02/13/2022
Warning:: this is long!!!
I suppose there was never an official closer to this class and for that I apologize. We (and yes I mean we as in everyone whoever had a hand in making things happen.) We gave her a good go at it. 8 years to be exact. Looking back over those 8 years I’d have to say have been some of the very best moments of my life and some of my worst. I mean we are all human right and I think if you ever saw me in a class you surely knew I was no professional. Take the good with the bad they say so I did. Along the way I encountered meeting nearly over 7000 women. I’d be a fool not to mention some of them were the most amazing women I’ve ever met. Full of ideas and talents that they nor I shamefully ever gave them enough credit for. That doesn’t make them any less real or less important to me even if I didn’t know how to show it.
So why am I posting now after all this time? Some of you know and some of you don’t. But I let myself go. I could tell you all the excuses of why I did but if you know me you know my true thoughts on that. Excuses are like A******* and everybody’s got one.
But today when I got up today I decided you know what F my excuses and even though a doctor has backed me up medically for weight issues I said F that too because really don’t we just pay them to do that. We can pay them to make us skinny or we can pay them to find something wrong with us so we don’t feel so bad about ourselves. Not saying that’s the case for all but we know there is truth in that statement.
Anyway not my point I got up this morning and I said no more I turned on and old rehab workout playlist. One that I used to instruct. One that I was the leader of one that many of you followed me in and I looked good doing it too! If only I could see myself then the way I do now story if my life right!
I broke down and cried half way through 2 reason. 1 because I realized just how overweight & weak and just how far I had let myself go. Yes life happens s**t goes wrong but the one thing we have is ourself and that’s the first thing I let go of what a shame. And then number 2 the other reason I cried but was able to lift my head back up and keep going because yes I thought i was going to die. I thought of you all. How many times you said you couldn’t but yet you did. How many times you said no more squats and then you would do 50 more. A replay of so many moments in my head of things that so many women have overcome. And here was me the instructor to those moments crying on the floor telling myself I couldn’t do it.
It was your voice that told me I could today. It was you who helped keep me going through. It’s so hard when you know you were once so good at something and then you now think it will be the death of you lol. But it wasn’t I survived.
So thank you to those who have cared to read this.
No rehab probably will never be the same and considering I have moved a few hours away down south:) I’ve decided for on going support that so many of us need and a place to be open honest and true about how our life long journeys of health ,success, fitness, fat, and even our faith and failures I want this to be a place we can share together. No judgment no gossip no slandering one another just encouraging others when needed or helpful advice when asked for. Thank you for letting me share. Hopefully it helped someone today. If anything I know it helped me. God Bless Happy Sunday!!
