11/10/2020
Life can really suck sometimes. Depression doesnt help. Thank you God of Fire by for helping to give me what I needed to lift a weight I haven't attempted since I got told I have cancer in May. Wraps only and it was easy. It was easy bc the hate I had been harboring for months at everything finally came out. The hate towards my cancer. The hate towards developing depression and it getting worse. The hate towards the fact that it took me till last week to recognize it and go seek help. The hate towards the downward spiral and slowing losing myself as a father, husband, friend, trainer, student, and soldier. The hate towards watching everything I enjoy and love doing submerge into near nothingness. 405lbs...not close to a PR but after I put the weight down...for a split second I didnt feel the darkness. I miss the light. I miss looking at my business flag and being immensely proud. I miss smiling and actually feeling it not just going through the motion. The smile in the last pic is definitely forced. Hopefully soon that wont be the case anymore and ill be able to see the light more than the darkness again. Get help sooner than later. CBF out.