06/08/2026
The Runway Report, Week 322, run 2 of 2, June 7: I Wanna Rock 5K
You know, they always said "I wanna rock," and look — I showed up. Tried to give the I Wanna Rock 5K the twist only I can provide, which means I did not give anyone what they asked for and I have zero regrets. The accordion situation required some creative problem-solving: a real one weighs a small child and costs what a small child costs, and a toy prop is just sad for everyone involved. Good thing the Runna plan has been working, because I poured myself through the neck hole of my accordion tunic and emerged on the other side as a fully operational polka machine — Hawaiian shirt, wig, fake mustache, and all the dignity that implies.
Then there's the hair. Al doesn't do a ponytail — Al never did a ponytail — which meant the only aerodynamic solution was to run fast enough to keep it flowing behind me. I don't know how he does this. Used today as a B race in my Runna plan anyway and demolished my previous course record here by over 5 minutes, so apparently committing to the bit is a significant performance enhancer.
The humidity had opinions about my outfit, and the course after those downpours was less nature trail and more trail to hell — but at least it paused long enough to get the race off with only a ten-minute delay. Sorry, Kyle. A certain subset of the crowd took one look at the accordion and immediately knew the medleys, and the ones who didn't — well, maybe they just need to eat it.
Up next: One last half marathon in Clinton. I could paint you a picture of the costume, but...
Pieces/ Parts: Rasta Impasta tunic, new shirt and wig, reworn Ted Lasso 'stache
By the Numbers: 307 unique costumes in 321 races, 206 solo runs, and 15 group runs = 542 costumed runs
