12/01/2025
Ugh
Dear Blueberry,
I love you. I don’t know how to start this with any other words. I knew of course this day would come, but I don’t think I could ever be ready for it. And I’m sitting here, summoning up the courage to write this, knowing I’ll never have the words, knowing they’ll never be enough, but wanting to share something anyway because so many people loved you and it just feels like the right thing to do. You have been and still are so loved.
You have been my constant, my rock. Through the highest highs and the lowest lows, your gentle presence, your steady heartbeat, the silent moments we shared together have been my everything, the place I could always go to. In those quiet moments we had so many conversations without words; you loved me completely, as I am. You saw my heart and I yours.
I’ve never sat on a horse like you, Blueberry. It was always your heart and your mind that made you the best. We grew together, learned together, believed together. You would enter the arena and just know how special you were - I could feel you grow. The hush of the crowd as everyone turned to look at you. It would make me sit a little taller, shoulders back, head up - I just wanted to do you proud, to show the world what you were capable of; I could feel every muscle in your body move, every breath you took, every shiver of excitement and we would just melt into each other, it was like you could hear my heart speak and I yours. A partnership that everyone talks about, but you can’t really know until you’ve experienced it. And we danced Blueberry, didn’t we dance…
You transformed our sport, yes. The London Olympics was the greatest stage and we had no idea how our worlds would change, just a girl and a horse, trying our best.
But the biggest gift of all was the amount of joy you brought to this world. You made people smile every single day of your life. What a rare and special gift that is. You were born to do it, you always knew who needed extra care - so gentle with my children and the many others who met you, particularly those unwell. Seeing eyes light up - what a difference you made. To those who were able to meet you, even if just passing by, you gave hope, love and belief - you genuinely changed people’s lives, just with a touch, a nuzzle, warm breath on a face; just by being you. I’m so glad William and Isabella met you - they will grow up knowing your name, hearing stories about you, looking at pictures and videos of you. You will live on, not just in theirs, but in so many peoples’ hearts, and that gives me great happiness - you deserve to, and will be, remembered forever.
You chose me. And I was forever yours. I don’t know why, or how, but I thank my lucky stars you did. Our story is one that anyone who’s ever loved a horse can relate to - far beyond the medals and the talent, the reason to keep going, the reason we get up in the morning and do what we do, for the simple love of a horse.
You have been, and always will be, my one in a million and it has been the honour of my life to be not only your dance partner but best friend. The magic we had, no one can take from us, and we will dance again one day.
I feel you with me, I know you’re here. I saw a robin after I’d finished my tests the other day - just sitting quietly nearby, watching. Joined by a second before both flying off. You and Uti, always side by side, together always. I miss you both, more than I can say. The robin stayed just long enough for me to know you were there with me. It lifts me, and I will always look for you.
I love you Blueberry.
With every inch of my heart.
Forever and always.
My beautiful, best boy x
