Sophie Parienti & Jesse Gabler - Relationship & Communication Coaches

Sophie Parienti & Jesse Gabler - Relationship & Communication Coaches Let us guide you to your (extra)ordinary Relationship!
- 25 years expertise in Couple Coaching -

You don’t get mad at the sun for being too hot.You move into the shade.You drink water.You protect your skin.You underst...
09/01/2026

You don’t get mad at the sun for being too hot.

You move into the shade.
You drink water.
You protect your skin.
You understand that the sun is the sun.

But in relationships, when something in us gets triggered, we often do the opposite.

We point at the other person and say, “You made me feel this.”

And of course, sometimes our partner did say something careless. Sometimes they did cross a line. Sometimes something needs to be named clearly.

But very often, the intensity of our reaction is also showing us something about us.

Something old.

A fear.
A wound.
A belief.
A place inside that still feels unsafe.

Your partner may have touched the trigger, but the trigger was already there.

And this is where so many couples get stuck.

One person feels hurt.
The other feels blamed.
Then both start defending.
And nobody gets curious about what actually happened inside.

What if, instead of only asking, “Why did you do that to me?” we also asked:

“Why did this touch me so deeply?”
“What did I suddenly believe was true?”
“What part of me felt threatened?”
“What is mine to understand here?”

That does not mean your partner has no responsibility.

It means you also come back to yourself.

Because the more you understand your own triggers, the less they have to run the whole conversation.

And sometimes, that one moment of self-awareness can change everything.

Have you noticed what your partner most easily triggers in you?

08/31/2026

Love is not only what you meant to give.

It is also what the other person was able to receive.

And this is where so many couples miss each other.

You may be loving your partner in the way that feels natural to you. You may be doing the things that, in your world, mean care, loyalty, effort, devotion.

And still, they may feel alone.

Not because your love is not real.

But because it may not be reaching the place in them that needs to feel loved.

This happens all the time.

One person says, “But I do so much for you.”

And the other is thinking, “I know… but I still don’t feel close to you.”

One shows love by fixing, organizing, providing, taking care of things.

The other needs softness, words, time, touch, attention, presence.

And then both feel misunderstood.

One feels unappreciated.

The other feels unloved.

This is why curiosity matters so much in a relationship.

Not:

“Why don’t you see everything I do?”

But:

“What actually makes you feel loved by me?”

Not:

“This should be enough.”

But:

“Help me understand what reaches you.”

Because real intimacy is not only loving someone from your own language.

It is being willing to learn theirs.

Ask them tonight:

“What is one thing I do that helps you feel loved?”

And maybe also:

“What is one thing you wish I understood better about how you receive love?”

The answer may surprise you. Share with me in the comments.

08/29/2026

In this video, you can hear my husband Jesse in the background telling a story that changed the direction of our lives.

Years ago, we were running our media business together, and like many entrepreneurs, we had moments where things could get tense with the team. One misunderstanding, one sentence, one disagreement with a co-worker, and suddenly the whole nervous system on both sides is involved.

At the time, we did not yet have the language we have now.

We had good intentions, yes. But running a business and good intentions do not automatically teach you how to speak when you are hurt, disappointed, triggered, or trying to protect yourself.

Then we met , and through him, we were introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

And something really magical happened.

Not because NVC gave us a magic sentence to repeat. Not because it made us perfect communicators. We are definitely not that.

But because it gave us a way to slow down and understand what was really happening underneath an argument.

What did I actually hear?
What story did I make up?
What did I feel?
What need was alive in me?
What was I really asking for?

For us, this changed everything.

It changed the way we communicated with our team, but it also shifted how we spoke in our relationship. It changed the way we worked together, listened to each other when it would have been easier to defend, explain, or be right.

And little by little, NVC became less of a “tool” and more of a way of living.

A way of coming back to connection.

A way of remembering that behind every reaction, there is often something much more tender trying to be understood.

This is why I have been teaching this work since then.

Because I know what it gave us.

And I know how many couples are not missing love.

They are missing a language for the moments when love feels hard to reach.

Have you ever had one conversation, one teacher, or one moment that changed the way you understood love?

You know those conversations where, on paper, you are communicating?You are both talking, using proper words, even sayin...
08/28/2026

You know those conversations where, on paper, you are communicating?

You are both talking, using proper words, even saying the “right” things.

But somehow, nothing lands.

One of you explains, the other defends. One asks a question, the other hears an attack. One tries to get closer, the other feels pressure and pulls away.

And after twenty minutes, you are exhausted, frustrated, and thinking, “Why can’t we just communicate?”

But communication is not always the real problem.

Safety is.

Because when you don’t feel safe, even a simple sentence can sound like criticism.

“Can we talk?” feels like danger.

“I need something from you” feels like failure.

“You hurt me” feels like accusation.

And suddenly, your body stops listening for love. It is listening for threat.

This is why couples can learn all the “communication tools” and still keep ending up in the same painful place.

Because the body does not care how beautiful your sentence is if it feels like it's about to be blamed, rejected, humiliated, abandoned, or controlled.

So“How do we communicate better?” is not enough.

A deeper question is:

“How do we create enough safety so we can actually hear each other?”

Safety sounds like:

“I’m not here to attack you.”
“I want to understand, not win.”
“We can slow down.”
“Your feelings are not too much for me.”
" Tell me more..."
“I can hear you without making this about my defense.”

This is where real communication begins.

Forget about finding the perfect words.
When the person in front of you feels safe enough to receive them, the connection will happen.

Have you ever noticed that the same words feel completely different depending on how safe you feel with someone?

08/27/2026

In a relationship, we think we are arguing about what is happening today.

But most of the time, there is a whole structure behind our reaction.

The way you grew up. What your family valued. What was considered important. What made you feel safe and worthy. What you learned you had to become to be loved, respected, or seen.

In my masterclass, I speak of a client I worked with who came from a family where achievement was everything.

Success and money were the currency of his family. Along with working hard and being impressive. And he became very successful, truly. But when he came to me, his relationship was suffering.

He did love his partner very much, but no one had ever taught him that emotional presence was also important. No one had shown him that sitting down to talk about the relationship, reading a book about love, or learning how to understand his own emotions could be just as valuable as building a career.

So when his partner wanted more connection, he could not really understand why it mattered so much.

To him, he was doing his part. He was working, providing, succeeding, building.

But to her, something essential was missing. And this is where couples can miss each other so deeply.

Because one person may be saying, “I am showing you love.”

And the other may be feeling, “But I do not feel loved.”

Both are living from the reality they learned.

This is why our beliefs are so important to observe. They become the lens through which we understand love, conflict, success, safety, and even our partner’s requests.

And sometimes what we call “just who I am” is really something we learned as a child.

The inner work is not to blame our childhood, our culture, or our family.

It's to become conscious of what they taught us.

Because once you can see the belief system you are living from, you have a little more freedom.

So you can ask:

“Is this belief helping me love better?”

That is where a different kind of connection begins.

08/26/2026

There is something I have always noticed in the couples who make it.

It's not that they never hurt each other, always understand right away or that everything feels natural from the beginning.

It's that when one of them says, “This matters to me,” the other actually listens.

In this excerpt from our masterclass, I'm sharing a moment from the beginning of my relationship with Jesse.

There was a situation around planning weekends. He would make plans, invite friends, organize something and nd then ask me if I wanted to join... and I realized that something in me didn’t feel considered.

I could have turned that into a fight.
“You just do whatever you want.”
“Why do I always have to explain this?”

But I had learned to speak differently.

So I told him that now that we were in a relationship, it would really meet my need for consideration if he checked in with me first, as his partner, before planning the weekend or inviting people.

What touched me so much about Jesse was that he listened. He took it in.

And the next time a weekend was coming, he came to me on Monday or Tuesday and said something like, “Hey, do you want to plan something this weekend?”

Was it a little constructed in the beginning, and not completely natural yet? Yes.

But I didn’t care. Because I could see the effort.

I could see that he had heard me, that he was trying, and that my need mattered enough for him to change something in the way he showed up to the relationship.

Not grand gestures but a willingness to adjust.

The willingness to say, “I may not do this perfectly, but I care enough to try.”

So many times we miss those moments in our partner because we are waiting for the change to look effortless, or exactly the way we imagined.

But love shines in the small acts.

So please, notice thoses efforts.

Because when someone is willing to learn how to love you better, that is where real connection begins.

Please share a small effort from your partner that actually meant a lot to you?

You know those moments in a couple when your partner say, “I’m sorry,” and instead of feeling relieved, something in you...
08/25/2026

You know those moments in a couple when your partner say, “I’m sorry,” and instead of feeling relieved, something in you still feels tight?

You almost feel guilty for not being able to just accept it.

Because technically, they apologized, right?

So why are you still hurt?
Why is your body still guarded?
Why do you still want to talk about it?

This happens so often in relationships.

You think the apology should end the conversation, and your partner is sitting there thinking, “But do you actually understand what happened to me?” or vice versa.

I tell my client that sometimes “I’m sorry” arrives way too quickly.

It comes before they have really listened to the pain of their partner.

It comes with a little impatience underneath it. “I said sorry, what else do you want?”

And that sentence can hurt almost as much as the first thing that happened.

Because now the person who is hurt is not only carrying the original pain.

They are also carrying the feeling of being too much for still having it.

In couples, this is where so many repairs break down.

One person is trying to move on.

The other is trying to feel met.

And those are not the same thing.

Sometimes what you want is not another apology.

You want them to slow down.

To look at you and say, “I can see why that hurt.”

To stay present without rushing you out of your feelings.

To ask, “What was the hardest part for you?”

To let your pain matter without making you defend it.

That is when the apology can land fully in the body and not just a a bandage.

Because the feeling that the person you love is willing to understand the impact they had on you.

Because repair is not just “I’m sorry.”

Repair is: “I am willing to stay here long enough to understand what my actions might have created in you.”

Have you ever received an apology that still left you feeling alone with the hurt?

08/24/2026

I know how tempting it is to look at your partner and think, “Why are they not doing the work?”

I hear this all the time.

When you have been reading, reflecting, going to therapy or coaching, trying to communicate differently, trying to understand yourself… it can feel very lonely when the other person does not seem to be moving at the same speed.

You start watching them.

Are they changing? Are they aware? Did they understand what I said? Are they finally going to look at their part?

And before you know it, all your energy is over there, monitoring their growth.

But I always come back to this with my clients: bring the focus back to your side.

Not because your partner has no responsibility. Of course they do.

But because your side is the only place where you have real power.

You cannot force someone to wake up at the same time as you. Maybe they are doing the work slowly, doing it in a way you don’t recognize, or maybe they are avoiding it.

Maybe they will never do the work in the way you hoped.

And that is painful.

But then what do you do with that?

What is yours to understand? To express more clearly? What is yours to repair, to stop tolerating or to release?

That is where things begin to shift.

Because relationships are two whole worlds meeting, and sometimes collapsing.

You both have different childhoods, cultures, ways of protecting yourselves, fears, definitions of love, and often completely different ways of thinking.

This is something I speak about in the video, because I don’t think we talk about it enough.

We think our partner is being difficult, cold, irrational, careless, or stubborn, when in reality they may be processing life through a completely different inner system.

It does not excuse hurtful behavior.

But it can change the way you understand what is happening between you.

That shift creates more space, more compassion, and a very different kind of conversation.

DM me THINKING PROCESS and I’ll send you more info.

There is a belief that a relationship starts falling apart through a big breakdown.Betrayal. Crisis. Fights that goes to...
08/23/2026

There is a belief that a relationship starts falling apart through a big breakdown.

Betrayal. Crisis. Fights that goes too far. The sentence that cannot be taken back.

But from my experience, it begins much earlier.

In the many small moments where you stop checking in, and where entitlement starts to take place.

You live together, you organize life together, the kids, the business, the groceries, the next thing to do… but you slowly stop asking the questions that really matter to nourish a loving relationship.

“How are you, really?”
“What has been heavy for you lately?”
“Where do you feel alone with me?”
“What do you need more of from us?”
“What are we not saying because we are afraid it will become a fight?”

Jesse and I have learned, after 26 years together, that love needs places to land.

Sometimes that place is a walk on the beach, it is a morning tea together, a note we leave for each other, a sweet text, and mainly the courage to not stay on the surface.

It may not look romantic from the outside. There no big flower bouquet on Valentine nor that predictable box of heart-shaped of the most refined chocolate, even tough neither of us would mind it.

But to me, what is deeply romantic is two people who still choose to study each other, who are willing to ask better questions, who do not wait for the relationship to be in crisis before giving it attention.

Because an extra-ordinary relationship is not built only in the beautiful moments.

It is built in the ordinary ones, and how you make them sacred.

The tea time where you listen differently.
The walk where you finally say what was on your mind.
That one hour where you stop managing your entire life and start meeting each other again.

So maybe the question to ask today beside “Do we still love each other?” might be
“Are we still making time to know each other?”

Comment COFFEE TIME and I’ll send you a few questions Jesse and I love using to reconnect.

08/22/2026

“You should know” is one of the ways resentment enters a relationship.

Unspoken expectations become invisible contracts our partners never agreed to. Love grows when entitlement becomes a clear request, and the other person is free to answer honestly.

Read the lastest article on my blog - link in bio.

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