12/07/2021
December 7th
No professional has a greater stake in the well-being of the baby than the parents.
The consequences are theirs so the decisions are theirs.
"I'm just thinking about what's best for the baby." "It's not about an experience. At the end of the day it's about a healthy baby." "The baby is my patient and I am just doing what is best for them." "You wouldn't want to put the baby at extra risk, would you?" "Unfortunately in this country we don't have rights for unborn babies."
These are all phrases I have heard, or women have told me were said to them, by professionals, when they questioned the suggested care option, or asked for a different course of action.
I find it highly offensive for any professional to assert they have greater concern for the baby then the parents. It is the number one thought and worry for women and partners, for nine months (and a lifetime after that too). The vast majority of women will always put their baby’s well-being above their own.
Of course most of the time the professional is expressing their genuine opinion, based on their assessment of the situation, which has a number of factors, not just the safety of the baby, but also the ease for the hospital system and staff. Though sometimes the use of the 'dead baby card' is purely manipulation to get woman to comply, from a paternalistic stand point.
To come out with phrases like these is emotional blackmail. It not only stops informed consent, but also breaks down the trust between parents and professionals.
If you are a health professional, your job isn't to get women/birthing people to comply, it is to give them the information, answer their questions, and then support their decision, whether you agree or not. Here is an ethical guide on informed consent and refusal in obstetrics.
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/birt.12281
And this is a guide to human rights in maternity care in the UK for midwives.
https://www.bihr.org.uk/midwiferyhumanrights
Situations are rarely black and white. Whilst guidelines often distil an issue down to one thing (e.g. with vbac, detecting and dealing with scar rupture), women are balancing different factors. One client was having a tear stitched after a vbac when her consultant walked in and said, 'I bet you wish you'd had that caesarean now.' 'No, tomorrow I will be able to pick up my toddler", she replied.
We all make different decisions, even in the same situation. Not all doctors and midwives think the same either. And sometimes the research isn't clear anyway. It is very patronising for a professional to say that they have weighed up the risks on your behalf.
Whatever the risks of one thing or another. It is your risk to take.
Of course a healthy baby is the most important thing. Nobody knows that more than the parents. We can be trusted to make decisions, we are adults, parents; we are about to make decisions for our child for the next eighteen years. And it is rarely either/or. (More on this in the coming days.)
Research is backing up individualised decision making. The huge national maternity review report, Better Births, concluded “It is increasingly evident that personalised care means safer care and better outcomes.”
And a healthy baby is not all that matters. (Here is a great article which talks about this.) You are not merely a vessel to grow baby in. You are a dyad, you and your baby. Your baby cannot have maximum health if you are recovering from a traumatic birth where your wishes and your body autonomy were damaged. What’s good for mum is good for baby, and that’s good for dad/other mum too.
My body. My baby. My choice.
If you are finding these Birth Rights Advent Calendar posts interesting and useful you might like to sponsor me by donating to Birthrights and AIMS, the two leading childbirth rights organisations in the UK, or to a similar organisation where you live. www.uk.virginmoneygiving.com/birthrightsadventcalendar
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You can also join the conversation in the Birth Rights Advent Calendar facebook group.
For more information on a woman's rights in pregnancy, birth, and postnatally, and to receive support, go to AIMS and/or Birthrights.
I am a doula and antenatal teacher who knows that when birth rights are respected women, their babies and their partners have better care, better outcomes and are less traumatised.
I welcome any comment or feedback on these posts.
