06/04/2026
I have achieved a lot in my equestrian career, Lauren Mauldin writes. I’ve brought up green OTTBs, shown at some of my dream shows, and have the privilege of writing for equestrian media… among many other things!
I have also introduced multiple generations of pony kids to the F-bomb and other delightful swear words. I don’t mean to. But there are so many reasons to swear when you’re riding horses. For me, it’s typically some combination of “Oh I see that distance oh I DEFINITELY DON’T SEE THAT DISTANCE oh my god I’m going to die !@ #$!@ #$ #@!$ #$!@.”
That last word will drag out as long as I’m catching air time on a different planet than my saddle.
Maybe I should add “mastered the high art of squealing the F-bomb over oxers in both unjudged and judged competition” to my achievement list?
At seven, I learned the power of profanity the hard way through my figure skating coach. After falling on a double salchow at least 100 times in a lesson, the 101st attempt brought tears when I smacked my very-much-still-developing-skull on the ice and cried.
My coach didn’t like tears, and yelled at me to “STOP CRYING! Say a bad word! Say…” and then demonstrated all the options. You know, a perfect teachable moment. I learned early and took to swearing like any proper Southern blonde Episcopalian—out of earshot of my parents.
It’s a habit that has followed me into the barn and into my lessons, often near young children. It’s hard to fully articulate my artful cursing in this blog, since it’s hardly a high mark of equestrian media to discourse like a sailor. But there are just so many good scenarios for cursing with horses!
“So help me pony, if you don’t start being a... delightful treat...”
“Surely you are absolutely kidding, dear trainer, for that exercise seems like it was designed for someone with much more advanced skills than my own?”
“That was a geographically challenging distance I chose.”
“Did you see that unusual person in the schooling ring almost run me over?”
Honestly, the possibilities are endless.
📎 Continue reading this article at https://www.theplaidhorse.com/2025/06/26/swearing-can-improve-your-riding/
📸 F bomb worthy photo courtesy of Lauren Mauldin
