07/01/2020
Dear 2020,
I’ve seen some things in my 37.5 years. I’ve experienced loss, major illness, divorce, being suicidal, my current marriage coming back from the dead, back stabbing “friends” who helped in trying to destroy my marriage - y’all the real mvps 🙄, addiction, the excruciating pain of heartbreak (the kind that takes a lifetime to heal from), abandonment, neglect...hell, I spent my childhood being sexually abused by my best friend’s brother - and despite it all there was always hope.
I didn’t ever foresee myself homeschooling my children, wearing masks in public being the “norm”, not being able to hug friends or say goodbye to loved ones as they passed.
Since March 19th (when Ohio got the “call” that schools were closing for the foreseeable future) I thought, “no problem, I can handle this”.
When my uncle passed away on April 9th - alone in the hospital begging for help (he left messages on my voicemail as he died) I thought, “I can handle this”.
When our household income was zero dollars for 2.5 months I thought, “I can handle this”.
When I saw the faces of my black brothers and sisters protesting for their LIVES I thought, “we can handle this together”
As most of you know, I live with clinical depression and anxiety. Every day is a FIGHT to keep going. To get out of bed. To not cry for unknown reasons.
Friends. I always want to be a source of light in the world, a reminder that, “you too can handle this”. But today I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. I’m struggling to see how we will handle all of this. I’m SICK of the political hatred in our country. I’m SICK of people pointing fingers instead of taking care of their own issues first. Our world is so broken right now that my soul hurts.
I’m an empath and I transfer emotion when I see others hurting. I promise to keep pushing forward but know that I too am struggling to find the joy in life.
not