06/04/2026
Her grandson transferred the tapes last Christmas.
She hadn't seen the footage
since it was recorded.
1988. She was 30.
At the peak of a career
she was too busy living
to watch.
She sat with the phone for a long time.
She watched herself compete at 30
the same way she watched
her students compete for forty years.
Clinically. Looking for the thing.
She found things.
She found a habit in her left shoulder
she'd corrected by 32
that she'd never been able
to describe to students
until she saw it here.
She found the thing her coach
used to say she couldn't do
that she clearly was doing.
She made note of both.
She also found something she didn't expect.
The 30-year-old on the screen
looked like someone
who was completely inside
what she was doing.
No distance. No holding back.
All of it, given.
She watched it three times.
Then she put the phone down.
Her grandson asked what she thought.
She said: "I was better than I remembered."
He said: "You always said you were inconsistent."
She said: "I was wrong.
I was scared I was inconsistent.
Different things."
She looked at the arena around her.
At her current students warming up.
She knew exactly what to tell them now. ðŸ¤
