06/21/2022
White Sox Unleash Full Arsenal of Losing Baseball, Still Prevail over Indians
CLEVELAND - Today’s tilt between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago White Sox finally settled humanity’s ages-old question, “what happens inside a tiny car crammed with 50 clowns?” as the Pale Hose outlasts the Tribes 5-3 in front of a crowd of 23,000 slack jawed fans despite only getting 5 hits, committing 4 errors and being skippered by the most inept manager in the league.
As they have all season, the White Sox climaxed very early, scoring 3 runs in the first two frames. Indians hurler Al Milnar struggled to find the plate as he issued 3 consecutive walks to bring Pete Hill home who lead off the game with a double. Cleveland, finding the Chicago philosophy of play too intoxicating to resist, gifted the Southsiders with two more runs in the 2nd. Milnar walked 2 more batters and gave up a bloop single to Wild Bill Wright which loaded the bases with one out. Buck Leonard then lifted Milnar’s fastball out to right field that Willard Brown lost in the sun, bringing home 2 and giving Chicago the 3-0 lead.
White Sox starter Johnny Rigney pitched solidly, keeping Indians traffic to a dull roar by striking out 3, walking 2 and surrendering a single while shortstop Luke Appling committed one of his 2 errors of the day.
Then in the top of the 5th, the greatest chess match between two Major League Baseball managers took place, except one was playing chess and the other Shoots and Ladders. With the Sox batting, Homer Johnson hit a single and moved to 2nd when Milnar walked Taffy Wright. Two outs later, Milnar issued his eighth free pass of the game, walking Billy Knickerbocker to load the bases, bringing up the pitcher’s spot. White Sox skipper Weber, desperate for a few more runs to give his beleaguered squad a little cheer as they prepare entry into the abattoir of the postseason, decided to pinch hit for Rigney with the aging slugger Moose Solters. Cleveland manager Lutz had seen enough, and retaliated by calling for righty Jim Bagby to take the ball. Weber chuckled, muttering gutterally, “you have fallen into my trap!” and called back Solters and sent out Ben Chapman, his righty killer. Lutz burst into laughter and pulled off his mask, revealing himself to be none other than the Devil and chortled, “pitiful human worm! Check and mate!” as he removed Bagby from the mound and replaced him with southpaw Harry Eisenstat, knowing that Chapman was utterly helpless against lefties. Weber’s face fell as he realized he forgot that the Cleveland pen was a breeding ground for lefties. With the grace of an exposed charlatan, he wanely replaced Chapman with Dario Lodgiani. Now, the final pieces of this drama were finally moved into place, leading to the thrilling resolution!
Lodgiani flew out to Oscar Charleston in center. And the Sox’ woes were just beginning.
Taking over for Rigney was seldom used paperweight Bill Dietrich, and an audible sigh of relief reverberated throughout the Cleveland dugout. Dietrich gave up singles to the first three batters he faced, with Jeff Heath’s safety sending pinch hitter Roy Heatherly home. Then, with runners on the corners, Dietrich muffed a comebacker from Hal Trotsky, allowing Charleston to score from 3rd. And in the 6th, Home Run Johnson reached base on Appling’s second error, advanced to 3rd after two infield outs to first, and then scored when pitcher Al Smith hit a ball out to center that Hill also lost in the sun, and Cleveland tied the game at 3-3.
But as madness rushes in, it too must also recede. In their half of the 7th, Chicago uncharacteristically showed some grit. Mike Tresch, replacing Heavy Johnson at catcher for defensive purposes, led off with a double in his first AB of the season. He would come home one batter later on Joe Kuhel’s triple, and Kuhel would score on pinch hitter Mike Kreevich’s double to give a very rare late inning lead that the Sox would hold on to. Weber then turned to his ace fireman Johnny Humphries and he silenced the Cleveland lumber for the remainder of the game.
In the 9th, Weber wanted to replaced his stone gloved 3rd baseman Kuhel with Bob Kennedy, only to be reminded by the opposition that Kennedy (who he had yet to use this season) was not even on the team anymore, and suddenly realized that the man who he thought was Kennedy was just a pile of dirty laundry left on the bench wearing a ballcap. Weber’s only other third baseman was…Dario Lodgiani, who he burned in his ineffectual battle of wits with Lutz. So Kuhel stayed in, but it didn’t hurt the Pale Hosers lurch to victory.
Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than to be good.
