01/03/2024
A year in review. So many things I could say. Wild that it’s already been a full year since moving down to Florida.
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Had some amazing experiences and met lifelong friends along the way and for that I’ll be forever grateful. That’s how I’ve viewed this life, just one big experience. It’s a miracle that we’re even here experiencing this when you really think about it.
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Thought I had what I wanted to do for 2024 figured out, what I wanted to work on, what goals I wanted to achieve spiritually, financially, etc. but with recent events that have happened I’ve found myself in a lot of deep thought over the last few days. I’ve never actually wrote these thoughts out let alone share them but here it goes…
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For as long as I can remember I’ve been closed off, quiet, introverted. That kid who always sat in the back of the class and never raised his hand, never really said a word. I’ll always remember at those parent-teacher conferences when they would say “Ben is a good student, always does his work but he never talks. I don’t really even know him.” Think it probably stems from my childhood, not wanting to be a burden on my parents since they were dealing with the stress of just trying to keep my sister alive her entire life. I’ve carried it over into other aspects of my life and it’s affected friendships, relationships with family and significant others.
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I don’t feel like most people really know who I am, maybe it’s fear of being judged, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being hurt again. But like I said before life is about experience, to feel emotion; love, pain, joy, sadness, anger, regret, happiness… it’s what makes us human.
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Can’t help but wonder if I would have opened up to Parker a little more that he’d still be here, that he’s not alone, if I would have called him when he texted just a couple of weeks ago if it would have changed anything, maybe not, but I’ll never know and that’s something that is going to be in the back of my mind for a long time.
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Continued…