04/28/2024
As I drove to the rink to compete today, I connected to what this is for. I've competed in different disciplines throughout my life. This one felt different. When I was a young girl, I felt like I had to prove myself to the world because I always felt small and unworthy. So, I thought that medals made me claim validation that I was enough. The reality is that I was an overachiever and it wasn't a good thing. I was dead inside.
This competition was different. As I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror this morning getting ready, my soul was at peace. It felt like a blessing to be able to be in this moment doing what would make the 7 year old version of me, me at 30 years old, and the 90 year old version of me proud. I felt complete. Competing at this stage of my life is a testament to my own personal growth and knowing that I am deserving and worthy. My mission going into this competition was to inspire young girls and others who feel like their dreams aren't worth it or that have ever questioned if they're worthy of earning what they want. I share these medals with anyone who has ever felt less than enough and tried to sabotage their success.
All I wanted to do today was to give the performance of my life. One that was better than I thought I would do. To an extent, I did achieve that. My biggest fear today was falling. I didn't feel like I gave it my complete all because of that. However, I am still very happy with my performance and getting through it even though it was far less than my best and less than what I know I'm capable of. I've struggled with injuries over the last year that cost me several months of practice. Recently, I fell very hard on my tailbone and it still is uncomfortable when I skate daily and when I practice my jumps. It especially hurts more after I fall. I still get to leave the day a winner regardless of what my scores or medals because I showed up and I had full control of myself and my emotions. Walking away achieving a goal of competing this year is a win in itself and got me to live my purpose.