02/21/2026
🥇 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo — Desert Olympic Games
Nashville Dirty Birds | Team #523
Tucson, AZ • February 14–15, 2026
WWF ANNOUNCER VOICE:
Ladies and gentlemen — from across the world, from mall walkways to mountain trails, from RV command centers to portable restrooms - against all medical advice, hydration science, and any modicum of common sense, the HBR Nashville Dirty Birds successfully completed the 2026 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo.
No podiums were threatened.
No course records were harmed.
One Cruise America oil pan may have been sacrificed.
The desert survived us. Barely.
Congratulations Team #523 — the Hattie B's Nashville Dirty Birds.
🏁 Opening Ceremony Recap
In a global field of 2,000+ competitors and a community of 4,000+ riders and supporters, the members of this year’s Nashville Dirty Birds entered the games registered for the 5-Person Co-Ed division (Total Ages 250+), flying the proud sponsor banner of Hattie B’s Racing.
Their mission?
To compete with honor, endure with grit, and accumulate mileage slower than their metabolism but faster than their recovery.
🥉 The Athletes & Their Events
🎽 David Bradbury — Endurance Specialist
Opened his Olympic campaign with a 1:11:47 lap, setting the pace for Team Dirty Birds.
Night laps and early morning efforts cemented his status as the engine.
Analyst note:
“He didn’t just ride — he paced with dignity… the kind usually reserved for men who don’t yet realize there are three laps left.”
🎽 Amanda Ragle — Steady State Dynamo
Entering the Desert Games having not actually ridden a bike in six months, Amanda delivered calm, consistent rotations through both daylight and darkness — a performance that stunned analysts and deeply unsettled the men who had been “training.”
Her lap times told a story of rhythm, composure, and desert resolve — the kind typically achieved through preparation, but in this case apparently powered by muscle memory and stubborn refusal.
While others oscillated between confidence and quiet regret, Amanda simply clipped in and executed.
Notably, in the hours preceding competition, her well-documented alter ego — The Tequila Fairy — materialized inside the RV, bearing a bottle of refined cactus water and dispensing what team officials described as “pre-fuel hydration.”
Sports scientists are still evaluating the protocol.
Broadcaster Quote:
“Amanda’s performance embodies Olympic heart — steady, unflappable, and somehow faster than riders who had actually been training.”
🎽 Phil Benavides — Fast Lap Contender
Clocked one of the team’s fastest efforts at 1:09:44, briefly causing confusion in the analytics department and raising uncomfortable questions about whether the Dirty Birds might accidentally appear competitive.
For several glorious minutes, Phil rode with the posture and cadence of a man who believed there might be television coverage. He approached elite status — right up until he remembered this was a 24-hour relay in the Arizona desert, not the Champs-Élysées.
Widely regarded as the rider most likely to initiate a high-speed cactus tango, Phil navigated the technical sections with both confidence and what can only be described as selective restraint — somehow avoiding a full thorn exchange.
Analyst Note:
“He rode like a man chasing glory… and narrowly escaped botany.”
🎽 Michael “Captain T” Puchowicz — Night Shift Warrior
A true Desert Games veteran, Captain T has competed in more than 15 editions of 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo — including a pinnacle solo performance of 16 laps in a single 24-hour effort, alone, unassisted, and likely slightly unwell.
A former solo luminary, he returned in relay form not out of necessity, but out of strategic wisdom — because greatness eventually learns to share the workload.
When darkness fell and lesser athletes began bargaining with their hamstrings, Captain T carried the Dirty Birds through the coldest, quietest hours with back-to-back nocturnal laps. His cadence steady. His expression unreadable. His internal monologue almost certainly hilarious.
A quiet competitor with a razor-sharp wit, he doesn’t announce his strength — he demonstrates it, then makes a joke about it later.
Commentator Analysis:
“That’s not just leadership experience. That’s a man who’s done 16 laps solo and now calmly oversees what historians may one day describe as the most enthusiastically underprepared team in cycling history.”
🎽 Shawn “Hushpuppy” Ewing — Green Hills Mall Pavement Laureate, Desert Folk Hero
As President of the U.S. Men’s National Mall Walking Team, Lord Hushpuppy entered the Desert Games outfitted in Olympic performance Sketchers and a f***y pack organized with various performance enhancing ointments.
Transitioning from the polished tile of the Green Hills Mall to 16.3 rugged miles of Arizona single track, Shawn brought his elite arm swing mechanics and unwavering optimism to terrain that did not ask for either.
Mid-race sportscaster highlight - mile 10, at the sacred Whiskey Tree, Hushpuppy executed not one but two ambitious pulls from the Fireball jug, a fueling strategy not currently endorsed by sports science but spiritually aligned with the event.
Somehow — whether powered by cinnamon, destiny, or poor decision-making — he proceeded to set a personal record by completing an entire lap. Analysts are still reviewing the data.
Commentator Analysis:
“He arrived dressed for the outlet mall… and left with a PR and a story no coach would approve.”
🎽 Don Fields — My Little Pony. Chicken Mole RV Commander.
A Desert Games veteran, Tankass Pony logged back-to-back evening laps, pausing only briefly to photograph a SpaceX rocket and wonder what it’s like to have rockets in your legs — while his lap mate opted for a double dose of liquid propulsion at the Whiskey Tree.
Don opted out of his 2:00 a.m. lap in favor of strategic morale-building conversation with two-thirds of the Ewing family inside the RV command center, he preserved both energy and perspective, sleeping while the Ewing’s went over race strategy. That’s not lap ducking, that’s leadership.
He finished with the 11am parade lap to finish the event. Unofficial sources confirm it would have been the team’s fastest split had the Cruise America not bottomed out while summiting the high-point climb. Patriotic victory chants could be heard from under the Whiskey Tree, “hey, you can’t park there!"
Broadcast Highlight:
“He rode like a man who knows the desert always collects its debt.”
🕯 Closing Ceremony — The Flame Goes Out
In closing, as the Arizona sun rose over the Sonoran Desert and 4,000 strong dismantled their campsites, Team #523 — the Hattie B’s Nashville Dirty Birds — quietly secured their 16th lap and stepped off the course intact. Smiles and hugs to all those who participated - chapeau!
Total Laps: 16
Total Distance: 260 miles across the Sonoran Desert
Medical Incidents: 3 minor cholla infractions
Total Stories: Virtually unlimited
The Dirty Birds did not chase medals. Together with friends, old and new, they chased laps into the sunrise. And in the Desert Games, that is gold.
Instagram video courtesy of
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DU6FXvgD06L/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
