Lani B: Change Agent

Lani B: Change Agent Welcome! As a Certified Hypnotist and NLP Practitioner I'm here to provide you useful information and techniques to help you face the upsets in your world. Ouch!

Growing up, people called it shyness. What I experienced well into my early 20s would be defined today as severe social anxiety. And it was debilitating. I remember standing in line to become a Girl Scout as a child and quickly beelining it to the nearest exit. I wanted no part of it. In fact, I wanted no part of birthday parties, slumber parties, or big social events. I preferred to play invisibl

e. I even refused to raise my hand in class, to avoid unwanted attention. I thought I would grow out of it, until I began ditching work happy hours, neglected to apply for jobs that required presentations and turned down an opportunity to study abroad. The doctor gave me a quick fix – anxiety pills. Of which I took only once. While the pill worked its calming effect, I wanted another way. So began my journey to test my personal limitations. Instead of avoiding my fears, I began facing them head on. I didn’t want to live in a world where I felt confined. I had enough. I longed for the life outside my comfort zone. Since I feared public interactions, I became a journalist. It took me 20 minutes to pick up the phone to call a local mayor, that first day, but I pressed on. Eventually I interviewed everyone from local politicians to famous tattoo artists, musicians and comedians. I’ve taken on numerous roles over the years: freelance writer, managing editor, office manager and more recently, marketing manager. Handling business for hundreds has became the norm. Along the way I’ve learned to use nervousness as the throttle to move forward. I perceive failure as feedback and prevail through perseverance. Once taking in the world around me as an objective outsider, I’ve become an active participant who’s dictating my life’s direction. And you can do the same. I’m committed to utilizing my life lessons and training for a greater purpose. As a Certified Master Practitioner in NLP and Certified Master Hypnotist I’m eager to help you persevere beyond your personal limitations—whatever those may be! I did it the hard way, by throwing myself into undesirable situations. But you don’t have to. Through my training I’ve learned various neurological, linguistic, behavioral and hypnotic techniques that allow change to come effortlessly from the inside. If I can persevere to attain desired change, you can too. Let me help you become the boss of your own well-being.

I was scribbling notes down in my pad when something my client said made me stop. “I wanted a friend group so bad that I...
08/07/2026

I was scribbling notes down in my pad when something my client said made me stop.

“I wanted a friend group so bad that I was almost willing to compromise my values and what was important to me just to fit in.”

Then she laughed.

“Which is kind of weird to say because I’m not in high school.”

Her honesty caught me off guard. I understood exactly what she meant.

We looked at each other and shared one of those quiet nods that doesn’t need words.

The need to belong doesn’t disappear just because we become adults. It just looks different.

We keep saying “yes” to one more dinner.

We tell ourselves, “They’re good people,” overlooking the small moments that don’t sit quite right.

If we left we’d have to admit the hard truth that something isn’t working.

A moment later she added,  “I was forcing it to make it work.”

One of the reasons I love sharing client stories is because they often find language for experiences many of us have str...
08/04/2026

One of the reasons I love sharing client stories is because they often find language for experiences many of us have struggled to explain but couldn’t quite put into words.

Like when Deni said:

“The more I ignored my gut feeling, the more self-doubt it created. I couldn’t trust myself anymore.”

Self-doubt isn’t always where the struggle begins. For Deni, it was the consequence.

It came after years of quietly dismissing what she already knew.

That also means if self-doubt can be learned, self-trust can be rebuilt.

Most people think self-trust is shattered by something dramatic.A betrayal.A divorce.A layoff.Sometimes it is.But more o...
08/03/2026

Most people think self-trust is shattered by something dramatic.

A betrayal.

A divorce.

A layoff.

Sometimes it is.

But more often, I think it disappears more subtly.

You leave the dinner feeling unsettled, then tell yourself you’re overreacting.

You wake up with a knot in your stomach before work, then convince yourself you’re just stressed.

You feel yourself pulling away from a relationship, then remind yourself how much history you have together.

Little by little, you stop treating your intuition as valuable information and start arguing with it.

And eventually, the loudest voice in your life isn’t your own, but everyone else’s expectations of who you should be.

That’s why I don’t think rebuilding self-trust begins with becoming more confident.

I think it begins with something much smaller.

The next time your inner voice says,

“This doesn’t feel right.”

Pause long enough to wonder:

What if it’s telling the truth?

Sometimes burnout isn’t caused by doing too much.Sometimes it’s caused by spending years pretending to be someone you’re...
07/28/2026

Sometimes burnout isn’t caused by doing too much.

Sometimes it’s caused by spending years pretending to be someone you’re not.

You wake up tired.

You dread Monday before it arrives.

You feel relieved when plans are canceled because you don’t have the energy to be “on.”

From the outside, your life looks successful.

Inside, something feels off.

The hardest part is that you often don’t have a dramatic reason to leave.

The job is good.

The relationship is fine.

Your friends are nice.

So you convince yourself the discomfort isn’t real.

You tell yourself you’re overreacting.

You push through.

Again.

And again.

Until one day you realize you haven’t just ignored your intuition…

You’ve stopped trusting it.

I’ve found that many people are exhausted because it takes an enormous amount of energy to perform a version of themselves they’ve already outgrown.

Your body knows long before your mind is willing to admit it.

So here’s a question worth sitting with today:

Where are you exhausted not because you’re doing too much… but because you’re working so hard to remain someone you’ve outgrown?

I don’t think most people wake up one day and decide to abandon themselves.I think it happens so gradually they barely n...
07/27/2026

I don’t think most people wake up one day and decide to abandon themselves.

I think it happens so gradually they barely notice.

You take the job because it’s the responsible choice.

You stay because the salary is good.

You keep saying yes because you’ve become known as the dependable one.

From the outside, your life looks successful.

From the inside, something doesn’t feel quite right.

Not dramatically.

Just enough that you hit snooze a little more often.

You feel your shoulders tense every Sunday night.

You’re strangely relieved when plans get canceled because you’re too exhausted to be “on.”

You tell yourself you’re just busy.

Or stressed.

Or burned out.

And maybe you are.

But sometimes burnout isn’t about doing too much.

Sometimes it’s about spending years becoming someone who no longer feels like you.

A client once said something I’ll never forget:

“I wasn’t choosing the job because it was me. I was choosing it for external validation.”

That sentence has stayed with me.

Because it wasn’t really about a job.

It was about what happens when we stop asking,

“Does this feel like me?”

…and start asking,

“Does this make sense?”

One question leads you toward yourself.

The other can quietly lead you away.

Maybe that’s why lasting change isn’t just about making better decisions.

Sometimes it’s about becoming someone who trusts themselves enough to make them.

✨ I’m curious…

Have you ever looked around at a life you worked incredibly hard to build and quietly wondered…

“When did I stop asking whether this actually feels like me?”

One of the most fascinating things I’ve noticed working with clients is that two people can live through almost the exac...
06/10/2026

One of the most fascinating things I’ve noticed working with clients is that two people can live through almost the exact same experience and walk away with completely different lives.

One person gets rejected and decides:

“I’m not good enough.”

Another gets rejected and decides:

“That wasn’t the right fit.”

One person gets laid off and decides:

“I failed.”

Another decides:

“Maybe this is the push I needed.”

Same event.

Different meaning.

Different future.

Most people think their life is shaped by what happened to them.

I don’t think that’s entirely true.

I think it’s shaped by the story, or the meaning making, they built around what happened.

Years ago, when I struggled with social anxiety, I had a collection of experiences that seemed to prove I was awkward.

The presentations I hated.

The conversations I replayed in my head.

The moments I felt embarrassed.

Those experiences were real.

But they weren’t the whole story.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my mind had become very good at organizing evidence around one conclusion:

“Something is wrong with me.”

The more evidence I gathered, the more true it felt.

The more true it felt, the more I acted like it was true.

That’s what fascinates me about identity work.

Most people aren’t trapped by their past.

They’re trapped by the meaning they’ve assigned to it.

The events matter.

But the pattern connecting those events matters even more.

Because identity isn’t any single thing that happened to you.

It’s the story your mind constructed from those things.

And sometimes the biggest transformation isn’t creating a new life.

It’s seeing the life you’ve already lived through a completely different lens.

One thing I’ve noticed from working with high performers is how much we trust our memories.Not because they’re accurate....
06/01/2026

One thing I’ve noticed from working with high performers is how much we trust our memories.

Not because they’re accurate.

Because they feel true.

You don’t walk into a boardroom, sales call, difficult conversation, or big opportunity consciously thinking about every experience you’ve ever had.

But your mind does that for you.

It quietly searches for evidence.

Evidence about who you are.

What happens when you speak up.

Whether you’re capable.

Whether you’ll succeed.

Whether you’ll fail.

And then it hands you a conclusion.

The strange part?

The conclusion isn’t alway built on the full picture.

It’s often based on the most emotional experiences.

The criticism that stung.

The rejection that caught you off guard.

The mistake you still think about years later.

One uncomfortable experience can end up carrying more weight than a hundred examples that suggest otherwise.

Not because it’s more true.

Because it’s easier to find.

I’ve seen people build entire careers around conclusions they made about themselves decades ago.

Conclusions that were never actually questioned.

Conclusions drawn from incomplete information.

And that’s where things get interesting.

Because the problem usually isn’t a lack of capability.

It isn’t a lack of strategy.

It isn’t even a lack of confidence.

Sometimes it’s that you’re making today’s decisions using yesterday’s evidence.

Evidence your mind has been treating as fact for years.

The people who move fastest aren’t always the most talented.

They’re often the people whose minds have access to different proof.

Different memories.

Different conclusions.

Different expectations.

Which is why one of the most valuable questions you can ask yourself is:

What evidence am I using to decide who I am today?

Because the future you’re creating is influenced by the answers your mind keeps retrieving.

And sometimes the biggest shift isn’t becoming someone new.

It’s realizing the evidence was never the whole story.

Marketing is a bitch sometimes.Especially when you’re building something that matters to you.  As an entrepreneur, coach...
05/19/2026

Marketing is a bitch sometimes.

Especially when you’re building something that matters to you.

As an entrepreneur, coach, creator, or founder growing an audience online, you start hearing all the same advice:

“Speak to pain points.”

“Be more specific.”

“Talk about outcomes.”

“Create demand.”

“Position yourself clearly.”

And yeah, some of that matters.

But somewhere along the way, it starts feeling weirdly formulaic.

Like everyone’s running the same A + B = C script.

Talk about the problem.

Push the pain point.

Present the solution.

Insert yourself as an authority.

Repeat.

And after a while, you look around and realize everyone sounds the same.

Don’t talk about identity work, Lani! (I’ve heard ad nauseam.)

That’s too vague.

Don’t say you help people uncover unconscious patterns.

People don’t understand that.

Be more concrete.

More niche.

More marketable.

Do this.

Don’t do that.

Post more.

Simplify more.

Use your client’s language.

Package yourself better.

At some point you stop asking:

“What do I actually want to say?”

And start asking:

“What gets more hits?”

That’s the part that starts to feel soul-deadening. Constantly calculating what’s “working.”

Because yes, I can help people.

But not at the expense of sounding like a copy-and-paste version of everyone else online. Not at the expense of my own authenticity.

I think there are more people feeling this than we admit.

The black sheep.

The founders building without a blueprint.

The people in career transitions.

The entrepreneurs quietly questioning the system while still trying to succeed inside of it.

The people craving more honesty.

More humanity.

More togetherness in all of this.

Those are my people.

Where are you?

“I’m a failure.” “I’m not doing enough.”“Don’t drop the ball.”“If you get complacent you’ll f**k up.”I’ve had many clien...
03/03/2026

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m not doing enough.”

“Don’t drop the ball.”

“If you get complacent you’ll f**k up.”

I’ve had many clients tell me an array of the above.

They’ve been emphatic about these beliefs.

That inner critic can be so loud that it drowns out any other sounds.

One client told me that his internal berating was so intense that he had to X out of an online work meeting early.

I’ve had clients say worse things to themselves.

It’s a cacophony of s**t talking.

I’d like to think we all have pleasant song birds inside gently praising us, but we all know the reality. It’s often an inner bully hellbent on bitching us out. We all have our version of Tyler Durden of Fight Club that’s acting up inside.

But what do we do with a voice that’s constantly narrating our doom and gloom?

(Read the rest in my BIO)

“I want your money, cash, dirty cash, I want you, dirty cash, I need you.I’ve been obsessively listening—and dancing alo...
02/25/2026

“I want your money, cash, dirty cash, I want you, dirty cash, I need you.

I’ve been obsessively listening—and dancing alone in my apartment—to PAWSA’s remix of this 90s classic, Dirty Cash, by The Adventures of Steve V.

I love me some house music!

But, hmm, some of the lines are a bit problematic:
“I’ve no excuse, I just want you to use me
Take me and abuse me
I got no taboos, I’ll make a trade with you
Do anything you want me to…
I once had pride, now that’s all behind
I want to get rich quick
I want success and all that goes with it.”

These lyrics aren’t surprising, though. So many of us have a complicated situationship with money and success.

(Read the rest of this in my BIO)

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Los Angeles, CA

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