A Better Death

A Better Death We help the dying person plan for how they want their last days to look, sound & feel.

End-of-life doulas work with a dying person, their family, friends, and caregivers in the last months of life to support them emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

06/17/2026

Recently, our local Death Doula group was invited to present information about grief and loss to staff at the Sawtooth Mountain Clinic All Staff Education day. As I prepared, I thought a lot about how the staff might best support their patients and families who are grieving. Here is one tip that took me time to learn, first as a Social Worker, then as a teacher, and now as I support others in grief:

Allow others their sorrows! Our sorrows can be our greatest teachers. Often we offer our interpretation of the meaning or "gift" in another's painful situation. We have the best intention to comfort or advise. Yet I have learned through experience that I am most effective when I simply honor the "inner teacher" in others. People in grief will find THEIR OWN meaning in THEIR OWN losses and come to THEIR OWN insights on THEIR OWN timetable. This is how humans deeply integrate their life experience. This is how humans learn. This is how we grow. Now, I ask permission before offering my perspective and generally avoid sentences that begin with "You should". You should attend that grief group. You should read that book. You should be starting to get past the grief. You should. You should.

Honoring the Inner Teacher is hardest to remember with family and close friends! I am grateful for the lessons my family and past clients and students have taught me. Allow others to sit with their own experience. In time, they will come to their own interpretation and insights. It's been a good reminder for me!

Rita Koll
Hospital Chaplain/Death Doula

Finding Reasons to Stay Soft( in this hard world) Pass it on! By Matt MobergI think every human being eventually has a m...
05/29/2026

Finding Reasons to Stay Soft
( in this hard world)
Pass it on!

By Matt Moberg

I think every human being
eventually has a moment
where they are standing outside in sweatpants
that have lost the will to be pants,
holding a trash bag, a divorce, a parking ticket,
or some other receipt from the universe
that says, “surprise, this too is part of it.”

And then the sky bruises purple.

And the air touches your face
like it knows your whole story.

And suddenly you realize:

all the real is actually unreal.

The dirt.
The breath.
The weird little bones in your hands.
The fact that we are here,
on a floating rock with pollen counts,
paying bills,
missing dead people,
loving living people
who say “leaving now”
while still fully naked and looking for socks.

And still,
the moon clocks in.

No applause.
No benefits.
No note from management saying,
“Great work being ancient and luminous again.”

Just the moon,
working nights
like a single mother with no applause,
packing silver lunches
for every dark thing
that still has to rise.

Tell me that isn’t holy.
Tell me there is a better wordWendy Schütz Gustofson
than sacred
for the way light keeps returning
with no guarantee
we will actually stop and take note.

I know people who believe in therapy,
probiotics,
tarot,
twelve-step meetings,
manifestation journals,
and waiting exactly eleven minutes
before texting back
so they do not appear emotionally available,
even though their whole nervous system
is standing in the driveway holding flowers.

And underneath all of it,
every ritual,
every doctrine,
every smoothie with chia seeds,
the prayer is the same:

Please let me be loved.
Please let me be forgiven.
Please let this strange little life
mean something
before my lower back
submits its formal resignation.

What is going on?

For real tho—What is this place?

This unbearable tenderness
of being alive long enough
to watch steam lift from coffee in winter
like a soul practicing leaving.

To see your friend laugh so hard
they slap the table
as if joy is a mosquito
they are trying to kill.

To hear a child say “pisghetti”
and, for one shining second,
realize language
has finally been improved.

I know I already noted this in the first piece,
but the older I get,
the less use I have for certainty.

Certainty has never made me pull over
because the sunset looked like God
dropped a jar of peach jam
across the whole midwestern sky
and decided to be lazy
and not clean up.

Certainty has never made me gasp
at rain on hot pavement.

Certainty has never found me
in the cereal aisle,
holding Captain Crunch,
suddenly remembering
that everyone I have ever loved
was made from stardust,
hunger,
and a series of decisions
we probably should have slept on.

No.
It has always been awe.

Awe was the first church.

Before steeples.
Before committees.
Before men got involved
and started making rules about skirts.

Awe was there
with its wild hair
and muddy feet,
saying:

Look.
Look again.
Look until looking
becomes love.

Awe, and soup.

Awe, and someone rubbing your back
when you are sick.

Awe, and old couples at Target
arguing gently about avocados,
as if marriage is not one vow
but ten thousand errands
performed beside the person
who knows exactly
how you like the cart pushed.

Maybe gratitude
was never meant to sound elegant.

Maybe gratitude sounds like:

“Damn.
That woodpecker is trying
to beat that tree from itself.”

Maybe gratitude sounds like:

“Thank you, body,
for continuing to drag me through this world
despite the many slim jims
I have done to you
at gas stations.”

Maybe gratitude sounds like:

“Thank you to the dogs
who lose their entire minds
when we come home
as if we have returned from war
and not Walgreens.”

For me, that might be my gospel.

That joy that does not wait for us
to be impressive but only needs us
to come through the door.

Because the truth is,
this life is devastating.

And ridiculous.

One minute you are 22 and invincible,
driving too fast,
eating gas station nachos
with the confidence of a Greek god.

The next minute you are googling,
“Can sneezing cause a hamstring injury?”
and the answer is,
apparently,
“Welcome to the second half of your life.”

But even now—

even tired,
even grieving,
even emotionally held together
by iced coffee, playlists,
and one very specific wolves hoodie—

we keep finding reasons
to stay soft.

We plant tomatoes
even though grief is real.

We bake bread
even though the news is on fire.

We send photos of the sky
to people we love
with captions like,
“LOOK,”
as if beauty is an emergency
and we are all volunteer firefighters.

We keep saying,
“You have to see this,”
because wonder
is the oldest form
of resurrection.

So here’s to the believers
and the atheists
and the agnostics
and the people whose entire theology
is just trying not to cry
in the DMV line.

Here’s to the people clinging to faith.

Here’s to the people clinging to Xanax
and oat milk
and the one group chat
where nobody pretends to be okay.

Here’s to the tender-hearted weirdos.

The accidental mystics.

The ones who can contemplate mortality
for six straight hours
and then become emotionally attached
to a perfect peach.

The ones who know
despair has a mouth,
but so does laughter.

May we never stop being drop-kicked by beauty
in the middle of a Sunday afternoon.

May we never become so polished
that we forget how to stand
in the Starbucks line of existence
with our dumb, gorgeous hearts open,
feeling the enormity of it all
rattle around in our bones
like thunder
looking for somewhere to laugh.

And may we remember:

whatever else this is,
whatever mess,
whatever miracle,
whatever cosmic group project
no one was prepped for—

all’ve it is astonishing.
that we are here.
that we have loved enough to be ruined.
that the moon keeps showing up.
that bread exists.

So pass it on.

Tear off a piece
with your bare hands.

Take it in as you take it down.

And then go outside and look at that moon.

MM

“Thank You”
36x36
Oil on Canvas
Framed in Aspen Wood

This piece is open for bidding here:

By Matt Moberg Art

05/19/2026
04/19/2026

Thursday, April 23, 2026

Meeting the Spiritual and Emotional Challenges of Aging. with Rev. Anne Swallow Gillis. Our last workshop in our six-part End of Life Series. 11:30 Cook County Higher Education. Walk ins welcome.

Death Cafe 6:00 at The Hub. What happens when we talk about death openly, together? Often, fear softens. Curiosity grows. Life feels more vivid. A Death Cafe is a welcoming, confidential space to talk only about death as a natural part of being human.

HOPE. Grief banishes hope to the edges of our consciousness. The blackness envelopes us. We wonder how we can survive th...
03/21/2026

HOPE. Grief banishes hope to the edges of our consciousness. The blackness envelopes us. We wonder how we can survive the day…visit this Y. Take in the Hope Chair and feel in your heart the promise of a future, different, but real.

Tomorrow,  February 26th, 6 PM at The Hub.   Join us to share your grief, thoughts, feelings, and questions with others ...
02/25/2026

Tomorrow, February 26th, 6 PM at The Hub. Join us to share your grief, thoughts, feelings, and questions with others in a confidential, caring space. This month Barbara, a medium, will discuss her experiences in communicating with spirtis and the dead. Join us.

02/12/2026

Think about this..,

A hard, but essential, read.
12/31/2025

A hard, but essential, read.

A bereaved mother’s case against our grief-phobic culture.

12/30/2025

TONIGHT!
POP UP GRIEF CAFE
6 PM @ THE HUB!

12/29/2025

Jim Carrey once spoke about grief in a way that stopped many people cold. Not because it was poetic, but because it was painfully familiar. He said grief is not just an emotion. It is an unraveling. A place where someone lived in your heart, and now they are gone.
Anyone over fifty knows this truth too well. You have buried parents. Friends. Spouses. Siblings. Sometimes even children. Loss is not a chapter you close. It is a room you walk past every day.
At first, grief feels violent. It hits your chest when you wake up. It follows you into quiet rooms. It shows up in grocery store aisles, in old songs on the radio, in empty chairs at family gatherings. People around you move on with their lives, and inside you want to scream because your world stopped, yet no one noticed.
Then time passes. Not because you wanted it to. Not because you were ready. Time passes anyway.
The pain does not disappear. It changes. The sharp edges dull, but the weight stays. You stop crying every day, but the ache settles deeper. You learn how to carry it to work, to birthdays, to holidays. You smile while holding something broken inside, and no one sees it.
Here is the part people rarely say out loud. You never move on. You move with it.
The love you had does not die. It shows up when you laugh and then feel sad for laughing. It shows up when you reach for the phone and remember there is no one to call. It lives in old photos, in familiar smells, in habits you still cannot break. That love stays because it was real.
And that is not weakness.
Grief is not something to hide. It is not something to be embarrassed by. It is proof that your heart was brave enough to love deeply. In a world that teaches people to stay guarded, you loved anyway. That matters.
There is no schedule for grief. Anyone who tells you there is has never truly lost someone. Some days you feel steady. Other days one small memory brings you to your knees. Both days are normal.
If you are grieving now, do not rush yourself. Do not let anyone tell you it is time to be over it. Let yourself remember. Let yourself miss them. Let yourself feel angry, grateful, broken, and still standing.
Healing does not mean forgetting. Healing means learning how to hold love and loss in the same hands. And if you are still here carrying both, it means your heart is stronger than you think.

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