create the relationship of our dreams. Practice makes perfect.
