02/07/2026
HOW CONSENT/EMOTIONAL BASED TRAINING ALMOST MADE ME QUIT HORSES
First of all, let’s clarify what consent based training is. It is basically respecting when the horse says no and then trying to figure out why they said no and breaking it down to the point where we get them comfortable enough to say yes.
What does this mean, this means that we are saying that the horse has the ability to rationalize and make a choice.
This means that if the horse does not want the saddle that day or that moment through cues and behavior that the horse has given, we respect that and choose to try to find the reason why the horse does not want the saddle on that day or at all.
And basically our whole training philosophy is based on if the horse is comfortable with it or not, and if not, we go down the rabbit hole of trying to find the reason why.
Now let me explain why it almost made me quit horses. And I am being dead serious.
When I started training, I started very much with a Clinton Anderson style of training, and then as I trained more and more horses that were very difficult and had a lot of trauma or had some extreme behavior problems, I found that that method didn’t necessarily work for all of them.
And so then I started looking more into different types of training methods that worked more on the mental and psychological side of things. I learned a lot, and I learned a lot about how to read horses, but the short answer is, I trained horses for the public. And when you follow a consent based form of training, sometimes it’s just not feasible to do it for the public in a timeline that is needed to get a horse safe enough for an amateur owner. Which left me feeling a ton of stress. Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Also, when we go down the rabbit hole of consent based training, and we start giving human emotions to the horse and believing that they actually feel those, we start doubting ourselves that we actually know how to train a horse or even how to halter one. We start to take on the emotional baggage that the horse has because we feel bad for the horse and what we’re putting them through. We become empathetic to their situation so much so, to the point where we don’t want to cause them any hardship or cause them to feel any stress. We want everything to be soft, calm and easy for them all the time. Thats just not life.
And for me when I started feeling this way, it became so heavy that it really made it difficult for me to work with horses at all. I started resenting going out and working with them and I resented being around them if they had any kind of anxiety or any kind of problem.
I basically got to the point that I decided that if I could not be myself around my horses and how I truly wanted them to act and how I wanted to act to their feedback, then I just couldn’t handle having horses or working with them.
Some people might call it burn out and I think it was a big part of it but consent based training was turning me into somebody that I wasn’t and it was making me extremely unhappy. I tried believing that it was better for me and better for the horses. That it put less pressure on me and made things easier.
But in the long run, all it did was make me more frustrated when I was working with a horse and made me feel like I was unable to accomplish anything with them. I wasn’t able to detach myself emotionally from the horse because that type of training requires you to be emotionally present. Therefore it makes you emotionally drained all the time. Or at least it did for me. Maybe others have been able to juggle it better than I.
However, long story, short, this past fall. I finally decided that if I was going to train and be around horses again, I needed to do it the way that I wanted to and how I felt that it was the most fulfilling for me. Otherwise there was no point in doing it.
I know people say that they do it for the horse, but there’s a part of them that they do it for themselves too. And if the training philosophy they follow doesn’t align with who they truly are, in the end it will just leave them, drained, tired, and resentful.
So, I believe that I have reached a point where I am enjoying it to a certain extent again because I get to be who I want to be. I’m training for me. Doesn’t mean that I don’t care about the horses. But it means that I am not going to anthropomorphize with them and I’m not going to put human emotions on them. They are animals that react because of instinct. And what they give me is feedback based on their instinct, and therefore, I will train them that way.
I am thankful for the experiences and training philosophies that I learned and followed because I learned a lot, but ultimately, I have to do what is right for me and align with who I am and who I am continuing to grow into.
And that honestly goes for anything.
Because if you are trying to become something that you think you want to become, but it’s not who you were truly meant to be, you will be extremely unhappy until you come back into the person you were meant to be.