04/03/2024
This afternoon I went running through the marina to “clear my head”.
But even the energetics of the elements couldn’t calm the storm of negativity I was experiencing.
It was a lot easier to block out negative thoughts when my life was smaller and I was less aware. Back then, I had plenty of substances and well practiced avoidance behaviors to quite my thoughts and blunt/numb emotions.
*There’s a strong correlation between one’s ability to be self-aware and the impact it can have on their life.*
The truth is, there’s a part of me that’s sad, and hurting right now. And no exercise/movement nor fire, wind, earth or water, can change what’s coming up for me.
I knew this already, but a part of me was still hoping that it would 😅.
Don’t try to exercise it away,
Drink or drug it away,
F**k it away,
Screen time it away, etc.
___
A better solution is for me to just sit with it, feel it, understand it and process it so I can heal and proceed forward.
However, doing this uncomfortable inner-work isn’t attractive/exciting despite knowing it’s what will help me move forward. Today, I’m tired 😪.
But I have responsibilities, goals, activities and connections that I want to show up for. I do not care to return to small life I was loved.
So I will sit, and process and heal ❤️🩹. So that later I can share, relate, support and hold space.