06/14/2026
🚨 2U ELITE TRYOUTS 🚨
Looking for the next generation of superstars! Must be between 2-3 years old. Potty training is not required — occasional bag peeing is considered a sign of toughness. 💪⚾
💰 Monthly fees: Approximately the same as a small mortgage payment.
🛣️ Travel: Every weekend. If it’s less than 4 hours away, are you even committed?
🏨 Hotels: Required. Sleep is optional.
🍟 Diet: Goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets, and dugout dirt.
🧢 Coaches: 13-year-olds with extensive experience from MLB The Show and YouTube highlight reels.
🏆 Ranked #1 in the Nation* (*according to their moms and grandparents.)
⚾ Looking for pitchers, catchers, lefties, righties, and anyone who can run without falling over.
Come join the best 2U team in the nation and start your college recruiting journey before preschool!
(Joking)