20/07/2026
Some places become part of our story. For me, Banks, Idaho is one of those places.
This year, I returned to NFC for the first time in years. The river was familiar, but everything else felt different. I was there without the person who had introduced me to whitewater kayaking, without the life I thought we’d continue building together, and without the certainty I used to feel on the water.
I expected the trip to help me find myself again. Instead, it asked me to feel everything I had been trying to avoid.
One of the biggest lessons came from choosing not to prove anything. I didn’t paddle every day. I didn’t run the hardest rivers I’d paddled in the past. I gave myself permission to kayak on my own terms, laughed with friends on Class II and III sections, and realized that simply being on the water was enough.
Sometimes growth doesn’t look like pushing harder. Sometimes it looks like trusting yourself enough to choose a different line.
I wrote more about returning to the river, grief, healing, and learning to trust myself again in my latest blog. 🔗 Link in bio.