06/09/2022
I wrote this four years ago and am now writing from a safe distance but fragile as always.
Some of you already know this as your own truth. I have been at the edge of the cliff and stared deep into the abyss. So often that it’s a familiar and sometimes soothing place to go. It’s not the easy way out. It takes monstrous courage to take that next step and it’s often easier to creep a couple feet away. Yet you’re still there. You can see it all the time. Sometimes closer and sometimes it’s a little further away. Calling a hotline gets you a couple feet away. Counseling is a series of steps backwards. Yet you’re still facing the cliff.
There are moments when you can jump into a physical battle, mount a Blackhawk to chase drug runners, hunt down pedophiles, drug and arms traffickers, play a game of soccer, ride a bike or eat a good meal. These are all trips away from the edge. For some it’s drugs, whether it’s alcohol, he**in, ni****ne or a natural drug like adrenaline. But at the end your trip brings you back home and you’re again sitting on the meadow and staring at the cliff.
It takes someone special to sit with you and join you there. To tell you about the other world that’s behind you. To take your hand and touch the grass. To call you not because you’re in crisis at 2 am, but to call you and ask “How are you doing?” and then listen without judging. To give you a warm hug when you’re cold inside, then turn around and marvel at the wonders that have been happening behind you.
The reason Project Hero works to save lives is that it brings a huge group of brothers and sisters together. Over the first couple days it’s just a ride that takes you a little further away from the cliff. Then you start challenging and supporting each other to go a little further away. At the end of a Challenge there is a huge urge to run back to your place at the end of the cliff. A perverse spot of comfort and familiarity.
There has to be something and someone that soothes you more than staring at the cliff. Not one person but a tribe. A band of brothers (and sisters). No one person can pull anyone away. It will destroy that person to try.
As you’re reading this you will know if you are part of my tribe. Make memories away from your cliff. Do magical s**t with someone who cares. Listen when they call you out. Be there when they need you.
I will be here when you need me.