11/04/2026
This is a two-part post.
Part 1
First running race of the year!
Last year, my friends were running this local St. Patrick's Day 5k. I was running again post-injury but still dealing with the ramifications and wasn't anywhere close to doing speed work, so I spectated and cheered them on.
This year, shocker, my foot had decided it wanted to start giving me issues again right after I'd already signed up for this race, so again, I had done barely any speed work. Despite knowing I wouldn't put out a time I wanted to, I decided to still race, because at least this year I'd be joining my friends and not sitting on the sidelines.
My race plan was pretty much the same as it would have been even with more training: take it out hard and try not to die. And it was definitely a fight. The first mile felt great, but I hadn't held that time for more than, like, 30 seconds in the past two years, and then came the hills, on which I left my soul. For the entirety of the final mile, I felt a heart attack was imminent, but pushed on and ended up just over 24 minutes, which is pretty excellent for me not having done speed-specific training.
The best part was the post-race experience: hanging around and celebrating Rory's second place overall for the second year in a row, cheering Cristin to the finish, chatting with other friends, and slamming some pancakes (best post-race food option in the history of post-race foods).
Part 2
I hate this first photo.
Gaining weight as part of REDs recovery has been 100% necessary, and I am undoubtedly healthier than I was a year and a half ago. But it doesn't come without its struggles.
My weight has fluctuated substantially over the years, from binge eating to restricting food and everywhere in between. I've been larger than I am now, and I've been a lot smaller. I don't know if I believe there's ONE healthy weight for an individual; I feel like I've been healthy in a body that's somewhere in between where I am now and far too small. Though I haven't binged in about a decade, I wonder if my intake now actually exceeds my training, taking things in the other direction.
This is difficult to reconcile and talk about, due to the sensitive issue of weight/losing weight especially when it comes to REDs. I don't have an answer or an action plan right now, and I know there could very well be some body dysmorphia coming into play. But at the moment, I don't like myself. I'm choosing to post it and write about it anyway, because recovery is messy and there are a lot of layers to work through. So that's where I am right now.