09/10/2026
LINCOLN COUNTY ORDERS DEER STANDS TO MEET RESIDENTIAL BUILDING CODES
Officials discover several hunting shacks offer better accommodations than most Merrill apartments
By DeaDon — who was removed from the zoning meeting after describing his pants as a mixed-use "development!"
MERRILL, WI (MDH) — Hundreds of Lincoln County deer stands may soon require residential building permits after inspectors discovered that local hunters have quietly transformed the traditional plywood box into what officials are calling “unlicensed seasonal condominiums with gun windows.”
The investigation began when County Inspector Gary “Load-Bearing Brat” Juedes visited a wooded property outside Merrill expecting to examine a collapsing ladder. Instead, he discovered a two-story hunting complex equipped with electricity, indoor plumbing, satellite television, a cedar sauna, and a wet bar featuring seventeen Wisconsin b**rs and one dusty bottle of something labeled “Emergency Canadian.”
“This isn’t a deer stand,” Juedes said, measuring a heated balcony overlooking the swamp. “This is a split-level bachelor fortress wearing camouflage.”
The owner, Dennis “Scope Creep” Krombholz, insists every amenity is essential to the ancient discipline of sitting completely still while consuming beef sticks.
“You need the hot tub to keep your core temperature stable,” Krombholz explained. “The satellite dish tracks deer movement. Sometimes the deer movement happens during the Packers game, so you’ve got to track both.”
Officials condemned the structure after determining that its b**r refrigerator blocked the emergency raccoon exit and its homemade elevator consisted of a La-Z-Boy attached to an ATV winch. Investigators also found a finished basement, granite countertops, six recliners, and a suspiciously elegant guest bedroom called “The Doe Suite.”
The controversy widened when another deer stand appeared online as a vacation rental offering panoramic swamp views, complimentary venison sticks, and “occasional gunfire included at no additional charge.” Its $219 nightly rate immediately caused nearby property assessments to triple.
Local hunter Earl “Tree Mortgage” Schnurbusch fears the regulations will destroy a sacred Wisconsin tradition.
“My grandpa hunted from an upside-down feed bucket,” Earl said from inside his climate-controlled observation loft. “He’d be ashamed of this government interference, although he’d probably appreciate the heated toilet seat.”
In an unexpected development, four deer attended Tuesday’s zoning meeting and filed objections to the stands. Through an interpreter, they demanded privacy curtains, quieter generators, and an end to hunters watching them through bathroom windows.
County supervisors postponed enforcement after realizing half the inspectors owned illegal deer stands themselves. A special committee will investigate immediately following hunting season, ice-fishing season, and whichever season allows officials to avoid doing it altogether.
