12/22/2024
As a former player, during my time of performance and even now, issues were and are often varied. I had to think carefully about who I spoke to and shared my thoughts with. Sometimes, my instinct led me to produce ideas to avoid creating difficulties. But there are moments that can be very intense and sensitive—like when a coach called me off the list and benched me for some time.
Bearing the pain inside can’t be avoided, but it can be managed. When you play soccer and get paid, you learn ethics and discipline. You also learn to turn those unavoidable moments into an investment for the next game. This situation could have been better understood if the coach had met with me and explained the reason why I was off the list. However, if the coach forgets to address such issues, it can build up and make things worse. Despite that, I still had to manage and keep investing in the next game.
I didn’t play for one game. The coach didn’t meet me and never explained why. Then the next game came, and I found my name benched again. I thought to myself, What in the world happened? I was ready, fit, and capable of playing. Why did the coach select my teammate for the position I usually play best? Even most of the players agreed I was the best for that position.
Then the conflict started and escalated quickly. The coach called me and asked to meet. Just as we shook hands, he said, “I never expected to create this conflict. You made everybody misunderstand my intention. I noticed during practices that you were limping—not once but many times—so I spoke with the doctor, and he issued you two weeks of recovery from games. I should have explained this to you. But now, how can I trust you?”
I didn’t answer the coach right away. I stared at him peacefully, thinking about the ideas running through his mind. I knew saying the wrong thing could be held against me. Then the coach said, “Can’t you answer my question?”
I replied respectfully, “I’m not a drama person, sir. You know me. If I have something important or serious to say, I share it. But in this case, I can’t answer.”
He looked at me with surprise and said, “Why did the players create a conflict against my management, and why are you the person they empathize with?”
I told him, “I don’t need to defend myself. I haven’t said anything. Those players, like you, are the best. They have big hearts and sharp minds, and they’ve given their feedback. I don’t know how, when, or why this conflict arose. If you’re asking whether I support their concerns, I’ll stand by their side because they’re the ones who will help us achieve our goals. If I were in your position, I would have managed this earlier—perhaps by hosting a dinner, meeting with the players, and explaining exactly what you just told me. Bring the doctor to support your statement.”
The coach smiled and said, “That’s a bright idea. I agree I was a little sensitive about this issue, and I appreciate your feedback and the smart suggestion.”
We met at his house, had food and drinks, and the coach addressed the team. He explained the issue, and the doctor supported his words. Then the coach asked me to stand and say a few words.
I stood up and said, “I’m part of this blessed team. If the players give feedback, I trust that it’s valuable and supports our team’s goals. What you told me earlier and what you’ve shared today explain exactly why I was benched. But moving forward, we need more communication and transparency to achieve our goals. That said, today’s meeting clearly shows your intention was always to manage this team with care and good intentions.”
The conflict turned into a cornerstone for unity and renewed energy for goal accomplishment.
We all can speak from within, and we all can move forward by allowing our inner thoughts to emerge. Sometimes, those thoughts go out of bounds, exaggerate situations, or lead our emotions to become uncontrollable, like a goat jumping from place to place. But conflict is not war. It’s not about hate. It’s a disagreement that can alert a leader to see things clearly and fix what needs to be fixed.
