06/03/2024
As we swiftly approach the ten year anniversary of the deaths of the crew, I cannot help but look back over all the life I have lived inside that time. And inside that time I have had other hard times that left me feeling unmoored and terribly sad. Losing Eric's mom and my dad in the span of six weeks at the end of 2021 was incredibly hard. I loved them so much then and I love them so much now. My dad was everything in my life. I am blessed that all I have are amazing memories with him- he was incredible.
I often think about how to get through hard times, really hard times without completely losing one's self. When the crew died that was life changing for me- for all of us. And with every year that comes new challenges and hardships come, too. We cannot escape that.
But what we can do is strengthen ourselves in the good times so that when the bad times come we are steady and we have developed good habits in which to cope.
Taking a good hard look at the bad habits we have is a great place to start. Becoming introspective so we can tell ourselves the truth and work hard to change course means that when the bad times come- and they will- we have a stronger keel to keep ourselves upright.
Talking with a therapist, finding trustworthy and wonderful people to share ourselves with, building community so we have support helps us stay steady in unsteady seas. Eating well and taking care of our physical bodies matters a lot, too. Loving our families and treating our spouses well. Engaging our minds, setting goals, seeking new adventures, working hard not to damage others- these are all so vital.
In the wildland fire service coping with life can be really hard because the schedule creates challenges. And the culture- though beautiful and awesome-can create challenges, too. We have to retain a piece of ourselves no matter how hard and how challenging it all can be- as firefighters and as close family of firefighters. For me identity is everything- who am I at my core? I am blessed to know the answer to that.
I have developed strong habits to keep myself steady- its what I call emotional fitness. I set goals and I engage in what I love, I have strong family ties and friends who I spend time with. I have people I tell everything to who protect my words so I can grow and heal. I hold dear who I have lost, but I don't let loss define me.
Think about these things in your life. How are you creating resilience?
