07/15/2026
The Parenting Plan Conversation Most Divorced Parents Never Have
The day my car accident changed how I think about co-parenting and how I guide parents in divorce forever
When you go through a divorce, there are a thousand decisions to make.
Who gets the holidays?
What time are exchanges?
Who makes medical decisions?
How will we communicate?
Like many parents, I spent months focused on creating a parenting plan that would help us navigate life after divorce.
But there was one conversation we never had.
What happens if one of us is seriously injured while driving with our children?
I never thought about it...
Until it happened to me.
The Day Everything Changed
Recently, I was driving with my children when we were involved in a serious car accident.
Ironically, it happened during one of the most stressful weeks of my divorce. We had our second mediation that week. Emotions were high, communication was strained, and like many divorced parents, we were focused on the conflict between us—not on preparing for an emergency.
Then, in a matter of seconds, everything changed.
Police officers, firefighters, and EMS arrived.
My only concern was my children.
Were they hurt?
Were they scared?
Were they okay?
My phone was damaged, and I couldn't access my contacts. As first responders asked questions, one thought kept running through my mind:
If I can't speak for myself, who is taking care of my children?
The Realization I Never Expected
Like many people after divorce, I had removed my ex-husband from my personal emergency contacts.
At the time, it felt like the right decision.
My emergency contacts were family members I trusted.
There was only one problem.
They lived more than ten hours away.
They loved my children.
But they couldn't get to the accident scene.
They couldn't meet my children at the hospital.
They couldn't drive them home.
Their father could.
That realization completely changed my perspective regardless of the level of conflict between my Ex and I
Divorce Doesn't Change Who Your Children's Parents Are
One of the hardest parts of divorce is separating your relationship as former spouses from your relationship as parents.
In high conflict co parenting the last thing you want is your ex knowing about and being involved in your personal life.
That's understandable-I know I didn't
But emergencies are different.
If you are seriously injured while your children are with you, they don't just lose access to one parent—they suddenly need the other parent more than ever.
Children don't stop needing both parents simply because their parents divorced.
Imagine This Scenario
You're transported to the hospital after an accident.
Your phone is locked or damaged.
Your children are frightened.
The other parent has no idea where you are.
They begin calling.
No answer.
They call your family.
No one knows what happened.
Meanwhile, your children are asking one simple question:
Is Mom okay?
or
Is Dad okay?
No parent wants their child to experience that uncertainty.
A Decision I Never Thought I'd Make
After my accident, I did something I never imagined I would do.
I added my ex-husband back as one of my emergency contacts
Not because our divorce suddenly became easy.
Not because our co parent relationship improved
Not because we agreed on everything.
Not because the conflict disappeared.
I did it because my children deserved a plan for the unexpected.
Ironically, he was the one who brought our children to visit me in the hospital.
When I was discharged, he was also the one who drove me home because my family was still hours away.
Life has a way of reminding us that parenting doesn't stop when the marriage ends.
Emergency Planning Isn't About Your Ex
It's about your children.
Think about how quickly life can change.
Would someone know who to call?
Would your children's other parent know where you were?
Would your children have someone they know and trust with them?
Those questions are just as important as deciding who has Thanksgiving.
Five Things Every Divorced Parent Should Do Today
Take ten minutes this week and review your emergency plan.
Ask yourself:
Is my emergency contact information up to date?
Does the other parent know who to contact if something happens to me?
Do my children have emergency contact information in their backpacks or sports bags?
Is there emergency information in my vehicle?
Does my parenting plan explain how emergencies will be handled?
You hope you'll never need any of it.
But if you do, you'll be grateful you planned ahead.
One Final Thought
When we create parenting plans, we spend so much time planning for birthdays, holidays, vacations, and school schedules.
Those things matter.
But life doesn't always follow a schedule.
Sometimes the most important part of a parenting plan isn't about dividing parenting time.
It's about making sure your children are protected on the day no one ever expects.
Because emergency planning isn't about your past relationship.
It's about your children's future.
A Simple Challenge
Today, take five minutes.
Review your emergency contacts.
Check the information in your wallet.
Look inside your child's backpack.
Ask yourself one question:
If something happened to me today, would my children know exactly who is coming to take care of them?
If the answer isn't a confident "yes," today is a good day to make a few small changes that could make a world of difference.
