01/30/2024
The Real Bullies
1/30/24
To whom it may concern,
Not too long ago, an unfortunate event happened with Idaho High School Wrestling. Not knowing all of the intimate details of the incident, and only going by what I have seen and heard online, I make no claim to speak of things I do not know and I’m simply relying on what’s available online. Which we all know can often be unreliable at best. The incident involved a father/coach going onto the mat where I believe it was his son wrestling another opponent. He did so because he seemed to believe his son/wrestler was at risk of serious injury and after alerting the referee to as much, and not getting a desired response from the ref, he took matters into his own hands. At this point, he goes out on the mat, attempts (successfully) to separate the wrestlers, seems to immediately understand his wrongdoing, and rapidly leaves the mat in a very guilty, embarrassed and apologetic demeanor. It is important to note that the entire incident took about 8 seconds, with the coach on the mat less than 5. Also, important to note that as odd as this may seem, the coach, while off the mat, was literally just a couple of feet from the action. In separating the wrestlers, the coach appears to grab the opposing wrestler with his left hand and to strike him with his right. There were at least 2 camera angles of the incident, and the second shows clearly that what appeared to be punching from the first angle, was actually a couple of firm open-handed shots to the mid side of the opposing wrestler in an attempt to separate the two. The event seems to end quickly, with both wrestlers seemingly fine, Dad/coach gone, and everyone from wrestlers, fans, ref and others, living the benign shock of a moment like this.
So here we go, enter the “Bullies”. My son with Downs Syndrome did his Senior Project a few years back on bullying. He was a big hit during his assembly type presentations for the elementary, middle and high schoolers. It included skits of students being mean to one another, and others stepping in to do the right thing, question and answer periods and such. It was very PC, enjoyed by all, I also believe impactful and unfortunately, most importantly, way off the mark and incomplete. The biggest bullies we will and always have faced are the folks around us, (whether we are still in school or out) who are supposedly the “adults in the room”. Unfortunate, they too often are not.
I have been around youth and college wrestling for over 5 glorious decades. I’ve seen plenty of crazy things on and off the mat. There are a lot of idiots out there. If you believe you are not one of them, just have your kid wrestle, you’ll become one. In fact, if your child participates in any youth sports and you don’t lean that way at least just a little, you may want to question your attributes as a parent. I once had the mother of one of the young wrestlers I was coaching, state: “I don’t like this sport, there’s too much drama!”. She was obviously wrong. Fore their can never be too much drama! We fill stadiums to watch our youth compete. Regardless of the sport, no one is showing up to meditate or to find inner peace. We’re showing up for the drama! The issues arrive because some of us don’t handle the drama as well as others, or in some cases, haven’t been put in the situations that those we deem, “out of control idiots,” may have been put in.
Back to our unfortunate wrestling event. It’s not hard to find the bullies. Read the headlines: Idaho Dad Punches…, Banned For Life…, Police Investigate…. . I watched a local news cast. The lead up had me ready for round 12 of Rocky 2. The Idaho High School Athletic Association (IHSAA) has a long history of not being the adult in the room. The IHSAA and its Executive Director, Ty Jones, had a choice. So did Rocky Mountain High School, the Press, Nyssa Wrestling, wrestling fans, and internet trolls. Even the other wrestler and his parents. That choice?, was to deal with the situation in a legitimate compassionate way. Where a penalty if necessary, I repeat, if necessary, fits the crime and to bring a peaceful end to an awkward situation. Or to decide to bring out the shovels and pitchforks, the cross and the nails, and make the worst of it. Punishments that affect the now, that will ultimately be productive to all parties are legit. When they become mean-spirited simply to be so, enter the “Bullies”. You can always easily tell Bullying in such affairs from not simply by asking: Does the penalty offer a way back? Is there an opportunity for the penalized to redeem themselves in the shortest of terms? If not, the crime is either too reprehensible or the judges are.
Someone who misbehaves as a coach should have to pay a price as a coach, I get it. That “price” when possible should also be productive by nature if possible. There are a lot of penalties you could impose on a coach, way short of a lifetime ban from the sport, that would ultimately improve their sport. Unfortunately, IHSAA has a history of bullying, and my family and I have been extremely negatively affected by their mean-spirited adultless-room actions in the past. Just because IHSAA are and do what they do, does not mean the rest of us shouldn’t speak up in opposition to their actions. Maybe I’m missing something here. If there is a track record here (no pun intended) that Dad has a history of bad habits, then I’ll stand corrected. Having seen nor heard any, I can only assume that it’s simply 2024 Adult Bullying 101.
What happened on the mat that day was wrong in so many ways. We had an illegal hold across the neck. I won’t say dangerous, don’t want too much drama. We had a ref who was far from his prime. I mean no disrespect, and I appreciate his participations in our youth athletics. But the fact is, he was way slow to respond. We have a father/coach, who is not only really close to the action, he is also extremely experienced and absolutely in the best position to see the issue and unfortunately, in the best position to respond. We have multiple camera angles, but as usual these days, with a desired narrative, we are forced to look at the one that makes the situation appear it’s worst.
I’ve coached thousands of matches, and seen some really scary things out there. But let’s be clear, it is legalized fighting. Practices can be extremely physical and not necessarily palatable for everyone. Adults are mixing it up with youth all the time. And need to be. It’s a necessary part of the sport. It’s what makes wrestlers different than other athletes, for the rest of their lives. They learn early what “having it tough really means”. Famous wrestler and coach Dan Gable put it this way: “Once you’ve wrestled, everything else in life is easy”. I would find it very hard to believe that anything that Dad did physically to the opposing wrestler had any physical effects whatsoever. In fact, if that were either of my sons who was the opposing wrestler, my son and I would have tracked down the Dad and let him know that all was well and that there were no hard feelings. I don’t have any idea if the opposition did any such thing or not. That would be their personal decisions. Unfortunately, we need only look at the date preceding this writing and know that such humility is not acceptable in this time and place. We must overreact, demonize and bully to the fullest extent simply for the sake bullying itself.
In the end, Dad’s ban will most likely stand. And the Adult-less powers that be will, remain pompous and forthright in their decisions. And what about Dad? Obviously remorseful and embarrassed. But that’s not good enough. Banned from a sport he probably loves and is incredibly good at. Banned from coaching other kids in the sport. Banned from watching his children compete. How mean-spirited is that?! One thing he can always hold his head high about is the fact that when his child/wrestler faced a perceived danger, he reacted swiftly and appropriately, and that truly is the sign of a good father and coach.
-Steve Zettel
Challis, Idaho
