09/09/2026
One of the saddest things I see in youth sports is when a child’s journey slowly becomes the parent’s dream.
Good parents and good coaches should push kids.
We should challenge them to train when they feel lazy, compete when they are nervous, face difficult situations and step outside their comfort zone.
That is part of growth.
But there is a big difference between pushing a child to become stronger and forcing a child to carry an adult’s expectations.
The problem starts when everything becomes about results.
Gold medal? Great.
Silver or bronze? Not good enough.
No medal? Disappointment.
Then come the criticism, the arguments with referees, complaints about the rules, the tournament, the coaches, the opponents and sometimes even anger toward the child.
There always seems to be someone to blame.
But we need to remember something:
Being an athlete is hard. Winning is even harder.
Many of the adults demanding perfection have never experienced what that child is experiencing.
They have never stood alone before a competition with their heart pounding.
They have never trained for months and lost in a few minutes.
They have never had to shake the hand of someone who just beat them.
They have never learned how to come back Monday after losing on Saturday.
That is where the real value of sports lives.
Of course we should push our kids.
Of course we should expect discipline, commitment, effort and accountability.
And yes, we should encourage them to compete, especially when fear is the only thing holding them back.
But medals should never be the only measurement of success.
Sports can teach a child confidence, determination, consistency, discipline and resilience.
It teaches them how to win with humility and lose with dignity.
It teaches them to be a good teammate, to help others improve, to celebrate someone else’s success and to keep working when things don’t go their way.
Those lessons will stay with them much longer than any medal.
Our job as parents and coaches is not to remove every uncomfortable moment.
It is to teach kids how to face uncomfortable moments.
But we also have to make sure the pressure comes from a desire to help them grow not from our own ego, frustration or unfinished dreams.
Push them to become better.
Challenge them.
Hold them accountable.
Teach them not to quit just because something is difficult.
But never make them believe that their value depends on a podium.
Because the biggest tragedy in youth sports isn’t losing a tournament.
It’s watching a child who once loved the sport lose that love because the adults made winning more important than growth.
Raise strong athletes.
But more importantly, raise strong people.
The medal will eventually sit in a drawer.
The person they become will last a lifetime.
Prof Rafael Ellwanger
