Cornelia Holden MW

03/07/2023

Yes.

My sister USAF Maj General Sharon Bannister articulates the importance of this day better than I can right now. Thank you, sis. Thank you, Dad. Be good.
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In the mind of a Gold Star daughter
Today marks the 51st anniversary of a life-changing day for me--and this year it's extra hard as it also marks the year of my retirement/transition from my life in the Air Force after 31 years of service.

In the early morning of 7 March 1972, a 2 ship of F-4E aircraft took off from Da Nang Air Base, Republic of South Vietnam on an armed reconnaissance mission over southern Laos. The number 2 aircraft, tail number 69-7552, call sign Gunfighter 61 was cleared to attack two enemy trucks at 0655. Unfortunately, the target wasn't completely destroyed, so they were cleared for its second attack run. The lead lost Gunfighter 61 in the early morning haze, enemy ground fire was heavy, and seconds later the flight lead saw a fireball over the great jungles of Laos. Of note, both targets were destroyed.
On that hazy morning in March, First Lt Carter Howell and my dad, 1st Lt Stephen Rusch, proud Airmen assigned to the 4th Tactical Fighter Squadron, 366th Tactical Fighter Wing, disappeared. Though visual, electronic, and photoreconnaissance searches continued for 3 days, on my 6th birthday, 10 March, the search concluded and Lt Howell and Lt Rusch had their status changed to Missing in Action. No words can explain the years to follow. The uncertainty was always there. What if my dad had died on impact? What if he had been captured and tortured..what if he got lost in the jungle, injured, alone. Years of dreams and many nights of tears, fading hope, and an aching heart that never heals.

In 1992, I joined the Air Force a bit lost, lonely, and empty--unfortunately not an unusual state of mind for Gold Star children. But I found something unexpected. As I was finishing up Officer Training School, the host of our Graduation Dining In (Maj Gen Billy McCoy) recognized me from a picture when I "was no older than 6" he had seen while deployed with my Dad. I was in Mess Dress with no name tag on my uniform, 20 years older than I was in the
picture, and across the room from him when he recognized me. I knew immediately I was joining something bigger than myself. I've never taken that for granted, thus have spent every day trying to have the same impact on the Airmen I've served while giving all I have--every day--to ensure our medics are trained and ready to save lives. Saving even one Airman, Soldier, Sailor, Marine, Guardian, means one less "Gold Star" in the world--and that means everything to me.
I carry my Dad's dog tag in my uniform - one of the only items found at the crash site in 2007 - as a reminder to be the best Airman/Leader/Human I can be in hopes of making someone feel like General McCoy made me feel that life-changing day in 1992.

THANK YOU to the many mentors and leaders who have taken care of this Gold Star Daughter.
And thank you to the "elite" teams I have been blessed to work with who continue to make me proud each and every day. Regardless of what I chose to do next, the time I've had in uniform will always bring meaning that will be hard to put in words.

Major General (almost retired), but forever a Gold Star daughter.

05/15/2022

Kickin’ it on a Sunday with one of my favorite friends. Rest is my new Holy Grail.

11/12/2021

Partnerships can be built from an early age. We build verbal and non-verbal covenants with our children whether we know it or not. Making the implicit explicit and connecting all your behaviors to bedrock values like safety, respect, inclusion, and belonging builds trust between you and your child. It’s also important to champion one another with feedback, courage, candor, forgiveness and humility.

What implicit convenants need to be made explicit in your life? And what behaviors need to be upgraded?

11/09/2021

I have found that there are many different types of writing: wide open writing, writing to explain, writing that connects stories to ideas, ligament sections, glossaries, research, and pausing at intersections so as not lose your audience at a sudden red light.

There are also different types of reading and activities that couple with what is needed for the writing: reading for fun, reading for ideas, reading for support, dreamtime, sleeping, walking, and of course, just doing nothing.

Do you write? What’s your experience with all the types of writing you do?

11/05/2021

Sometimes we are pulled in multiple directions by the multiple roles we play every day. I try my best to flow in and out of spontaneous moments of joy and nature while holding these commitments.

How do you find your center in the middle of the hustle?

10/29/2021

Happy Halloween from this family of pirates!

10/26/2021

A legend in the field of flow science has passed away this week. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, born in 1934, was a renown Hungarian-American psychologist who coined the term flow — defined as a blissfully optimized cognitive state where individual “attention becomes ordered and fully invested” because “goals are clear, feedback is relevant, and challenges and skills are in balance.” We keep his legacy alive with how we show up to our lives. So, here’s to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and to us! We have lost a truly great mind and soul. R.I.P.

10/22/2021

The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surrounding.
—Okakura Kakuzō, author of “The Book of Tea”

Transition zones are something we navigate as athletes, mothers, bosses, employees, children—as human beings. Although they create conditions of uncertainty and change, there are limitless opportunities for courage and growth.

10/19/2021

“Racial justice, like compassion, is just one form of an ethically grounded, mindful response to suffering in our lives.”
― Rhonda Magee

10/15/2021

Mark up the walls! Or first tape up some big pieces of paper…and then mark them up! Get those sticky notes out! Move things around. Get BIG! Sometimes the process calls for this kind of creative madness. Sometimes you need to get off that damn computer and onto a hard, tactile surface you can step away from and look at with new eyes.

10/12/2021

"On this Indigenous Peoples’ Day, I invite you to join me in reflecting on the Americas' first peoples' efforts—over many thousands of years—to steward the natural resources and systems that sustain life in all its forms. May the gift of their example inspire us to listen, learn, and act together in defense of our world." – Kevin Hicks

Yesterday was Indigenous People’s Day. The places we go, visit, and live have meaning beyond a hometown, destination, or getaway. They are all too often tied to a difficult history and a displaced people. These are the tensions worth confronting with our whole hearts.