09/07/2026
The Door Doesn't Have to Slam
I had a little life-teaching moment this weekend about apologies.
I had hired someone I had never worked with before to provide a service at a fairly major event. And then, quite simply, they didn’t show up.
A week later, I received a text apologizing, with no explanation, and saying they hoped we might work together again in the future.
I didn't respond right away.
Not because I was angry. I just wasn't quite sure how to respond.
I knew the truth: I would not be working with this person again. But I also didn't want to respond from a place of punishment or resentment. I wanted to be kind without pretending that what had happened didn't matter.
As I sat with it, a few things became clear.
First, this person is traveling their own journey. Whatever led them to make the choices they made is theirs to understand and work through. I don't need to add drama or angst to that journey.
But neither do I need to pretend that their choices had no consequences.
Their actions affected me. They affected an important event. And I am allowed to take that information into account when deciding who I trust with future opportunities.
Caring doesn't mean being walked on.
And then there was another realization: If I took it upon myself to be harsh or reprimand her, that would be about my journey, not hers.
I didn't need to explain everything her absence had cost me. I didn't need to lecture her about responsibility or make sure she fully understood the consequences of her actions. Her own conscience, reflection, and experience will do that far better than I ever could.
So I kept my response short, truthful, and kind.
I acknowledged the apology. I didn't pretend I was interested in working together again. And then I let it go.
There's something freeing about realizing that we don't have to choose between being kind and being discerning.
We can accept an apology without reopening a door.
We can wish someone well without inviting them back in.
We can recognize that someone is doing the best they know how—and still decide that their best isn't aligned with our own needs.
And perhaps most importantly, we can allow people to experience the natural consequences of their choices without making ourselves responsible for delivering the lecture.
Sometimes the kindest response isn't to fix, explain, punish, or teach.
Sometimes it's simply to tell the truth with kindness...
and let the other person continue on their journey.
With love and resonance,
Carin
yogoonthego.com